Is this appropriate

[Toddboy]

Hey, need some advice please

I’m a gay guy, parent of a 9 year old from previous relationship. DS is 9 and I have joint custody with his mother who I get on well with

I’m 39 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve recently gotten Friendly with a guy at work and he’s asked me out for a drink BUT... he’s 19...20 in 3 weeks!!

Not sure what to do. We get in well but I’m 19 years older. I worry that I’ll be perceived as a creepy old gay guy even though that’s not the case at all!
Do I go for it, or is it inappropriate?

At this stage I’m only worried about the appropriateness, not the longevity of the relationship.

He’s a mature 29/20 year old and I have a young outlook so It doesn’t feel wrong

Advice please

20 year old man not 29

I think Stephen Fry is significantly older than his husband, isn't he?

It's a big age gap, but possibly made to feel more problematic as you're likely to be at different life stages.

There's is obviously an element of concern from your viewpoint as you're asking here, but then again, one of my friends (female) is in a relationship with a guy 18/19 years her senior - she's now 51, and they've been together about 10 years.

I've had this conversation recently.

I'm the mother of an 18-year-old.

If someone that much older than them was looking to date them I would not be happy.

An 18-year-old does not have the maturity to enter into any sort of relationship that much older than them.

If a woman went out with a much younger man, or an older man and a teenager, people do cringe and feel,it's inappropriate. Like the older person is taking advantage of the younger persons naivety. Plenty of couple manage a good, even long term relationship, but society is always a bit mmmm? about it. Sorry but it is just life.

An older gay guy with a 'twink' (I think that's the term?) is definitely suspect too.

Saying that I'm sure you would have a great time and fun together. I wouldn't judge, but plenty would I'm afraid, so you would have to get used to stares. Not fair, but that's life.

I would judge to be honest. If it was 50 and 30 not so much at all but 19 year olds are emotionally very very young.
Sorry op take it as a compliment and keep looking

I wouldn't like it, whether male and male or male and female I just think 19..its so young

@SkaLaLand 🤣🤣
To be fair, I’m 49 and I know who loves orange soda, because I have a 19 tear old!

I think if you were both older (say 30/50 or 60/40) then fair play but not now. There's a HUGE difference in life experience and expectations between a 19 year old and 39 year old that it would make most completely incompatible.

I don't think the age difference should put you off.

In theory he’s a grown up and he can make his own choices ( and his parents have no say over it) but I do wonder what you would have in common? I think it would be different if he was 30 and you were 50 but I’m afraid he has so much more growing up to do.

I'd be horrified, too, whether it was my son or my daughter. And tbh at 19 I would've thought you were well past it

DS is 9

And you are interested in someone only 10 years older than him.

I think it's different with gay men, sorry but true. Because 1) there's not statistically as many gay men (or open gay men) and 2) the general issue is vulnerability.
20 is adult, I say go for it. You're both old enough and can consent. You're not taking advantage.

People need to loosen up. Go for it OP!

Sorry OP Nobody here is considering how you must be feeling right now. Disappointed I imagine Someone will come along and you'll have no doubts whatsoever

Stephen Fry is a horrible person. Not quite the example to look up to.

It’s not just the 20 year age gap...it’s the fact you are at completely different stages of life. He’s just come out of childhood ( well two years) but you have a child etc etc. Honestly..nothing to do with you being gay but yes I think it’s a bit ick.

No idea what the general issue is vulnerability means @helpme7? Are you saying it more or less relevant in gay relationships?

Nope, too big of an age gap.

Have some fun with him first and you never know what could happen age isn't a big deal x

It's a no from me. For you to come on here and ask means you know it's inappropriate. 19 is too young. It will look/seem creepy.
I know it's not what you wanted to hear

It’s not the age gap as such it’s the fact he’s a teenager. And yes it would be the same whatever gender. You’re knocking on forty. He’s a teenager, it’s not ok.

Have some fun with him first and you never know what could happen age isn't a big deal

Yuk. He’s a teenager not a toy.

I think it's fine. You are not preying on him, I imagine he finds an older man sexy, if it's for a friendship and some fun, why not? Why worry about people judging you anyway, as long as you are treating him with respect.

Does he even want to go out with you?
I think it's far too big of an age gap for someone that young.

And if it was a young woman I would have concerns also.