Is this appropriate

[Toddboy]

Hey, need some advice please

I’m a gay guy, parent of a 9 year old from previous relationship. DS is 9 and I have joint custody with his mother who I get on well with

I’m 39 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve recently gotten Friendly with a guy at work and he’s asked me out for a drink BUT... he’s 19...20 in 3 weeks!!

Not sure what to do. We get in well but I’m 19 years older. I worry that I’ll be perceived as a creepy old gay guy even though that’s not the case at all!
Do I go for it, or is it inappropriate?

At this stage I’m only worried about the appropriateness, not the longevity of the relationship.

He’s a mature 29/20 year old and I have a young outlook so It doesn’t feel wrong

Advice please

@kittyjune yeah and so does R Kelly

I’m the same age as you OP, I cannot imagine being interested in a 19 year old boy, no matter how mature for their age, and I know if I did, I’d be heavily judged for it (especially being female).

I get that he might be pretty to look at, but he’s closer in age to your son than to you, is that thought not just an instant cold shower?!

If you were both older (50 and 30 as others have said), he would be far more mature, have more life experience, and capable of making an informed choice, but at 19 he’s an idiot - they all are

Regardless of whether I would or not go out with him in a different social situation, I definitely wouldn’t date someone 20 years younger who was 19 in a work situation.

Its not going to do your career any good and most of your colleagues will have their judgy pants on regardless on what sexual orientation you are.

My DH is 15 years older than me and we just work. The gap was never an issue for us

It’s always this way around though isn’t it? Are you also totally open to dating a man 15 - 20 years younger than you ( if you were single of course!)?

I’m not judging, my partner is 10 years older than me, but we met when I was 30, not a teenager, which makes a big difference.

It's a big gap, and feels creepy. Particularly as the younger guy is so young.

My brother is in his 40s. If he dated a woman in her twenties, I can assure you that we as his friends and family would all find it sleazy.

It's too big a gap imo, male or female, gay or straight.

I think if you were in your 50s and he was in his 30s you'd get a different reaction, but I think with him barely out of school it just all feels a bit sleazy.

I'm female, OH is male, I'm 17 yrs older than him, got together when I was 42 he persued me, been together almost 12 yrs. Bollocks to other people and their opinions, life's short

Well, I can only roll these facts out: my parents got together when she was 21 and he was 40.

On paper I would be a bit , but the reality is it worked for them. They were happily married for 51 years until he died at 91.

Go figure.
I’m sure there are plenty of age gap relationships which go wrong too.

I can’t imagine being interested in a teenager or even someone in their early twenties and I’m only 30 so I’m not entirely sure how you’re interested at 39... It’s just a bit creepy really. I teach 19 year olds, they’re all ridiculously immature and that is just not attractive in any way.

What matters is what he and you think, not randoms on the internet. Go for it and ignore hostile opinions.

Also, are you senior to him at work? That wouldn't look great. I would honestly not risk any career implications

I date younger men (not for anything serious, just for honest, safe fun).

I wouldn't go near a 19 year old (I'm mid forties).

It's not so much the age gap, it's the fact that they are virtually still a child. As other posters have said, there's a big difference between 50 and 30 and between 19 and 40.

But I see you've decided to be sensible :)

It's not illegal or anything. Go for it.

In my opinion if you are old enough to have fathered them you’re too old to be together romantically. I know large age gap relationships can work really well and couples can be incredibly happy and in love, but I feel there would be too much “power imbalance” within the relationship as a result of the excessive gap.

@Idontkowmyname that is gross. Dd was 11 when she started her periods/was old enough to have a baby! 😡

Apologies @Idontkowmyname, I TOTALLY misunderstood what you wrote

@SubjectMatterExpert no worries 💐

I know a 19 year old man. He is into political issues and history. He reads big thick serious books. He is a bit of a foodie and likes to cook fancy meals. He has travelled independently to other parts of the world.
Not all 19 year olds are useless, vulnerable 'children'.
This is a 19 almost 20 year old working man. Not a 'kid'.
OP if you want to just go for a coffee with him. I don't see it as inappropriate.

Creepy. No way! He’s closer to your sons age than yours.

Well if you want the other side, I am a heterosexual woman who is in a relationship with a heterosexual man. He was 39 and I was 19 when we first met at work. We didn't get together until the year after, when I was 20. We had chemistry the instant we met. He's my soul mate. We are still together 14 years on. Do not let nay sayers tell you not to go for happiness. There are so many judgemental people in this world about age and I've never understood why. If you're an adult and above the age of consent, it has got nothing all to do with anyone else. As long as you are both single, no one can say a damn thing. People should be kinder in this day and age. Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean you can put your expectations onto other people. Luckily for me, my family and friends like and love my partner because they see how much he loves me. Go for it. Just go in with open eyes that it might not work out but that's okay too. There is no guarantee for any of us.

I think you're right to turn him down unless you can keep things as a friendship. A relationship with a big age gap could lead to disaster and have implications at work too. I'm sure there are plenty better options for you