NC for this. Long term poster and lurker on Mumsnet
Last year I met someone after being single a long time. It was better and healthier than my other relationships and moved fast emotionally from both sides. We both have children but we have not moved them fast into our relationship as well by the way. Mine are nearly adults so have met him. I have not been introduced to his which is fine and I have no issue with that decision for now. We live 20 miles apart.
I am a worrier and planner and he is opposite in that he is very laid back. I have not been at all used to having someone in my life for a long long time. Sometimes I get stressed about things although we are good at talking these things through calmly and he eventually will work our what I am trying to say. Usually it is that he doesn’t know what to say or do if I need support and so he will just do nothing at all.
He’s become very comfortable and once he initiated that we are in a relationship (which was so romantic and sweet at the time) we pretty much stopped dating and a lot of the nice cute things he used to express to me like saying I miss you also stopped.
I try very hard not to be unreasonable or demanding but I think the current situation has made I have started to have major concerns about whether I am wasting my time on something that has no future. I don’t want more children and there is no need to rush, equally life is short and why waste it with someone who doesn’t want the same as you? I don’t want to miss someone who never misses me. He would say he did if I asked but I don’t want to have to ask.
We have talked and he says he wants the same as me long term. Something in my gut feels like it doesn’t add up. I have been up front that if I go into a relationship I want it to be a committed one that has a future. I don’t want anything casual and he said he wanted the same.
We were apart before the official lockdown happened and it wasn’t even a discussion as he decided for both of us there was zero option to do it together. Now I feel like he calls me every day out of duty to keep me from complaining not because he really wants to talk to me. He would happily go a day or 2 with just a few odd texts to keep in touch. I wish I could be ok with that too and it makes me feel needy and I don’t like that.
Prior to lockdown he said he was considering me meeting his DC in May but he would have to ask his ex first which is on hold understandably.
When I try to make any plans with him, even an upcoming weekend he says I am pressuring him and over thinking and need to relax. I have explained that just because he doesn’t plan much doesn’t mean other people don’t. It feels like a lot of things are on his terms to fit in with HIS life and I am waiting for him to decide what he wants to do. He does lots of things last minute and I end up feeling disappointed and let down.
I’m more afraid of wasting my time than I am of being alone but I don’t know if I am being demanding and thinking too far ahead?