Light-hearted - What's the most trivial reason you've broken up with someone/declined a date?

[WokeOnTheWater]

Inspired by a different, more serious, thread but thought there must be some great, light-hearted stories about ridiculous, trivial or unreasonable things that have given you the 'ick'.

Gotta pass the time while we're all stuck inside.

Ahem, a long time ago but for a first date I took this guy riding in Central Park.

He came over all whiny and pathetic when his horse planted and refused to go forward.

It was terribly mean of me and maybe there were other things going on but that was our only date.

nylon underpants with a dogs face on and 'Rover, the great pussy hunter' on them

He liked Crocs

onefootintherave
No he wasn’t a doctor, but he might have become one, this was 35 years ago.
We only dated once.
He took me to a club where he knew everyone, bought me champagne then we went on to a party it was amazing.
Got in his flash motor to take me home, held me close gave me a passionate kiss and then lent over and whispered ‘ Penetration’...........
And that was pretty much that.

I was on a fourth date with a guy, we were in a shopping centre and stopped for coffee and cake. My best friend happened to be there too, saw me and came over. He slowly looked her up and down, really obviously. I absolutely hate guys like that - he might as well have rolled in shit for how quickly he became repulsive.

Another one was very close to his mum, and she came on our first date. After about 20 minutes of pleasant small talk I realised she was planning on spending the evening with us, so I made my excuses and left them to it.

And finally, a guy that did some weird Darth Vader breathing when he was excited.

She had a really expensive set of professional chefs knives. My spoons were sharper! Couldn’t date someone who had expensive stuff just for the sake of it.

Also someone had the most ridiculously annoying laugh. I wanted to stuff a sock in her mouth!

He wore shoes I called Charlie Carroli shoes (like a clown).
It was temporary, I told him, he ditched the shoes and we've been married for 12 years

I've just remembered another one. Slight acquaintance of my uncle one Easter when I was visiting them abroad. I was 19. I couldn't shake him off, he really did not speak a word of English, I only knew a few bits from the phrasebook of his and I'm hearing impaired so it really was going nowhere. I think he understood the three words I'm. Not. Interested. that I recited very clearly down the phone before I put it down on him. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

*of his language, obviously.

@HelenaNightSoilCart what the heck is Jackrabbiting?? 😊

When I broke up with my ex husband 9 years ago(9 yrs today, actually!), I met a guy through some volunteer work I was doing. He was bloody gorgeous in a wild, Bear Grylls kind of way. Very outdoorsy. Rode a black sporty motorbike. Went on a date out in London and he turned up in double denim. Stonewash!! It was awful. Never saw him again after that.

@Myhouse2011 THIS is jackrabbit-ing

^^see above, or urban dictionary def:

Jack Rabbit
A man who has fast but not deep penetration during sex, similar to a jack rabbit popping his head in and out of a hole quickly. Usually only a little more than the tip of the penis enters, and it is quickly removed repeatedly so as to only stimulate the head of the penis.

It can be used as a verb and a noun
Girl 1: "How was your date last night? I heard that guy jack rabbits."
Girl 2: "Yeah, he's a Jack rabbit all right. Speedy dick barely got in there."
Girl 1: "What's with guys jack rabitting all the time? It's so selfish."
Girl 2: "I don't know, maybe they think the faster the better? Anyway, I definitely won't fuck him again."

Thanks @HelenaNightSoilCart (I think 😂)

This thread has exceeded my best hopes. for everyone.

francesflute that’s the first time I’ve laughed today (the ring of pizza crust) so thank you!

He belched and said “Get out and walk” afterwards.

He nearly hit a pedestrian while driving and shouted “You tired of living?”’to the person as he pulled away.

Another one drove a Nissan Micra.

One arranged for a surprise for me. A young man ( much younger than me) arrived on my doorstep in a tux with a silver tray bearing a vase with a single red rose and a half bottle of champagne with a glass, came in and poured it for me then left. My date then arrived a bit later and asked if I’d liked that.

No, I didn’t. It was excruciating.

Same guy drove through the night to leave a dozen long stemmed red roses on my doorstep. FFS.

I once met a guy on a night out and as I was driving, somehow gave him a lift home where he insisted on showing me his parent's vegetable plot and trying to give me a load of rhubarb...
Bless. No second date obvs

Jack Rabbit
A man who has fast but not deep penetration during sex, similar to a jack rabbit popping his head in and out of a hole quickly. Usually only a little more than the tip of the penis enters, and it is quickly removed repeatedly so as to only stimulate the head of the penis.

AKA fanny wank.

I had one worse than a jackrabbit once (and you know that's saying something). He got it in and instead of any type of thrusting movement he kept his hips completely still and just moved his torso up and down instead, almost like a press-up with no lower body action but horizontal rather than vertical movements.

laughed at the end of every sentence- annoying

Lived in Weston super mare - depressing

Was Australian - knew I didn’t want to live there or live with someone pining to live there

He had blonde arm hair. Policeman, handsome, nice car, took me out for a lovely meal. But that arm hair

I could live with that

Thought of another - reminded of him by @Thankssomuch and her/his flower delivery....

I was cabin crew back in the 90s and was desperately trying to shake off a guy who'd for some reason got the impression I was really into him after a couple of boring dates. He just wouldn't take no for an answer. I arrived home at about 4am after a long flight to him SITTING ON MY FRONT STEP with a rose between his teeth CRYING. Absolutely seriously, not in an effort to make me smile/laugh fuck I don't know what he was thinking.

That was bad enough but I'd come round the corner and seen him seconds before he saw me. Long enough for him to put the rose in his mouth, push up his sleeves and rearrange his stance akin to an Athena model, head on one side.... Oh it was awful. I told him he had to go or I'd ring my dad He did go, tears and all. He'd left a furry gorilla for me, on the step.

A couple of dates in we were in his flat. I’m thinking let’s get down to business but he decided to show me his nail brush. I kid you not. How I didn’t say WTAF I don’t know. Some rubbish almost sex. Then I had to call my own taxi- let myself out and wait for the cab. Game over. He messaged a couple of weeks later stating he’d never met anyone like me. Er, you mean some one with more than one O’level. Laters.

@VonHerrBurton oh my word. Rearranging his stance to look more attractive. Noooooooo. I’m cringing.