My partner and I never have sex

[TTlover]

We are 24 and live together. Have been together for 6 years.

Recently the sex has just stopped. I’m talking probably a month going on two months without sex now. I’ve tried talking to him about it. He says he is depressed (he’s been through some tough times at the moment).

But it annoys me how he can be up playing the PlayStation but not want to come to bed with me - and when he does he falls asleep.

He came up tonight and he was spooning me and I pushed my bum into him. He then said he needed to put the cover between us because my body temperature was hot.

I called his bluff and said it was hot and came downstairs to sleep on the sofa. It is becoming frustrating to the point where I just don’t want to sleep with him !

What should I do?

He too would then say he is tired but then I go downstairs and he is sat on PlayStation game just dosnt add up, and like your partner he still makes me laugh and I stil love him I really don't know what to do either :(

@candycanesxo if it were you who did not want sex for a time, what would you think if your partner was thinking of leaving you because of it? Would you be ok with that?

Glad you've booked counselling but is he going to restrict the PlayStation to maybe a couple of nights a week?
If not, then you're wasting your time as he is not willing to truly put in the effort.

jmcg2015

Not sure what you mean?? And it's the past few years he has slowly wanted less sex than me and when we do have it it's not very good... I am at a big crossroads not knowing what to do :(

Those in sexless relationships (less than once a month by definition) effectively have choices:

1. Continue as it is, unhappy
2. Continue in relationship & have sex on side, with or without partners knowledge.
3. End it
4. Try to "fix" it. Eg counselling

With respect to the latter, you then become responsible for fixing someone else's problem.

What is OP's partner doing to help this? Why is the onus on her to fix it?Maybe OP should be asking herself if the relationship meets her needs & stepping back a bit?

24, not much sex & he snores (already).

If you rent rather than have a mortgage split. If you aren’t happy now move on, much easier now than in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years time.

@candycanesxo. Thank you so much. It’s nice to hear of someone in the same situation.

It’s not easy. I’ve been on anti depressants myself linked to the triggering situation we’ve been in and he was there for me and didn’t leave my side. Now it’s hit him and I need to be there for him.

I am honestly a little shocked that people are telling me to leave the love of my life because he is playing video games?

I know I am the same it hurts my hurt and inside if I think of leaving him just have a talk with him about it and see he can cut back abit and do some other things with you so still feel connected X know one knows how we feel inside but ourselves if you love them and try be happy and it should be to hard that's what I think anyway why should leave someone you love and causes you pain? Sex isn't everything it's ultimately up to us if we think it's a deal breaker or not xx ♥️ please feel free to message if needed X

OP, it's not about playing video games as such.

But while he chooses to play these, he is shutting you out, not engaging with you (especially in intimacy) and not prioritising your relationship. That is the problem. These can also be symptoms of depression.

So either way, HE needs to go to a Dr, start doing things to improve his health, rather than you "fixing" things.

What is HE doing to get better or improve things?

Also, have you two got a trauma bond situation?

@GlassOfProsecco he has called the Dr and got a telephone appt on 31st March.

What do you mean as in a trauma bond situation? Thanks for your advice xx

Why is there always one poster who jumps says a man who does nt want sex is gay ? Are women who do n’t want sex lesbians ?

You don’t have to be a martyr to a relationship. It’s okay to leave it if it no longer meets your needs and makes you unhappy.

Is he gay?
Here we go...

@candycanesxo That sounds tough these are the best years of your life, your situation seems to be going on longer, in your shoes I think you'll regret not spreading your wings. I know lots of couples stay together from teens it wouldn't be for me, we change so much.
If I was 27 again I'd be living it.

When I went through my last period of depression I played a lot of video games too (and I’m female FWIW) - intimacy wasn’t really something I wanted either as I just didn’t want any physical contact, I used gaming as escapism and unless I was being challenged on my behaviours most would say I looked perfectly happy/normal. Then if my DH questioned why I’d not done any housework or anything practical I’d shut down. It is not easy being on the other side (as in - in your position OP) if depression really is the cause.

I’m glad to read he has approached his GP.

I’m so lucky my DH was patient and understanding (but not without challenging my behaviour or the impact it was having on him and our relationship) hopefully your partner will get on the right track OP

@NaviSprite thank you so much for sharing this. Sounds all very positive. Thank you. And great that you now sound on the way to recovery xx