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Original poster

My partner and I never have sex

66 replies

TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:06

We are 24 and live together. Have been together for 6 years.

Recently the sex has just stopped. I’m talking probably a month going on two months without sex now. I’ve tried talking to him about it. He says he is depressed (he’s been through some tough times at the moment).

But it annoys me how he can be up playing the PlayStation but not want to come to bed with me - and when he does he falls asleep.

He came up tonight and he was spooning me and I pushed my bum into him. He then said he needed to put the cover between us because my body temperature was hot.

I called his bluff and said it was hot and came downstairs to sleep on the sofa. It is becoming frustrating to the point where I just don’t want to sleep with him !

What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:07

And when he says he’s depresssd he only says it when I question him about sex. And most of the other times he’s always happy and excited. I just don’t understand.

OP posts:
CtrlU · 16/03/2020 00:08

Is he gay ?

Is it possible his having an affair ?

I’m sorry to be rude OP but any grown man who still plays on a PlayStation in my eyes is immature and childish.

UsernameUnknownn · 16/03/2020 00:12

Does he have problems performing?
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of him being gay or having an affair just yet.

Antipodeancousin · 16/03/2020 00:13

This happened to a fiend of mine with Th her partner. It turned out he had started taking antidepressants and they had completely eradicated his sex drive. Is this a possibility?

Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:15

No - I don’t feel that any of the above are a possibility sadly Sad

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 16/03/2020 00:18

I can't stand play stations or gaming in general, every adult who spends a lot of time of one seems to get genital and brain shrivel in my opinion. I wouldn't go out with a man who has one.
My own son is letting his life pass him by on this shit, every evening he comes home and spends hours on the thing and doesn't nurture his relationship or his talents, and he has so many talents.
I just want to smash it up with a big hammer.
I can't though as he's almost 40.
Such a waste of a life.
I'd get myself a man that doesn't have one if I was you.

Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:22

I think I’m just going to make a point by sleeping on the sofa. I mean why are we sleeping together? There’s really no need. He snores too so there’s no point in me sleeping with him to get a terrible night sleep for no reason.

I just feel really fed up. He is always making me laugh and he always wants the best for me. But I just need to feel sometimes like someone can’t take their hands off of me. I don’t get that feeling with him. I just want to feel wanted in that way. That’s what I’m really missing.

OP posts:
CtrlU · 16/03/2020 00:25

I have a friend OP who was with her partner since she was 13 and they got married at 21 and they stopped sleeping together after a while.

It turned out he just want attracted to her anymore. They had been together for so long he saw he as more of a sister or a best friend rather than a wife.

It’s sad but it happens a lot OP x

Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:26

@madcatladyforever I’m sorry to hear this. I hope things do get better for him and he realises that life is passing him by before it’s too late. X

OP posts:
Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:27

Thank you @CtrlU

Not being big headed but everyone always tells him that he’s punching.

I make him feel like I’m lucky to have him every day. I just don’t feel the same in return with him. X

OP posts:
IkeaSlave · 16/03/2020 00:31

You're so young. He probably outgrew the relationship. It doesn't matter when it comes to sexual boredom whether you are amazing looking or not. Eat cordon bleu every day and you fancy a plain salad. He's your first adult relationship. Time for the next?

Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:34

I just feel sad that I can’t seem to do anything to turn this around. He’s my best friend. We have a life together. One we have saved hard for. The reality wasn’t as good as the dream and I’m so disappointed ☹️

OP posts:
CtrlU · 16/03/2020 00:34

It was the same as my friends OP. everyone told her partner he was so lucky and punching way above his weight - I think that’s why he stayed with her because everyone could see she was perfect and sexy but he just couldn’t.

It stayed because he was scared of making the wrong choice though and not because he loved her and ultimately I think that may have been a little selfish.

CtrlU · 16/03/2020 00:34

People just grow up and grow apart.

Lefkosia · 16/03/2020 00:34

Sounds like you're putting quite a lot of pressure on him - stropping off to the sofa permanently because he doesnt want sex? Is he physically affectionate?

Original poster
TTlover · 16/03/2020 00:37

@Lefkosia he’s making more of an effort to be more physically affectionate because I’ve asked him to.

I know it sounds all very extreme but I feel at my whits end with it. I know it’s not always about sex but half of me feels that I’m only 24 and I am very frustrated sexually. I don’t want to sound shallow but that’s just how I feel.

I’d be understanding of his depression if I didn’t hear him most of the time screeching down the PlayStation microphone excitedly with his mates.

OP posts:
livefornaps · 16/03/2020 00:43

Just leave. You need someone to bang your brains out, not Captain PlayStation q

howsicklyarsekissy · 16/03/2020 00:49

Don't feel bad, sex is a huge thing & intimacy is what keeps you together. & connected. In my
Opinion anyway. You need to speak to him
You properly & see what's going on. What was he like in the beginning?

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 16/03/2020 00:51

So what you're saying is you think he's lying about his depression?
People can appear in a good mood and still do activities they enjoy while being depressed so if you say he's your best friend and it's only been 1-2 months I'd be trying to talk to him and help him with his depression.
If this was turned around and a man posted saying his girlfriend was depressed and didn't want sex so he stropped off to the couch everyone would tear him apart.
I hope you're offering your partner emotional support if he says he's depressed, you say he has had a tough time recently so it seems perfectly plausible.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 01:00

He probably is feeling depressed, has sex been regular prior to the past 2 months.
Everyone needs a little me time.
If he has had a tough time his libido has probably suffered. After 6 years if no other problems I wouldn't worry yet.
On the gaming I hear you, it gets very addictive and can take over your personal life, DP is a gamer, he has 2 nights but is off by 10pm after I enforced it, it caused issues in the past, I've my addictions with the internet too so compromised at 2 nights. Grin

NoMoreDickheads · 16/03/2020 01:03

Maybe we should take him at his word that he's depressed and it's effecting his libido?

That he games doesn't mean that's not true.

I'd maybe be 'nagging' him to get help for his depression if he hasn't already (and if he has in the past, to go back.)

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 01:09

If this was turned around and a man posted saying his girlfriend was depressed and didn't want sex so he stropped off to the couch everyone would tear him apart
This. You need to support him emotionally not add to it by sleeping on the couch.
When I'm depressed I mask it all day but just want to sleep, no one but DP would suspect or bare the brunt.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/03/2020 01:11

*bear

CtrlU · 16/03/2020 01:26

Why do I feel like the word ‘depression’ is thrown about so loosely nowadays....Blush

Why can’t it be that he is just not that into OP anymore.

I’m not saying anything negative about depression because we all know it can be invisible - but people use the term depressed for everything now and it’s like your not allowed to question it anymore.

Savingshoes · 16/03/2020 01:28

No sex for 8 weeks?
Come at him from a different angle then. There must have been plenty of times when you two disagreed on less frustrating problems.
What other ways can you try?
Maybe not talking about sex at all for 6 weeks?
Making sure both are asleep/no tech from a certain time at night.
Organising a joint hobby away from the bedroom?
It might be a number of things but you've worked hard to get here - now try lots of other ways to keep together.