Nobody has been in love with me for years, just want to meet someone

[Sapphiresunrise]

I know there are obviously worse problems than this going on at the moment. I suppose not working now is making me reflect on things more which is both good and bad.

Guys just never have feelings for me. The last time I had a boyfriend who loved me (I think) was 7 years ago, and i'm 28 now almost 29.

I have tried everything, I've had several 'breaks' from dating, focused on myself, i've spoken to a therapist and friends who cannot see an issue, just that I need to be confident.

I don't think I come across as needy or desperate, don't tell them I love them after one date or anything like that.

I think i'm pretty but could be prettier. I'm tall and slim, I think my face is nice but could be better, so i've decided to get filler in my nose and lips once things are open again, and i'm having braces at the moment.

The last guy left me for an exceptionally pretty girl with a big massive grin and I suppose I have compared myself to her (which is my problem I know).

I've seen someone posting before about guys expecting women to have a certain personality based on their looks, and I think that's my problem.

Guys seem to think i'm 'hot' and want to sleep with me, but i'm quite quiet and nerdy and not an 'out there', party person. I like doing stuff like Maths, Pokemon and computing, but other than that i'm very into hair and beauty and I do a lot of sports.
I'm a friendly and kind person, with hobbies and I like travelling etc. I just think I'm maybe too nerdy and quiet.

I've been told a lot too that I look/seem much younger than I am. I work in a high school and students have even referred to me as sweet and cute, and placed me at 18!

I wonder if they see me as a 'sweet young girl' type too.
Also, I prefer to get to know someone before I kiss/sleep with them, I couldn't on the first date.

I don't know what else I can do. I've been dumped and rejected after so many short-term relationships (less than 2 months).

I think i'm loveable and I also don't think everyone in a relationship has amazing self-esteem.
I want to know what it's like to be in a loving relationship, and it's just upsetting me.
Sorry for the long rant, I don't know what else to do.

I've never kissed a man on a first date (maybe about 10 years ago when I used to drink), but honestly around the 3rd date or so. I can't imagine kissing somebody i've only just met, it's just not me.
I'm not going for a fake look by getting fillers, I just want to improve my nose as I have done with my teeth as I think it will give me more confidence.
Maybe I am over-thinking it, it just seems so much easier for everyone else. I have another friend in the same boat but it hasn't been 7 years for her. It just makes you think why can't someone fall for me, even if it doesn't last forever, why hasn't anyone fallen in love with me.

Hi Lovely!

First of all the fillers - if you are doing this for YOU, then absolutely fine!! If you are doing it in a hope to attract more people then please, please don't! Before I even met my current partner I HATED my teeth, really hated. And I have always hated my round chubby child like face. I'm 28 but have always never looked a day over 18. I had braces first at 25 and then had filler last year in my cheeks and chin (my partner has no idea about the filler as he hates it). However the change was so subtle and I could notice the difference. I only had 1ml in each cheek and 1ml in my chin - the result a slightly more slimmer, more feminine look. This is something I did for ME. No-one else. My partner does not love me any more for having my teeth done and the only men that would be more attracted to you for having such procedures are the shallow ones you would never want in your life anyway.

You need some confidence. Maybe having your nose sorted will help this? I am by no means encouraging it but as a woman who has had mild procedures, I know how much it can do for your confidence. Does it make you happier? Absolutely not. Just more confident.

There is a man out there for you, it sounds like you are going for totally the wrong men. The shallow non-committed ones. You say you are into gaming? My sister is very much like you, she met her more recent partner through gaming (I'm not sure how but apparently there are all sorts of gaming conventions you can go to).

You say you don';t think you are desperate (and I say this in the nicest way possible) but you are desperate, without realising. You are desperate for a partner and long to be loved. Love will find you when you aren't looking for it, trust me. Go enjoy your hobbies, meet with like-minded people who share the same hobbies. Learn to love yourself. Learn to not let a man dictate your relationship or where it is going, take control.

You've got this OP. I have no doubts that you will find exactly what you are looking for.

This isn't meant to be harsh but You come across lovely but a tad desperate. You seem to be focusing too much on analysing yourself and how to be more attractive to men.

Why don't you focus on what you expect from a man rather than how to look better for the male demographic?
You should know what you want and be confident in yourself and who you are. Being nerdy is not a bad thing. Looking younger is not a bad thing.

Stop focusing on your insecurities and comparing yourself to others. You are you and when you meet the right guy it will click into place.

