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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To everyone who is unable to see OW during lock down

86 replies

Rosiejim · 25/03/2020 19:11

...ha ha!

OP posts:

Monstercruch · 26/03/2020 07:06

There are still millions of people heading out to work everyday. I’m sure the cheaters are managing (including the women in that)

StirCrazed · 26/03/2020 07:10

It's what skype was invented for, surely?

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 07:17

I’m not going to contact OM during lockdown. DP and I are getting on well - because we can be together more as a family.

BradyBugs · 26/03/2020 07:41

Your poor partner.
I feel sorry for those blindsided by people like you.... I wish the best for him in the future... You, though....

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 07:48

Yes - I’m vile. But I was about to jump in front of a train - and then OM contacted me a week later. I now have no intention of jumping in front of a train.

EverydayLife · 26/03/2020 07:49

I have thought that many affairs will still continue in secret presenting a virus risk for the family at home.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 07:59

No - in my case - I’m not going to see him while there is any virus risk. Which could be for a very long time.

BradyBugs · 26/03/2020 08:12

But I was about to jump in front of a train - and then OM contacted me a week later. I now have no intention of jumping in front of a train.

Wow. Sorry no excuse. Let your partner go and find someone respectful. It's wonderful for you that your scummy OM saved you from your threat so you can hurt someone else..... Sounds fair. No sympathy for your situation here.

ravenmum · 26/03/2020 08:18

Abouttogetslain You should probably start your own thread.
The only time I've seriously considered taking my own life was after I discovered my exh's affair. I do hope that OM has not improved your mental health only to pass the issue on to your husband. Especially considering that his "help" is very likely to just be a big fast sticking plaster temporarily covering up whatever the underlying issues are behind your problems.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:20

No - I absolutely don’t want sympathy. I can explain the circumstances why it happened - and why I justify it to myself. I suffered from infertility, went through several rounds of unsuccessful rounds of IVF. DP and I were on the verge of splitting - then I conceived. No intimacy, all housework, organisation, childcare is solely on me - as well as working. I was in the verge of well - like I said - and a few days after standing at the platform edge - I had contact from OM who is an ex. I now do it all - but do it all happily - and family life is completely different.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:23

DP works 7 til 9 usually - it’s better at the moment because he is here.

ravenmum · 26/03/2020 08:24

I just know from my exh that the issues that led him to have his affair are still there. He thought she was saving him from something, but he's now back in the same situation he was, but more alone. He was running away from himself and it didn't work. Would have been a lot better off going to an actual psychiatrist rather than telling me that's what he was doing but actually seeing OW.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:41

@ravenmum. I know you won’t want to hear it from me, but I’m sorry. And I think therapy is a better answer. I’m definitely the one with mental health issues - DP never gets stressed, and is rarely emotional. And I think he sees me as a companion, he doesn’t attempt to kiss or hug or touch me. He doesn’t want sex.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:43

He loves technical things, and his job is his absolute priority.

Original poster

Rosiejim · 26/03/2020 08:47

@abouttogetslain

Why don’t you leave him?

OP posts:

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:54

Because we have two beautiful children and we now work very well together as parents.

Abouttogetslain · 26/03/2020 08:56

Similarly for OM - his family are now more together (his DP was about to leave him).

yummyyummycoffee · 26/03/2020 08:57

@Rosiejim where did I say that having an affair was better?....

Oh my bc

Myhusbandischeating · 26/03/2020 09:00

My husband is cheating on me (only found out very recently and was getting hwad around it/considering my options) and I think he's sneaks off to see her cross contaminating our households.

We are both on extended leave from work because our jobs have dissapearred amid this health crisis. He s been making all kinds of excuses to leave the house,even when self isolating as a household. I put my foot down hard and I didnt think hed been but the miracle of Google maps on his phone tells me otherwise. 3 brief visits.

He has been miserable and vile since all this virus stuff kicked off.

We have 3 adult kids (21,19 and 18) all moved back home from Uni in last 2 weeks. 1 son with severe mental health (recently been suicidal) and 1 asthmatic amongst them.

My son's MH was main reason for dithering/biding my time. He does not need any more upset on his life right now.

One thing to lie and cheat on me. Another to cross contaminate his "kids".

I don't know what to do.

Friendsofmine · 26/03/2020 09:09

Tell him you know and that he is risking your family's life. You might end up with a suicidal teen and another one in ICU otherwise!

SummerWhisper · 26/03/2020 09:15

@myhusbandischeating I wouldn't allow him to put my children's health at risk. Tell him you know
where he's been and that he needs to stay there. Healthy people are now dying from Covid-19. We don't know if it is mutating already, but having asthma is a risk, even though recent advice is that it is severe asthma. Tell him to isolate with her and you will discuss your separation once it is all over. Your son with mh issues can be told that your husband has been medically advised to stay away due to asthmatic son. He can be in daily communications with your children and you can hide your animosity. Just get him away from you all.

ravenmum · 26/03/2020 10:47

@Myhusbandischeating I've seen a couple of articles and FB posts saying that counsellors in various places are currently offering free sessions. Might be something you could take advantage of at the moment for your son?

When my exh finally left, it was actually much better for my son as the atmosphere at home improved greatly; my exh was making things very unpleasant before that and it had not helped with his anxiety.

From my experience, in your situation I would probably ask dh to leave. But he may not actually be able to live with his OW?

Notthewife · 26/03/2020 18:02

We are apart until this blows over. We live 2 hrs apart so no sneaking off either - which is just as well as it would happen.

He is with his family, although still goes into work at present so we can still have phone contact. I am by myself.

When he gets home its just messaging. With the occasional secret call.
I am not concerned that this will come between us.

Friendsofmine · 26/03/2020 18:27

Notthewife

There really was no need to post that so smugly as clearly this thread is full of those of us hurt by people like you.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2020 19:15

I suspect the thread is full of people hurt by their partners, the ow is generally an irrelevance. It could be anyone whose willing to go there.

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