Little bit of background to start guys, sorry..
I've been with my now fiancé on and off for nearly 6 years. We split for a year around the 3 year mark but continued to have casual sex every so often and I eventually agreed to give it another go (we split as he was on hook up sites exchanging pics with other women but that's a whole other story). We have a 3 year old daughter together. He's a weed smoker, so 2-3 joints a day with 1 or 2 day break a week.
He has a long history of mental health - mainly anxiety. He also goes through manic periods when there has been a big change in his life or he's feeling very anxious. So he barely sleeps, becomes very productive and spends money he doesn't have. He proposed during his last manic episode which was may 2019 which both our families (and admittedly myself) were sceptical over. But once he got better (his episodes usually last a week or 2) we became extremely happy and settled. We booked the wedding for July 2021 and we're currently trying for baby number 2.
Because of lockdown, we're both at home with our daughter which is stressful but we're certainly not alone. The massive change in routine has set off a manic episode in him again, bit this one feels different.
For starters he's completely ignoring lockdown rules and is out the house most of the day. He's started selling weed to 'make extra money', which I've repeatedly told him I'm not fine with at all but he always shuts me down. I don't do well with confrontation or arguments so when I raise an issue he always has an excuse to his behaviour and gets pissy with me. My brain goes blank and I don't want a row so I drop the issue. If I'm lucky and he can't think of an excuse he turns on the waterworks and apologizes repeatedly till I say it's okay.
Secondly he's borrowing and stealing money off anyone he can to fund his weed habit or buy stupid shit from Poundland that we don't need. All the bills come from my account and he frequently takes my bank card to pay for stuff and takes money out. He even stole money from our wedding fund pot by using tweezers to get the notes out. Even today when I was having a lie in he took my bank card and withdrew 70 quid when I told him not to spend any money as we have bills due out on Tuesday. Thankfully he put it back in later but he was evasive when I asked what it was for which sets off alarm bells.
He's lied point blank to my face but then denies that he has lied and makes out I'm in the wrong. He's very articulate with his words and it's almost impossible to argue with him because he simply does not shut up and he genuinely believes in his bullshit. During a big argument last week he told me to keep my nose out of his business as it's not my place to interrogate him about money, which is ridiculous imo.
We haven't shared a bed in over a week as he stays up till the early hours smoking weed, playing Xbox and eating. He keeps trying to initiate sex but I don't even want to look at him most of the time. He's been trying to reel me back in with talks of baby making as my ovulation is near - I won't go into why I'm desperate for another child but please trust me when I say I've wanted another for over a year and it's been a painful journey. But truthfully I don't want to have sex with him because I feel so distant from him and so upset and angry all the time... My daughter is the only thing holding me together at the moment.
I don't know what to do. I know this manic period will end eventually but I'm so utterly miserable from his behaviour and I'm sick of him justifying himself constantly. He says he hates how miserable I am but I'm not sure he cares enough to seek help, or why he keeps taking my money. I feel guilty for considering ending things but the thought of going through this every year or so for the rest of my life fills me with dread. I've been as supportive as I can be and I've tried chilling out and letting him ride through it (his suggestion during our big fight) but it's making me so depressed and low.
Sorry if I've rambled on - I'm close to breaking point. It's after 2am, I popped into the living room to ask if he's coming to bed and I find him drying out his weed in the oven so the flat stinks. So when I said to stop (I mean ffs) he told me to stop nagging him. I can't win, I can't reason with him and I can't take much more.
Fyi if I kicked him out he'd be homeless - his mum refuses to take him back in cause of his behaviour.