Nobody has been in love with me for years, just want to meet someone

[Sapphiresunrise]

I know there are obviously worse problems than this going on at the moment. I suppose not working now is making me reflect on things more which is both good and bad.

Guys just never have feelings for me. The last time I had a boyfriend who loved me (I think) was 7 years ago, and i'm 28 now almost 29.

I have tried everything, I've had several 'breaks' from dating, focused on myself, i've spoken to a therapist and friends who cannot see an issue, just that I need to be confident.

I don't think I come across as needy or desperate, don't tell them I love them after one date or anything like that.

I think i'm pretty but could be prettier. I'm tall and slim, I think my face is nice but could be better, so i've decided to get filler in my nose and lips once things are open again, and i'm having braces at the moment.

The last guy left me for an exceptionally pretty girl with a big massive grin and I suppose I have compared myself to her (which is my problem I know).

I've seen someone posting before about guys expecting women to have a certain personality based on their looks, and I think that's my problem.

Guys seem to think i'm 'hot' and want to sleep with me, but i'm quite quiet and nerdy and not an 'out there', party person. I like doing stuff like Maths, Pokemon and computing, but other than that i'm very into hair and beauty and I do a lot of sports.
I'm a friendly and kind person, with hobbies and I like travelling etc. I just think I'm maybe too nerdy and quiet.

I've been told a lot too that I look/seem much younger than I am. I work in a high school and students have even referred to me as sweet and cute, and placed me at 18!

I wonder if they see me as a 'sweet young girl' type too.
Also, I prefer to get to know someone before I kiss/sleep with them, I couldn't on the first date.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been dumped and rejected after so many short-term relationships (less than 2 months).

I think i'm loveable and I also don't think everyone in a relationship has amazing self-esteem.
I want to know what it's like to be in a loving relationship, and it's just upsetting me.
Sorry for the long rant, I don't know what else to do.

Anyone please ?

i've decided to get filler in my nose and lips once things are open again,

Please don't do this to yourself.

I know this is not the time right now but when this is all over maybe look at some meet-up groups that interest you.
It would help in meeting like-minded people without the stress of having "to put on a show" and be some kind of "perfect". Nobody is anyway.

I just think I will attract more men if I look better. I think my nose ruins my face, and will improve my confidence if I have it fixed.
Thank you, it's a great idea I'll see if there are some meet up groups.
It sounds sad but I suppose how I look is the one thing that I can control.

Oh darling, I've been exactly where you are before. Please don't alter the way you look or act to attract men. It's such a massive cliche but if you're looking for love then you'll never find it - you need to focus on you and learn to be happy within yourself and about yourself, becoming more confident. And then when you're least expecting it, that person will come along who loves everything about you and wouldn't change you for the world.

I dont now about the filler thing. Where are you meeting these men?

How about just following your interests, join clubs and groups and just meet like minded people. Take off the pressure and a relationship may follow. Not necessary to alter your face, if you do it, do it for yourself, not to attract a man.

We could all say that we could be prettier so don’t put yourself down.

I think for women especially a good 'picker' instinct is essential. If you know yourself well enough, the nerdy quiet side and your looks are attracting a different type of man it might be worth weeding those out early. You mention that they end things after a couple of months but I'm curious what are the common denominators with these men, and what are you looking for? Have they all been your type and importantly compatible with your interests/values?

Having fillers would put many men off to be honest.

You are looking at this all wrong, you need to just be you and that is attractive to others, rather than trying to be something you are not.

What kind of men are you attracted to?

“Having fillers would put many men off”

^^they clearly don’t like her in the first place then if this is the case.

I think you are focusing far too much on your looks when really what is important is to have someone you really gel with.

I often think the more you want a relationship then the less chance you have of finding one, and men can sense desperation iyswim.

The view from a man.

Please don't get filler.

You come across very well with what you have written.

I've been told a lot too that I look/seem much younger than I am.

If this is the case then you need to be looking for someone who also has a younger outlook.

I don't think you should change yourself to please other ppl... do it if it's something you've particularly wanted for some time and you've done your research and have a reputable person in mind. But if you're doing it because you think it will make more men attracted to you then please don't. Because if that doesn't make a difference then what?

You don't need to change yourself because it's not you that's the 'problem'.

