Terrible ONS

[onsffs]

About 3 weeks ago I had a ONS with someone from work who've I've been flirting with for a while. It was completely unexpected and I was horribly drunk.

A couple of really embarrassing things happened and now I keep getting the most dreadful flashbacks. It's giving me anxiety. How can I put it out of my mind? I literally cannot stop thinking about it.

FWIW it's the first time I've had sex in three years since getting divorced. And to make it even worse I do quite like him. And I'm going to have to face him when this lockdown is over.

I feel like shit

I know this is trivial with everything that is going on in the world but I just want to tear the memory out of my brain

I just want to check: do you think you were sober enough to consent? Is there any chance there was any spiking involved?

No I was definitely just very very drunk. And it was me that made the first move

Difficult to give advice without knowing what the embarrassing things are - there’s every chance (especially if he was also drunk) that he didn’t notice, doesn’t remember, or both; because they really weren’t objectively terribly awful and you’re just fixating on them.

And a period of not seeing each other for weeks will make this better, not worse. I can grant you that he isn’t thinking about it in the same way you are right now. Consider all the shit that’s going in in everyone’s lives right now - do you really think something you did during a drunk ONS is the top of his shit list? Honestly, just tell yourself it wasn’t a big deal and chill.

Eurgh I do this. I find imagining a friend telling me about it and finding it funny tends to help.

I’ve done SO MANY embarrassing and ridiculous things in the past you just have to learn to live with them.

Ah come on what were the embarrassing things, bet it's not even that bad.

Pick up the phone and talk to him. Or at least text. Have a laugh about it.

Seriously, the more you try to bury it, the worse your anxious thoughts will be.

Oh god I did this once op. No advice

I think that's the key really- keep it in perspective. It's such a tiny, trivial matter in thr grand scheme of things, it really doesnt matter x

I have a v embarrassed ONS story to share to make you feel less embarrassed. Guest at my wedding (friend of mine) got drunk and went home with another guest (friend of DH). Sadly she ended up with a tummy bug (NOT related to wedding food I hasten to add) and shit herself and vomited everywhere at his place when he fell asleep. She was drunk so literally just abandoned the mess, stole some of his clothes to change to get home.

Had to see him again to return the clothes.

We had a couple of bantery texts the next day but nothing since.

I was not prepared and had the worst underwear and hairy legs - not too bad I could deal with that

I got my period half way mthrough and it went everywhere - pretty bad and I was so drunk I couldn't deal with it properly

And the worst, I'm dying just typing it - I had pelvic floor surgery about 2 months previously and I've since

GAh phone

Since discovered I can still feel a stitch which is sharpp he must have noticed

Was he drunk too?

Tipsy but deffo not smashed like me.

You just have to ride it out, excuse the pun.

What use to work for me was the mantra 'no one died'. Then breathe and think of something you like about yourself or are proud of.

It will be ok x

This is deffo not how I planned my return to sex.

Thank you just talking to you lot is making me feel a bit better

I was not prepared and had the worst underwear and hairy legs - not too bad I could deal with that

This has happened to me before. And horrible smelly feet. And just very very bad sex. Also work colleague

My advice is to shove it down somewhere and try to never, ever think of it 🤪 likelihood is he won’t have noticed or cared and probably had a whale of a time!

I'd just text him and say, about the other night, It was a mistake and I'd just like to forget it and move on.

We all make mistakes. I am cringing too At the thought of my period starting during first time sex

The plan is to use the lockdown to 'glow up' and return to work 3 stone lighter looking fab and (fake) tanned and dazzle him into forgetting

I can't text him now it's been 3 weeks

Oh gawd, its not that bad. Periods happen, so do hairy legs especially in winter and I doubt he even remembers your underwear - he likely just wanted it off!!!!

haha sounds like a bit of a disaster on the ol' romantic set up, but apart from that, he was probably just pleased to be getting some

That doesn't sound terrible to me. A grown man realises that women bleed, and sometimes at unexpected times. Might be worth having a check up with your GP regarding the stitch once the Zombie Apocalypse is over

He's a grown up, he knows women grow hair and menstruate, right? If the stitch was a problem he'd probably have said something at the time. As for the underwear like he even cared!

2 months after surgery and you're back on it, I'm impressed, did it feel good for you?

@HollowTalk

do you think you were sober enough to consent? Is there any chance there was any spiking involved?

Oh ffs there’s always one!
That didn’t even enter my mind because believe it or not women SO get hammered and can consent to drunk sex just like men. NO WHERE did the OP imply it wasn’t consensual, in fact she stated she really liked him, so why the hell would you even ask that question?!