Stop putting pressure on yourself because it can come across desperate/unconfident/try hard when you are dating.

Are you actually super into the guys you date?

It just makes you think why can't someone fall for me

As a variation of what letsjog said, don’t think of it on those terms. Think of it in terms of what you want, the qualities you’re looking for, the type of person who can increase the quality of your life and add to your existing happiness.

There are millions of men out there. Millions. Meet as many as you can until you meet someone who exceeds your expectations.

I totally agree that love finds you when you least expect it, and I mean least, it happened to me 7 months ago and my god, it wasn’t on my radar at all, the unexpected ones are the best in my personal experience.

Thank you everyone. That's true actually, I am desperate for a man to love me. I've had waves where I couldn't care less what men thought, and I do believe that's the best way to be, but now i'm back to feeling low.
I just want to get over my ex too but I can't, even though he's completely out of my life I think about him every day.

I need to stop comparing myself to his new girlfriend and thinking that she's 'better' than me.
I will try to celebrate who I am and what makes me different, as well as the fact that i'm a good, honest person who has never been unfaithful or had to break up someone's relationship.
I hope with time I will feel more confident and happy.

You haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than two months over the past seven years? Is that what you're saying? Perhaps you are picking guys who are incompatible with you. Maybe try giving guys who aren't your normal type a go.

Yes that's right... Nothing longer than 2 months in 7 years.
I will try and date other guys, I don't really have a type as such but I will try to further broaden my horizons !

Honestly, your ex sounds like the kind of bloke that will drop ANY girl at any given opportunity for the next 'good looking' girl on his radar.

Looks really are not everything! I know sooo many blokes who had what you imagined to be the perfect girlfriend. She was amazingly stunning, appeared to have it all - nice car, good job, loads of friends, successful, fun and out going. Her social media portrayed her to have the perfect life, her boyfriend was perfect treated her right, always bought her gifts, they posted lovely loving things about each other on social media (the ones most people dream of). And guess what, HE CHEATED AND LEFT HER for someone else!! Never ever believe what you see on social media...

Focus on yourself, your good qualities and remind yourself that someone out there will be so so lucky to have someone like you one day. Don't ever settle, love yourself and others will love you too

I don't think there always is a reason, I was single from 25 to 40 when I got married for the 2nd time.
I'm 60 now and looking back at photos I was really attractive, slim, good personality, there was absolutely nothing wrong with me at all. I just didn't gel with the men I met and they only wanted to sleep with me, nobody wanted to settle down.
I used to wonder what the hell was wrong me mebut I don't think there was anything wrong with me.
Of course now I know I'm asexual and always have been and I'm pretty sure they must have sensed it.

You sound lovely if lacking in confidence OP. I echo other posters in advising you to push your boundaries a bit to widen your experience and deepen your maturity. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being nerdy! As for the cosmetic stuff: if it gives you more confidence and makes you happy, fine. In itself though, your appearance is not the problem so changing it is not the answer.

Good luck, any decent man would thank his lucky stars to find you!

What kind of man do you want? If you like type of men you go for like women with hair extensions, fake nails, fillers etc.....I'm guessing they are a certain type of man. The type of man who likes sporty or flash cars. They like to be dominant, have big egos, and need a doll wife on their arm to feel & look good. The type of man that you might be compatible with is a computing/gaming/science type. If you spot events where these type of men congregate (computing and science festivals), you will stand out. Many of the computing ones are very male dominated.

Don't get lip fillers. If you must, ONLY get the very lowest ml. Any more than that doesn't look pretty or natural (no matter what people tell you).

Thank you for the rest of the replies.
I'm still in love with my ex, I wish I could bet over it but I don't know how. When people say "just move on", it's not like some switch you can just turn off sadly.
But as a PP said social media is fake, anyone can appear to have it all and then behind closed doors they are being cheated on, nothing is certain.
I need to keep repeating positive words to myself and work on my confidence, I guess now is a good time to practice.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I was like this when younger (quieter, introvert type) But now I am in my early 40's it's different. I don't know if the guys have matured or my confidence is better. Probably a bit of both. I think as guys mature they will value your personality type more. Your time will come

Gosh, I could almost have written your post, OP. I have a long history of being rejected/dumped/ghosted by men as soon as I started to trust them. It’s probably also worth pointing out that I’ve had plastic surgery and, while I’m pleased I did it, it has not helped me attract better-quality men, I’m sorry to say. Have you looked into attachment styles at all? I have an anxious attachment style, which I’ve been having therapy for, and although I’m still single, I do feel the therapy is helping me feel happier in myself and identify unhelpful patterns.

