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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable??

54 replies

kcnmptn88 · 31/03/2020 22:39

Hi all

So, my OH is usually pretty zen but is under a lot of pressure at work atm so has been v stressed out. I'm not working due to the coronavirus outbreak so I am at home a lot.

I struggle with anxiety and depression for which I am being treated but the change of routine has really thrown my depression for a massive loop and I am struggling to find motivation to do anything, but I try my best.

So, this evening my partner and i were messing about and it obviously got too much for my OH who told me I was being deliberately annoying and did I really think it was necessary during this epidemic.
I didn't think I was being annoying so said so.. my OH then started shouting at me to get out of the bedroom and go and sleep downstairs. When I said no, my OH forcefully grabbed me by the arms and tried to pull me off the bed. When I fought back, my OH said "if you dont leave now, I will drag you out. Trust me".

So now i am downstairs and wondering why it all happened.
It isn't the first time, I've had clenched fists, things thrown at me and have been threatened with a punch because I've been "annoying".

I know I'm hard work sometimes but surely I dont deserve this :-( my head isn't in the relationship any more but my heart is.

OP posts:
SharonasCorona · 31/03/2020 22:48

He's not zen, he is abusive. I suspect lots of men are using the 'stress' of coronavirus to abuse their partners.

How can your heart be in a relationship where your partner, the man who is supposed to protect you and cherish you, is forcing you by your arms threatening to drag you downstairs?

OP, you know you need to leave him. Listen to your head.

Holothane · 31/03/2020 22:56

Get out now, it will only get worse with excuses ect.

Original poster
kcnmptn88 · 31/03/2020 23:01

I have nowhere to go :-( I uprooted my life and moved 120 miles away from family for this relationship.. and with the lockdown and that.. :-/ I know it's time to leave.

OP posts:
Hannah021 · 31/03/2020 23:06

this evening my partner and i were messing about and it obviously got too much for my OH

I'm not able to process this... your partner and your other half?

why can't he just go out himself!? like why does he feel it's his bedroom and not yours too!?

On the other hand, when you notice someone is annoyed, you need to step back, its not cool to keep pressing someone's buttons

SharonasCorona · 01/04/2020 00:14

OP, you are allowed to leave a relationship in a lockdown! Your journey is very essential!

Can you not stay with family? Are you renting with him?

On the other hand, when you notice someone is annoyed, you need to step back, its not cool to keep pressing someone's buttons

Can we please not victim blame. It is NEVER ok to hurt, force, drag your partner.

HatRack · 01/04/2020 00:45

Can you explain in more detail what happened Op? Why were you both in the bedroom?

aussieaussieaussieoioioi · 01/04/2020 00:48

Christ it doesn't matter what happened or how annoying someone is being. Violence isn't ok.
And I agree, he's not zen, he's an abusive wanker.

You're allowed to leave abuse in lockdown op. Can you go back to your home town?

BackseatCookers · 01/04/2020 01:21

You're allowed to leave abuse in lockdown op. Can you go back to your home town?

You poor thing OP - the above is true, you won't get in trouble for leaving an abusive situation and this is definitely one.

When I said no, my OH forcefully grabbed me by the arms and tried to pull me off the bed. When I fought back, my OH said "if you dont leave now, I will drag you out. Trust me".

You are probably minimising this in your head because it's hurtful to think the person you're with is an abuser. But it is abusive and tbh fucking mental. Not normal, not acceptable.

We are here for you

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 01:27

and with the lockdown and that.

You are allowed to leave your home to escape an abusive relationship OP. This is absolutely fine to do. You won’t get in trouble for it.

Can you contact your family in the morning and arrange to come to them? Then pack all your important things and go. If you want to reassure yourself you could contact your local police station and advise them what happened and that you need to leave, give them your car number plate or what train etc you’ll need to take and ask for assurance that you will be allowed to travel to your family.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 01:28

Why were you both in the bedroom?

What a strange question. They were in the bedroom because it’s a room in the house they both live in. They’re both entitled to be there at the same time. How is this relevant?

Gettingo · 01/04/2020 01:32

It depends what "messing about" means. If you kept waking him up, for example, when he asked you not to, or poking him in the eye with a spoon? Or if you just made a joke he didn't like? Makes a big difference.

Lynda07 · 01/04/2020 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 01:39

Oh Dear god! This place is such a far cry from what it used to be.

Winterlife · 01/04/2020 01:40

I believe if you are in an abusive relationship, you can leave. Perhaps someone else can confirm.

Do you have a car?

Call your family, arrange for someone to take you in, pack your things, and leave when he is not at home.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 01:40

@Lynda07 why the fuck do you think this is an appropriate thread on which to mock the OPs use of a word? What is wrong with you?

aussieaussieaussieoioioi · 01/04/2020 01:52

I have reported you Lynda for being a nasty piece of work.

Gettingo · 01/04/2020 01:59

Sorry, the PPs were right. It doesn't matter what you were doing to be "annoying".

Lynda07 · 01/04/2020 01:59

I don't care for myself but doesn't anyone else wonder what the op did?

Lynda07 · 01/04/2020 02:00

JustSheetaPlenty - it wasn't just once! It was relentless.

BackseatCookers · 01/04/2020 02:00

@Lynda07

You sound lovely...

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 02:09

it wasn't just once! It was relentless.

Yes, you were. And cruel and totally derailing from a very serious issue. OP is literally on the sofa in her own home right now because her partner threatened to drag her from her bed if she didn’t go. And you think that what she needs right now is to be encouraged not to say “so”? Really?

There is something wrong with you that medicine can’t cure.

boydoggies · 01/04/2020 02:09

I'm with you Lynda07. If someone was continually annoying me on purpose even though they knew I was under extra pressure at work and I wanted them to stop, I wouldn't feel like they had much respect, care or love for me. OP, what were you doing to annoy him? Why did you choose not to stop? Ps. This does not excuse him panhandling you.

boydoggies · 01/04/2020 02:10

Manhandling, not panhandling

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 02:11

If someone was continually annoying me on purpose even though they knew I was under extra pressure

You mean like repeatedly trolling someone who is going through a serious life situation? So we can drag Lynda down the stairs? Great.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 02:12

So many people failing to see the whole picture here. Regardless of what OP was doing to annoy him- she is in an abusive relationship and needs support to leave.

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