Am I over reacting, or is this just not cool?

[DocBob]

So my partner is both physically and emotionally abusive. There is not much I can do, I have involved social services (we have a child) and the police in the past, anyway that’s not the point of this post.

I live with constant accusations of infidelity (has never happened).
I’m a doctor in a hospital, my partner is a nursing student. I came home from work one day and she shows me a picture of a nurse working in my hospital. She claims this nurse told her that I have been hitting on another nurse at work. Which I know is not true, I actually avoid talking to others because I know the stress it causes me at home.

So I spend the next day getting abuse because I am “hitting on someone at work”.

I have a feeling that the entire story was fabricated so tell my partner I am making a formal complaint about this nurse. Then she finally admits that she made it up and she does not even know this nurse. I believe she has basically spent ages searching Facebook for a nurse that works in my department, saved the picture and made up this story.

Now she has backtracked and told me she knows another nurse who knows another nurse who works in my hospital who told her friend this story about me.

I know it sounds childish but you guys can't quite grasp how much stress I get put though when I am being accused of these things. I just feel that making up this stuff is so massively manipulative and really not cool.

I just feel this whole situation is unforgivable or am I reading too much into this and should I just let it go again?

This must be terrible for you and the fact she's training to be a nurse is unsettling.
She also seems to be using the fact that she's a woman so she'll be believed if she says you hit her.
Keep all recordings and anything else you have as evidence and the quicker you report this and leave the better your life will become.
Good luck and thank you for all your doing at this time

No, No and No again you are not reading to much into your words "I actually avoid talking to others because I know the stress it causes me at home." speaks volumes. No one should live like that. That's not a good life, walking on egg shells they call that. You do know that 8 out 10 people who do the accusing are suspicious because they are doing it. They project they behaviour on others. Take more control even if you love her where do you think it will end up

Well done. Be strong there will be times you miss the other half as it wasn't all bad I'm sure, But as an adult the minute someone starts treating you badly and expecting you to answer to them like your sitting in the Headmasters office is the time to start questioning is this what you need.

Why are you raising a child in an environment of physical and emotional abuse?

That Well done, message was for zoostorm1. Who took the right steps.

If you are a Doctor then you already know she is not right in the head and should have been reported long ago. A woman behaviouring like that and being aggressive towards her own child is not fit to be left alone for 4 of the days a week. Social Services should be called immediately unless your waiting for something even worse to happen. I'm no doctor but I can diagnose a tragedy when it's about to happen. Are you for real. She should be in a padded cell till they find the root of her problem. I wonder what her Ex's have to say.

Was she like that before you had a child together or did you just dismiss it because you liked her. How long were you together before she got pregnant. Did this all start after giving birth?

Time is the healer where there is an absence.

You are doing the right thing reporting her. Please stay resolute.

you and your baby deserve better then this.

Collect the evidence, go to the police and get you and your baby in a safe space.

You might need to plan on becoming the residential parent. Especially if you believe she will start falsely accusing you.

You need to make a move for custody if the child and a separate life from her.

If she has harmed the baby, or at risk of harming the baby and has bpd then you need to go to your gp, ss and the police. These are grounds for her to be removed from the family home.

You are exhausted I can tell. Find every ounce of strength within you and see this through. She needs help. But your priority is to remove her first.

Police.Social services. GP.

If you don't change this situation, your baby is in real danger, as are you.

Please ask your team that you can use the time you are 'at work' to get your life sorted out. It would be awful to your career if you are not on form and something went wrong.

Sending strength and hope for a better future. You got through medical school you're obviously made of tough stuff. That took persistence and determination which you have in you already so it can be called upon again now.

You can do this for the time you can come home and chill out after work and when your little one has grown up and knows that you are their rock. Your potential earning power puts you in an advantageous position. Can you find out about getting a place in the hospital childcare facilities?

🤞

Please make sure you speak to someone today. This can not be allowed to continue otherwise the baby would be better off without either of you .

The baby is the main victim here. You have choices, they do not.

man you need to make her someone else's problem

OP I'm sorry about some of the responses on here. You are a victim of abuse and don't deserve to have being telling you how simple it is because you have choices.

It's so hard leaving an abusive spouse. Partly because it feels that there is no way out as they have trapped you. Instead of trying to fix that all in one go, please do just consider ringing the helpline posted above for advice. They should be able to walk you through the steps you would need to take and the help you can get in order the get both you and your baby away from this abuser.

You don't deserve to live like this, and you don't have to. This won't be your life forever if you can ask for help and support.

Ring the staff support line and the DV support worker at your work. They will help you.

"I can't leave because we have a child"

I wonder what your child would say in response to that when he/she is older?. That person would not say thanks dad to you if you were to choose to stay.

You have a choice re your abuser; your child does not. That child has to follow your lead. You are in the NHS; use their resources to help you in terms of their staff support line. Are you in Unison; if so use them too.

It is precisely because of this child that you should be leaving her. Abusers can also be female too and being male does not protect you from yourself being abused. Please seek help and support and do contact ManKind. The first step out of this is often the hardest one there is to take.

Keep a diary of everything she does

Try and get video/audio evidence

Tell work what is happening at home, all.of it.

Go to the police, re coercive and controlling behaviour and the physical abuse.

Confide in a friend or family member about your home situation

Speak to DV support for help and advice to get out of this relationship

Makes steps to gain full custody of your child

You are worth more than this

There's nothing you can do?! Leave her!! Why on earth are you putting up with this? I'm assuming you don't have children (I hope not) but imagine bringing a poor child in to this toxic situation. You deserve better. Noone should have to live with emotional and physical abuse.

You poor thing OP, you sound exhausted and browbeaten

forresee he does have choices and I never said it was easy but he is a grown man and has a fucking child who can't care for themselves. And I know how hard it is to leave so back off.

My comment wasn't aimed specifically at you Sunshine, so I'm sorry it has upset you.

I was upset by the tone of some respondents on here being far less empathetic than you would see were a woman posting, and simply wanted the OP to know that we understood how hard it is when you feel trapped in that situation.

I think you need to get her to a psychiatrist as well. She sounds seriously disturbed!!! (And dangerous!!!) Has she ever been diagnosed with any kind of psychological disorder that you know of? Are her family unstable?

@DocBob Please listen to @StealthMama she has good advice.

She has BPD you have tried to accommodate her disordered personality, she is abusive and is never going to change.

Tell the police everything and keep all photographic evidence.

Tell your work and colleagues everything, so when she starts accusing you of things, they know the truth.

Tell social services and get your baby to safety and yourself.
She is unhinged and may try to do you and your baby great harm.

Tell family and friends what she is doing so you can get support. This cannot be hidden away any longer.

This is an incredibly difficult time for Dr’S and you have all this on top!

Speak to your local DV group and get advice on safely getting you and your baby out ASAP!

You will never have a balanced relationship with a cluster b disordered personality, it is all her, not you. Save your 👶 baby and yourself. Leave now!

Stay safe and stay well!🙏💐

I’m sorry you’re being abused. I think reporting is the best idea - the laws against coercive control etc do not just apply to women being abused by men.

The fact that she’s a nursing student but is disrespecting patient confidentiality is something I would think her training body would take a very dim view on.