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Original poster

When i found womens underwear in my DH's glove box i thought he was having an affair, but i have found out that is much worse than that.

69 replies

howdoihandlethis · 10/09/2007 20:59

Ok i am a long timer i know about grapes tablecloths and JFlounce.
i have had to name change for this as i don't want to be indentified.
My DH has been acting oddly and has been very distant with me for a few months, i suspected that he was having an affair and have being snooping around. on looking in his car glove box i found several pairs of ladies undies and a couple of bras.
tonight i have confronted him with the evidence and he very tearfully told me that he isn't having an affair but that he likes to wear ladies undies, how do i handle this, i am in shock, he has gone out and i don't know if i want him to come back.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 10/09/2007 21:00

Do you mind?

CountessDracula · 10/09/2007 21:01

Sorry your title implies that you do

Do you really actually think it is worse than an affair?
I mean he hasn't actually betrayed you has he? He just has a harmless fetish.

NDPHasAKittenOnTheKeyboard · 10/09/2007 21:01

Is it the secrecy that upsets you more, or the actual act ?

Original poster
howdoihandlethis · 10/09/2007 21:02

yes i do mind, i feel like i have been living a lie.

OP posts:
newlifenewname · 10/09/2007 21:02

I don't think that is bad, just kinky. Could you live with kinky? It isn't the worst thing to have to live with and you might love him more for the things that have led him to enjoy this f you talk long enough to find out??

littlelapin · 10/09/2007 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountessDracula · 10/09/2007 21:04

I understand that it must feel very odd

But if you step back a bit, it is no worse really than being into porn or high heels or other things like this

And if you put yourself in his shoes, would you tell him? It's not really the sort of thing you just raise out of the blue.

morningpaper · 10/09/2007 21:05

Aw bless him, poor chap is obviously ashamed

Please don't panic

what a shock for you

You need to find out if he is a transvestite (likes to dress up in ladies clothes for sexual kicks) or a transsexual (thinks he might be a woman)

I suspect it is just the first: He wears women's clothes for sexual kicks

He is obviously very ashamed about it, but it is harmless and in many ways is much "nicer" than looking at porn

Beetroot · 10/09/2007 21:05

just underwear? or the whole schbang?

Pannacotta · 10/09/2007 21:06

I dont think its that awful tbh. Shocking/upsetting for you of course, but surely better than if he was having an affair?

Original poster
howdoihandlethis · 10/09/2007 21:06

well he is saying he is confused about his sexuality. which is what hurts. he has been visting a local gay club.

OP posts:
superalienstitch · 10/09/2007 21:06

its not worse than an affair at all.
it's just a fetish.
you dont need to get involved if youdont want to, but if your marriage is fine other wise, then accept this. its not as terrible as it may seem initally.

cba · 10/09/2007 21:06

i think i can understand where you are coming from. I would feel betrayed and to be honest, only my opinion, a little weird. but, you know now, is it worth losing your marriage for.

Is it just undies or is it dresses etc or will it progress to the full rig?

NDPHasAKittenOnTheKeyboard · 10/09/2007 21:06

I don't think all transvestites wear womens clothes for sexual kicks...

morningpaper · 10/09/2007 21:07

there is no relation between being gay and dressing up in women's clothes

so it's a tad confusing?

KerryMum · 10/09/2007 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 10/09/2007 21:07

no sorry some transvestites just wear women's clothes to express their feminine side

fireflyfairy2 · 10/09/2007 21:07

Ok... make sure he has a pair that fits, so that his bum cheeks don't fall out of them, or they don't go up his crack.. you know how sore & annoying that can be

How about you tell him you understand it (even if you don't) Ladies undies are only the tip of the ice-berg. Soon he will be asking you to choose him clothes that suit him.

At least he was able to tell you

I'd rather my dh wore ladies knickers than had an affair actually

ChristmasPud · 10/09/2007 21:08

Obviously you feel shocked by it. And only you can decide whether you are o.k with it. But I would think it is not as bad as him having an affair. C learly it is going to take time for you to get your head round what you have found out. But perhaps when it has sunk in and you feel more calm you can talk to DH about it and it may not seem so bad. He's prob. feeling pretty crappy right now too...

Original poster
howdoihandlethis · 10/09/2007 21:09

yeah but the undies he has were really nice, yet when he has brought me undies for pressies they have been really nasty red & black lacy items.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 10/09/2007 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stringerbell · 10/09/2007 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Beetroot · 10/09/2007 21:10

so he is wearing womens undies and is confused abouthis sexuality?

littlelapin · 10/09/2007 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beetroot · 10/09/2007 21:11

yes am with you ll - snigger though - could do with a bit of a laugh

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