Dh spoiled Mother’s Day - again.

[Muddytoes1]

Does anyone else have this? Vast vast majority of the time my dh is wonderful. Really kind to me, funny, takes great care of the kids, does tonnes of domestic stuff (probably more than me). I always feel super lucky to have him but.... he has this weird thing on days which are supposed to be about me. So today for example started great - you know the routine, brekkie in bed, flowers went for a nice (remote!) walk and then this afternoon he just went apeshit at our 4yo for not listening properly. She wasn’t even being particularly naughty was just putting too much water on some of his new plants in the garden and accidentally damaged one. He’d asked her to stop and she hadn’t. Normally with this kind of thing he’d be really calm and deal with it really carefully and calmly. Was out in the garden shouting and swearing as if she’d set fire to the garage or something! I told him off and told him to go upstairs and calm down which is what I presume he’s doing now. But it’s weird - I’ve noticed he’s done this before. Twice on Mother’s Day and a couple of times on my birthday and I think he’s done it on the morning of job interviews before too. It’s so weird and so rare but this morning when it was all lovely I already had a feeling it was going to happen, I normally end up really upset but because I was expecting it today I’ve just shrugged it off and got on with it. What is it about these days which sets him off? I don't want to just LTB as for the absolute majority of the one he is a wonderful human being.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3857968-Another-Mother-s-Day-disappointment

Read this op.
For a truly shit mothers day

@HowIrresponsible that's not a helpful post in the slightest. Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean the OPs feelings shouldn't be validatef

She needs validating that it was rubbish and that she is right and that she lives with a narc.

🤷🏼‍♀️

*Imo certain types of women take mothering day way too far.
*

My family (3 children - 22, 16 and 14 and husband) all completely forgot it was mothers day. I think we have just had more important things we have been thinking about.

OP isn’t seeking validation that she lives with a narc ffs. OP is frustrated that her H went off, shouting and swearing aggressively at a 4 year old. OP is also noticing that these flair ups seem to happen on days such as Mother’s Day, her birthday, days where she has important things happening. That is not seeking validation to manbash, it is not being self absorbed and expecting the world to revolve around her, it is basic pattern recognition. Unfortunately as we are often reminded, basic pattern recognition is misandry when it relates to noticing negative patterns of behaviour in a man.

OP I understand, I would be frustrated too. He might be a nice guy the rest of the time but kicking off on days that are supposed to be important to you is not a good trait. I’m not sure what you can do as most of the time he’s fine as it would be a stretch at best to say LTB, but I would be making myself very clear that yes, I am noticing this pattern of behaviour, and no, I am not impressed by it. I would also be pointing out that it’s childish in the extreme for him to take out whatever hang up he has on a child. He is an adult, he needs to behave like one.

Unfortunately you’ve started to notice this pattern of behaviour so you won’t be able to go back to not noticing it. Therefore I suggest it’s on him to work on whatever issues he has because by the looks of it there are a lot of XHs who behaved like this, mine included unfortunately, although that is by no means the only reason he is now an ex, but it is a pattern he might do well to take note of.

She needs validating that it was rubbish and that she is right and that she lives with a narc

No she's not, she asked if anyone has been in a similar situation

The fuckwit i used to be married to done this every single Mothers Day, every single one of my Birthdays and any other Red Letter Day ( incl birth of children)for me for nearly 20 years. The only day he didnt get to ruin was MY Divorce day, it was one of the best days of my life

I think I'd be a bit pissed off at a partner who hadn't done a food shop in 10 years. (And yes, I work full time).

And would you talk to your partner about it and set aside time to discuss ways to make the division of labour more equitable, or would you shout at a four year old and sabotage a day designed to celebrate them?