Is there an opportunity to meet ppl around your hobbies? You mentioned pokemon and sports... have you tried speed dating with a couple of single mates or OLD?

If you think that the issue is that men see you as a sex object and then your personality is unexpected, I would reconsider any cosmetic procedures as that’s likely to exacerbate this issue.

I’m unclear from your posts what it is you want - do you want love or do you want to attract more men? Attracting a greater quantity of men with enhanced looks doesn’t necessarily make love more likely, possibly the opposite.

I am not beautiful, was never beautiful but have had several loving longterm relationships. Mostly with men who were friends first or with whom I shared interests.

I would stop focussing on how you look - focus on finding men who are interested in you.

I guess the lips I can do without but i'm set on my nose, i've always hated it and this will give me more confidence I feel.
I didn't realise how much being cheated on had an impact on you. It doesn't matter what he thinks anymore, I know. I've blocked him a while ago but at first I remember seeing pictures of him with this doe-eyed girl with perfect skin and features, he seemed so much more in love than he ever did with me, I know it wasn't just the looks, I just figured that because i'm quiet, laid-back and 'innocent', he probably just found her very exciting.

After 1-2 months they tend to suddenly be 'really busy' and then they 'don't know what they want', 'i'm a really nice, great, pretty girl but just not that connection', one told me it 'just faded', and another told me I 'didn't challenge him", just stuff like that really.

I've met men through friends, OLD, uni etc
So different ways really. I'm mainly into trampolining but haven't met any men there sadly. I think finding a drawing or gaming club of some kind would be a good idea.

I'm attracted to men who are friendly, kind, not 'laddish', not massive drinkers etc. Just someone sweet you can chat and laugh with who has the same interests.

Forget about them being 'in love' with you.

You need to like and accept yourself first, and even love yourself.

Then live your life, explore your interests and meet people through that.

Make sure you listen well to others and be open to new ideas and opportunities.

You'll find someone who you click with when you stop looking.

And I guarantee that bigger lips or plumper cheeks is not the way to find a great partner.

It's just been 7 years now, I feel like they mostly have girlfriends/wives at this age, and every time they dump me they always seem to be really happy with someone else after, they never seem to regret it or come back.
I will keep trying though :)

I just think I will attract more men if I look better.

Would you like to be with a man who was only interested in you after you had a nose job?

Guys seem to think i'm 'hot'

then you dont need to change at all (you didnt need to change even if they dont think you're hot, but thats by the by)

you need to start by actually liking yourself, and doing things that interest you, if you dont like you - then how do you expect anyone else to.

if you do things that interest you, then you will meet people who have the same interests and you are more likely to find someone would be interested in you for your sake

I can empathize with you as I went through this, even with the wanting a nose job bit!

I was single for 4 years. Men I dated would always lost interest and go on to date someone 'prettier' it really killed my self esteem. Anyway, close to giving up (again!) I met my current partner. It's been two years and it's the best relationship I ever been in.

What would help is having an open mind. Dating men you wouldn't usually go for etc. I also agree with taking off pressure, men can smell from a distance if a woman is desperate for a partner.

You need to go where the other nerds are! (I am also a nerd). Do you play Pokemon Go with others? You could join a discord group and find people locally to you who play, as a way of expanding your contact with people who share at least one of your hobbies.

Thank you, you have given me the courage to keep trying.
Once all this is over I am going to sign up to a new club or two for sure.
I don't think I have come across as desperate, though I may be wrong !
I just seem to have gone for guys who back off once they see I'm getting feelings 🙄 I just find it a sad state of affairs really, at almost 30. That they want to chase you and this idea that you have to be very hard to get and cool, it's really sad.
My self-esteem is really low atm and has taken a bashing after what my ex did, so me trying to look 'perfect' was a say to gain back this self-esteem and have some element of control I guess..
But thank you, this has helped me !

"Also, I prefer to get to know someone before I kiss/sleep with them, I couldn't on the first date."

I think few men, despite all the complaints you read, expect to sleep with women on the first date. But a lot will want a quick kiss. Do you really think a kiss is on the same level of intimacy as sex?

This is a bit confusing. You say men think you're hot and just want to sleep with you. Surely getting fillers and other work done will just re-enforce this.

Anyway, I think you're massively over thinking this. You're in your twenties, you're single...that's totally normal. You just haven't met the right person yet. No need to pick apart your own looks and character.