Need some support

[NeedSomeSupport]

My DH can be horrible sometimes and probably abusive.

In any kind of disagreement, and it could be something really minor, he will say what he thinks but then talk over me, about or walk out if I respond and disagree with him.

He can’t or won’t communicate.

He’s lost his shit over the same thing twice today. It’s all my fault of course. I just feel crap as I don’t feel I can speak to anyone in real life and I’m not quite strong enough to leave but I know I don’t deserve this.

I want an ambitious with regards to work and that is going well

Outside work I would like a family, more children

I would also like a bit of fun and excitement. Right now, when we don’t have children, we could be going for weekends away or even out for dinner but I feel like we don’t do anything unless I arrange it and pay for it. My friends all do things with their partners. We don’t! Occasional weekend away but only if I make it happen. I hate that he doesn’t even want to go out for dinner with me. He doesn’t want to spend the money but he’ll spend it on other things. He doesn’t spend a lot but if there are other people involved like his friends or family then he wants to do our and money is not an issue. I’m not important enough.

Sorry. Typos.

Op, three things this man is

1. Entitled
2. Passive aggressive (hence all the confusion in your mind, saying one thing and doing another)
3. Unworthy of you.

My exP was similar, really tight with money but acted like he was king of the world and that he didn’t need to pay up because his needs was more important. And when he didn’t pay up he played the victim card to make me to everyone around him and to make even myself think I was the bad guy.

This situation reeks of it.

You are not in the wrong here. He is playing you. He will ALWAYS be this person. Turns your problems in to his problems, and then blames you for turning his problems in to yours. Have a look at passive aggressive people in relationships and you will understand what I mean.

I used to dread coming home to him, would scream all the way just to get it out of my system. My situation felt hopeless as I was scared of being in my own and being financially incapable.

Once I started thinking ‘could I actually?’ I realised that yes it was possible.

My fear and upset and anger slowly started turning in to power, the more I planned to make my escape and saw it in front of me, the better I felt. He knew it was coming because I stopped reacting to him.

Then one night out of the blue, right before Christmas I ended it.

I also thought I was at the end of the road to have more children and settled down, guess what? I found a decent man who loves me, makes me feel cherished, financially supports me without making me feel bad. We are a team.

You can do this. I’m not saying you have to now. But at least look in to it and start planning. You deserve so much more. You are not stuck. Please try not to dwell on the future and all the worries there because you are creating a delusional situation that doesn’t exist by doing so

The constant switches are a tactic to keep you off balance and not sure what to expect.

Ready Lundy plus this one. It'll help you stop focussing on the small things. It'll show you how he targeted, groomed and brainwashed you to start thinking and speaking about yourself using his words.
You are already starting to detangle your thoughts from his opinions. Start of a long process. Keep it up!!
How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1855942208/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_gxxAEbBTMRXTM?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I am getting closer but I am not there

I’m sorry if you think I’m wasting your time

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave my home. But I have had enough.

I dared to express that I was unhappy about something that he promised for this morning but didn’t do. He said without remorse that he’d only said it to shut me up. He’s also sworn at me and made light of everything I’ve done this weekend and keeps saying that I’ll be watching Netflix all day. I’ve said I’ll be working from home so he says “whatever”. I also have some things to do I’m the house, which will take some time and he knows full well.

I put the car keys away so he couldn’t take them because, yes, I feel like a complete doormat when he speaks to me like shit and then drives my car (that he doesn’t pay for and brings back slightly dirtier every time) to work likes he’s kind of the world.

He just told me that if I don’t give him “the keys” in 5 minutes he will throw paint all over the walls.

No discussion, obviously. He has gone downstairs and will no doubt come back in 5 mins and demand them.

I still want to say no. I don’t want him to throw paint on the walls but I kind of think I should let him and film him then send it to all of his family.

But if I try to record him he usually tries to take my phone.

I’m still the one in the wrong though.

I feel like such an idiot.

So we talked and he doesn’t understand or can’t admit why he’s wrong but ultimately I gave him the keys to my car because I didn’t feel I had a choice.

You are scared of him OP. He’s a user and an abuser.
How bad does it have to get before you end it?

You could say "You are not using my car, you don't pay your share, either tax/ins/petrol/mainenance, you don't even clean it.
Fuck off. No is NO" but he is intimidating & threatening you. This is Domestic abuse