DH masturbating while I deal with the baby!?

[DontSayIDidntTellYou]

So off the bat, let me just say that yes, I know there are far bigger problems going on in the world right now, but I really just need to quickly vent and get some different perspectives!

So dh, myself and our DC’s live in a relatively small flat.
As you come out of our lounge, our bedroom door is directly to your right, I’m talking inches away from our lounge. We have no door to our front room as we took it off years ago for extra space, and our bedroom door is always open. This may seem like a weird detail to be mentioning, but if you bear with me, you’ll see why I’m telling you that.

So our youngest dc just woke up. He’s a breastfed baby. I took myself off in to our bedroom to feed the baby, he fed, and fell back to sleep within minutes. I decided to lay down with him for an extra few minutes to make sure he was properly asleep before getting back up as I didn’t want to disturb him.

However, a matter of seconds before I thought ‘right, I can leave him now’, and a grand total of maybe 5 minutes (or less!) of me being gone from the front room, I started hearing the undeniable sounds of my DH umm, enjoying himself, so to speak.

I’m sure he must sort himself while I’m in the flat (perhaps while he’s in the bath or while I’m asleep, I don’t know! We have three DC’s 3 and under so I don’t know when and where he’s able to do it!), but, to my knowledge, he’s never been this brazen before. I was literally 12 steps away, wide awake, feeding our baby and planning to come back to the lounge at any given minute....

I know this isn’t AIBU.. but AIBU to think you don’t start jacking off the moment your mrs steps out of the room to feed your baby? Knowing the bedroom door was open and I was literally a matter of feet away!?

I’m (likely irrationally) annoyed right now, but something about it isn’t sitting right with me.
I’ve told him in the past that I’d rather him not whack off when I’m awake in the flat - particularly if I’m dealing with the kids - but obviously with everything that’s going on right now, we’re both at home so I understand that his ‘personal’ time is slightly strained now.

I came back in to the front room clearly before he’d had the chance to finish, and he looked startled and flustered when he saw me and very quickly rearranged the blanket that was over his lap.
But still. How would you feel?!

I came across (no pun intended) my ex doing this in very similar circumstances and it really put me off him. Permanently. I found it difficult to see him than anything other than a desperate middle-aged, well, wanker. Most people can wait for privacy in the bath/shower or whatever. Porn addicts seem to have feeble boundaries though.

surely it's normal for partners to masturbate in front of each other nowadays?

@Anotherdick Yes if it's something the other's expecting/during sex, if that's what they want to do. Not otherwise.

This isn't quite the husband randomly getting his knob out and wanking in front of his wife during everyday life with no warning, but I hope you're not suggesting that's ok/attractive/a turn on to most women? If partners are wanking for each other/watching each other it's in a different context.

*If partners are wanking for each other/watching each other it's in a different context.
*
Absolutely.

If he didn't want to/couldn't be bothered to get up and go to the bathroom, then whatever, I'm hardly going to put up flashing neon signs pointing towards the bathroom saying 'This Way For A Wank!'.

But what was I supposed to do in that situation?

Either sit in the bedroom on my own, listening to him tossing himself off, wait for however long, then re-emerge when he's done?

Or, do what I did.. walk back in to the room where he promptly stopped and looked all awkward!?
Now I'm imagining if he hadn't stopped, would I have had to just sit down on the sofa and let him crack on/continue watching telly like nothing was happening!?

Ugh. I dunno. It would've only been an hour or so until I'd gone to bed myself. He surely could've waited until then if he was feeling that desperate for some relief. I just feel like women don't do this kind of thing. But I might be wrong!

Very grim indeed. Tell him to go outside and do it, then he might get arrested,and be out of your way for a while !

People masurbate!

Providing he is doing his fair share with the children and about the house it wouldn’t bother me.

Thing is, if the are up later than him every nIght then he can’t do it at night. Op was breastfeeding her DC’s, not something DH can physically do himself and the other DCs were still asleep. He should have shut the door, and been quieter.

Hi op now i know people masterbate even tho I don't like the thought of my boyfriend doing it I know he does . Also I am anti porn . If he was tossing off in another room without me knwking obviously I'd be fine like I am now but to do it when youv just gone to feed your baby is so wrong. If he had an erge he should of gone to the bathroom . I would if probably gone mad if I had walked in to the living room with my boyfriend with his dick out lol . Have you asked him. Why he thought it was appropriate to do it there as soon as you left ? Was he watching anything or just going for gold on his own ? Saying that my ex came home one day I think we were only together a few months I had just got in and was watching a cooking program on tv . He sat down next to me said he's randy as hell got his dick out and started going for it ! I didn't know what you to do so tried to casually carry on watching my programe 😂 he never ever did it again and was one of the nicest people I have ever known so god knows why he done it for x

people masterbate even tho I don't like the thought of my boyfriend doing it I know he does
Why don’t you want your boyfriend to do it? Do you do it?

Sound like a right 'wanker'

Nah. Time and place. This was neither.

Not on, especially with the 'slapping noises and moaning' when he would have known you could hear him.

Are u having sex if no then why isit a problem as least he isnt pestering you?

Even when I've been pregnant, or bringing up my babies, I've always prioritised my physical relationship with my husband. If I caught DH masturbating, I'd respond by making sure I had sex with him more often. But, reading the preceding 90 replies, I'm evidently in the minority...

I would be furious too, DC could walk in. And to be making noises in ear shot - grim.

namechangeOncemore what a ridiculous response! Must keep your man satisfied at all times eh? Bleugh

I'd just like to point out that letting a partner/potentia partner you have issues over certain things doesn't absolve you of all responsibility to resolve your own issues or mean that you can call the shots or demand x or y or that they don't do x or y because of your issues.

Pointing out issues should mean that a partner (if they want to be with you) will be patient and understanding to a point while you work on those issues, not that they have to then do or not do certain things in case you get triggered.

I'm not just talking about this issue but in general. People often have trust or self-esteem issues going into new relationships stemming from their last relationships.

*letting them know you have issues

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream That's what works in my marriage. Evidently others take a different approach. If that works for them, great.

Its just occurred to me that perhaps he was playing a joke on her. Loud moaning and slapping sounds? No man (or woman) makes those sounds while masturbating in real life. And she didn't actually see his dick, merely him rearranging the covers and looking embarrassed? Sounds like a practical joke to me.

Thank you op for this thread, at least now I know I’m not the only one who gets put off by her man jerking off...

I took whatever opportunity to have self pleasure I could when my husband stopped wanting sex.

I think the issue here is that you don't know how to agree and compromise and you think if you have said you don't like something he therefore shouldn't do it.

There is something about the bathroom comments that makes me think you feel sexual self pleasure is wrong and dirty or functional.

I completely get that the timing was irritating as you were 'working' and he was wanking but for some of us it is no different than pouring a glass of wine or listening to music whilst the other one does their 'task' if it is our down time.