Is this appropriate

[Toddboy]

Hey, need some advice please

I’m a gay guy, parent of a 9 year old from previous relationship. DS is 9 and I have joint custody with his mother who I get on well with

I’m 39 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve recently gotten Friendly with a guy at work and he’s asked me out for a drink BUT... he’s 19...20 in 3 weeks!!

Not sure what to do. We get in well but I’m 19 years older. I worry that I’ll be perceived as a creepy old gay guy even though that’s not the case at all!
Do I go for it, or is it inappropriate?

At this stage I’m only worried about the appropriateness, not the longevity of the relationship.

He’s a mature 29/20 year old and I have a young outlook so It doesn’t feel wrong

Advice please

It's creepy. Don't do it. It's creepy whatever the sex of the older or younger person.

Does he even want to go out with you?

[confused
He asked op out for a drink.

If you’re questioning it then I’d take that as a sign. Obvs you’re both adults but if it hasn’t happened and you feeling funny I’d listen to that feeling.

If you have to point out when someone’s next birthday is when saying their age, you know they're not old enough!

Go for it - it's not creepy at all if you get along you get along! My best mate is married to a lady 23 years younger

Plus you know in your heart if there's a spark or if it's only a bit of fun & igniting the bed sheets only. Both legal. Both adults. Life is far too short

Completely inappropriate.

That's very creepy. He's half your age.

He is nearer your sons age

Sexuality is irrelevant- the age gap isn’t though. He’s a teenager & you are nearly 40, it’s just a bit grim & as a parent you must be able to see that. Would you genuinely be happy with your DS meeting someone in ten years time who is your age (& currently 30 right now so has already had a lot more life experience & is actually technically old enough to be their parent - as you are this teenager!?). Just eww.

Decision made, nothing will be happening. Thanks for everyone’s thoughts

My DC is 19, I am 39.

Absolutely fucking not.

Are you well off OP? Just trying to understand why a 19 year old would want to do this to be honest but each to their own.

What makes you think it's 'not the case at all' that you are being creepy , why are you the exception? It is creepy, it's a large age gap and he is pretty young. Sexuality and gender are neither here not there. I'm 31 and feel a bit ill about thinking of anything non platonic with a 19 year old, it makes my skin crawl, they (mostly) look so young!

Best to leave it surely! (And query why you were considering it)

I'm glad you've decided not to pursue this. You are just at different stages of life, and it would inevitably involve an imbalance of power.

Inappropriate. He is not yet a fully wired adult.

Have some fun with him first and you never know what could happen age isn't a big deal x

🤢🤮

My daughter is 21 and I would not want to think of a 39 year old man approaching her for a relationship. You sound lovely, I hope someone age appropriate comes along for you.

If he was my son I would give him the respect of letting him make his own decisions. My daughter was married to someone who was 16 years older than her, and they met when she was 18. It lasted for 20 years, and the break up wasn't to do with the age gap.
I'd say go out for the drink. You may find that conversation with a much younger man isn't so interesting, as you have much more life experience than he has. But really it's your decision.

Don’t date people you work with.

And what everyone else said about dating people when you are old enough to be their dad. Just don’t do it.

Sorry I think no op. I would feel the same if it was a woman yes or two women or an older woman

Glad you've decided not to pursue this. For me the kicker was that you work together. Such a big gap at that age wouldn't reflect well on you if things went badly and you ended up being the topic of gossip.

Be kind in turning him down but make clear it is final.

I think basically if you care what society thinks then no.

Creepy.

I don't think the age gap is creepy. You're both consenting adults so it's no ones business but yours. I dated a guy for about a year when I was 25 (he was 44). The age gap and what people thought didn't bother us. We both knew it wouldn't work in the long term anyway because we were at different points in our lives. He had kids and didn't want anymore, I was young and wanted kids. It didn't stop us having a bit of fun though. We just parted ways as friends.
My DH is 15 years older than me and we just work. The gap was never an issue for us.

Just go for that drink and see how you click.

You are too old for him!

Personally I think it’s absolutely fine but I believe age is just a number.