Meeting someone who you fall in love with is generally luck. Stop looking for faults in yourself and accept that no amount of games or change willl get you the love of your life.

Just putting yourself out there, being open and honest about who you are is all you can really do

For example, lots of quiet women with more 'nerdy' interests are in relationships so it's not that.

Also, those interests aren't nerdy they're just interests

Are the men you’re drawn to actually ready to settle down? Do they tend to be at the right life stage (established careers, maybe on the property ladder)? Or are they Peter Pans who may be boyish and appealing and perhaps very nice people but they’re not ready for anything serious? When I was dating I found that it was very much about finding a man who was at the right life stage to get married.

Oh and if you want to meet guys who are into nerdy interests, I suggest moving to Cambridge and joining some of the many Meet-up groups!

@Sapphiresunrise how long were you with your ex? How long have you been split for? Am I right to assume he is one of the aforementioned 2month long relationships?

If so then I'm sorry to say it's a bit of a big statement to say you are still in love with a guy you dated for a month or two who left you for another girl.
Do you think you get attached quite fast?

All my previous relationships who have lasted less than 6months have never been "love". My DP (8yrs together and 2 DCs) told me he loves me on our first date and I said it back on the second - BUT we have known each other for over 3 years at that point.
There was a million and one things in between that made it pretty much impossible for us to even admit we liked each other or get close to one another. We were both completely unaware of each other's feelings and both thought it was impossible. I used to get butterflies and that feeing of anticipation just knowing he was going to be at a party/event I was at but due to lots of complicated stuff (not seeing other people BTW) I swore off him in my head giving myself a mental shake and accepting it's not meant to be and told myself to stop pining - 3 months later after an unexpected drunken snog and a few confessions we were an item.

It literally happened when I least expected it.

You sound lovely to me .Many men seem to be somewhat superficial and your ex sounds like on of those to me. No matter lots of nicer guys out there ,you have probably dodged a bullet! My own DD is in a similar position to you as well ,She has been OLD but mostly seems to have met people who were friends of friends ,maybe someone like that may be better for you .You are still very young and it is better to wait and find the right guy ,maybe join some groups or take up a sport ? Try to have fun and meet people and someone will come along .Often slightly older guys may appreciate the young side of you as they are more mature generally.

OP if the surgery is for you do it but if it’s for a specific guy then don’t.
I recently watched a close friend that I always thought one day would be more, start to seriously date “miss plastic” Fake hair, nails tan, bum, boobs nose .. well everything.
Her profile pic is her in a latex mini dress.. it knocked my own self esteem to 0 for quite a while.. I can’t help but look how amazing she looks and understand why he gave her everything 😔.
😂 Apparently she asks him to buy her stuff and takes photos of her self all day. 😂

Thank you for the replies. I know it's pathetic to still have feelings for someone after only a short relationship but I can't control that, it will only take time.
Maybe I did have a lucky escape. It just hurt thinking that he's got an 'upgrade'.
I have always wanted a nose job for me, I will do it but I will try to not go mad with procedures because it's unhealthy and then you start to see flaws everywhere.
However I do want to make myself prettier.
When things go back to normal I am going to get back to a trampolining club as that's always been my passion, and maybe look for a drawing/gaming club.
Thanks for the kind words.

You sound very attractive as is. Plastic surgery has all sorts of risks and should be avoided IMO unless absolutely necessary. Guys really don't care about women's appearances as much as you seem to think. You're slim and look young? That's plenty.

Are you still "in love" with this guy from 7 years ago? Could this be partly why you haven't had much luck with forming LTRs since?

Hi OP, I also had a seven-year drought after a terrible betrayal. I eventually found love at the age of 29 and he had been there all along, as a close friend.

I think the 7 years thing is a significant period for us... I read a long while back in a book about evolutionary biology that the 7-year itch is explained by the fact that many people, when they fall in love, do so in 7-year "tranches". The theory in this book was that this was the standard time for a child to reach semi-independence (signalled by the loss of milk teeth, of all things).

I don't know how much credence I give the book now, especially as it was a long time ago that I read it, but I hung onto that 7-year thing and it was borne out by my personal experience.

So take courage, don't fiddle with your face (unless there is something terrible about your nose which I highly doubt ;-) ) and hang on in there because your wait is nearly over!