sulking

[taxingtimes]

Hi I have been lurking for some time and this is my first post. Reading the advice given by you wise mumsnetters to others has helped me deal with some of the "issues" I have with my DP. Now I have a question of my own.

How do you deal with a sulky DP? One who goes into a sulk for no apparent reason or for something trivial and then won't speak or make contact for days. I have tried acting as if nothing has happened and I have tried ignoring him and not making contact myself - this latter option ends in me being accused of sulking when he finally emerges.

In giving advice please bear in mind that this man will never admit to being wrong and has said that he will never say he is sorry for anything he does!!!!!

My dh can be like this.
I haven't any good advice, really, but am bumping for others to look at

Oh I can't BEAR a man who sulks. So pathetic. So juvenile. So bloody irritating. So self-absorbed. Gah!

Why don't you have a chat with him and couch it in a way that it is your failing. Tell him you can't cope with the sulks and it is putting pressure on you. Ask him to come to relationship counselling with you. The artful implication is that by going for the counselling he would be helping you to cope. Once there, I reckon they might do him so good.

by ignoring it, it makes him want to carry on longer to make you acknowledge it.

by sulking as well you give him reason to get even more sulky and then blame it on you.

you can try to force him to acknowledge you when he goes into a sulk. require his input and keep going until he responds. don't accept The Sulk. eventually he'll realise he can't get away with it.

I read somewhere to always say sorry first - sounds weird i know but it actually works. You dont have to appologize about what you are disagreeing about just say sorry we dont see eye to eye and that you hate disagreeing, so you are sorry it is causing him to act like this and then leave it at that.

I tell you it does work - after an arguement i know just say ' i am sorry we let that get out of hand and then just leave it. I dont say i am wrong or anything, and it makes me feel better. it becomes less of a battle of wills then.

Worth a try at least.

Good luck

Thanks for all the advice.

I think I posted tonight because this latest sulk made me realise that we are at the end of the road. Other people's posts have made me realise he is a bully who has almost destroyed my self esteem.

I am completely pathetic in that I am scared of being on my own and so won't actually call it a day. Can you all please slap me hard around the head and tell me I will be fine on my own and that being on my own has to be better than putting up with his sniping and criticism of everything I do!

taxing - here is a well-meant slap around the chops

I have done this. Put up with utter shite and I don't know why. All pre-children so it wasn't even like I had to hang on, it's insane.

You cannot deal with the sulking. We don't accept it in our children; there is no way to form an adult relationship upon it. It's a done deal.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope soon you are feeling better, one way or another.

HW's advice is excellent. I do that myself, but I never realised I did it until I just read that post!