I know this sounds crazy but

[NotAnotherNameChangePlease]

Is it possible for someone to be able to see what I’m doing on my phone?

Dh and I are going through a divorce. One of the main reasons is that I found a hidden camera that he was using to spy on me while he was away at work on weekdays. He was being incredibly controlling and I’m pretty sure he put a tracker in the car as he always knew where I was.

Anyway, it all seemed to have gone quiet on Xdh front. Then this last week my phone has been running really, really slowly. I deleted a load of apps and videos etc. but it didn’t help at all.

Then last night I hooked up with a guy who has been a friend of mine for ages and who Dh was always a bit weird about. There is absolutely no way Dh would know about this. I posted about it on here but I regularly name change and he knows some other information about it that I haven’t posted on here. I have had constant messages from him for the last hour or so telling me that I’m a slut, that he’s going to tell my dm what I’ve been doing (she couldn’t care less), that he’s going to try and have the dc’s taken off me if I’m just out shagging all the time 🙄.

All annoying but xdh is full of crap and about 200 miles away so won’t physically do anything. But what’s got me is he’s referred to something that has only come up via a FB message between me and this guy.

What should I do? Is there a way to find out if there’s something he’s put on my phone that shows what I’m typing, shows my messages or something?

bluntness definitely no one that would tell him stuff. He’s very much not included in my circle of friends and he’s moved back to the city he works in 200 miles away.

I would be changing your Facebook password to be honest as it maybe as simple as he's got into your account!

I'm sure you are right. Have just divorced a similar nutcase. They have no bottom line.

Do you have an iphone or android type phone?

I’m taking my phone to the apple shop on Tuesday, see if they can do something.

Thank goodness. Explain the situation to them (you don't need to mention the embarrassing things) so that they understand when he had it and what's happened with it being slow since.

In advance of this, log out of everything, change your passwords and add 2-step verification.

When you get your phone sorted by Apple - they are usually very helpful with stuff like this in store - and they are confident nobody can access your phone remotely, change the passwords again to something totally random. Lots of letters and numbers, nothing he could possibly guess and nothing you've used this week or right up to when Apple confirm in store that they've removed any spyware or keyloggers.

You poor thing. He's broken the law with the cameras and you should seriously consider going to the police. I understand that feels huge and it's a good idea to get this phone situation sorted first but it would be good for you to consider police involvement.

You poor thing I'm so sorry he's being such a cunt

I’ve changed all my passwords for everything now. I occasionally get the odd message on FB, Twitter and Insta saying that I had an unusual log in in a random town, it’s always been miles from where xdh is though so I’ve always just assumed it was a glitch or something. I’ve always changed the passwords for everything after each time I have a message. There’s no way he’d guess my passwords either - my sis gave me this fab little thing that creates random passwords for you and memorises them. Dh doesn’t know I have this and it’s always in my bag which he’s never had access to.

I’m just so cross that xdh is still bloody interfering. I’ve been so reasonable with him, I could’ve gone to the police so many times over the years. He’d lose his career though if he got a criminal record and as I’m currently a sahm I guess he knows I can’t afford to do that. I’m going back to work in sept though when the youngest starts school. I hope he starts behaving then or I really will go to the police.

I was also feeling so happy this morning. I’ve liked this man for a while and he’s really lovely and I didn’t know if he felt the same way. Then a couple of hours later dickhead is back to his old tricks telling me I’m a slut.

When you change the password have you "logged out of all devices"

If you go into messenger, settings, account settings and then security.... Is it just your phone showing in the currently logged in at the top of the screen?

I would definately log your suspicions with the police. This sounds incredibly stalkerish and if he is tracking you it's a criminal offence.

If your phone contract is up next month it might be worth going in and upgrading now if you can afford it. They'll be fine with it as long as you pay the remainder of the contract (1 months fee) and sounds like it'd be worth it for the peace of mind!

Ffs. I’ve just done what you suggested combatbarbie and it looks like someone else was logged in just before xdh started sending me messages. It thinks I’m in Torrington though which is about 100 miles from where I am and about 100 miles from where xdh is/ I think he is.

His phone is an iPhone 7 too 🙄

He might be tech savvy enough to 'ping' his location via another place when he logs on.

Someone else is logged in, it’s probably him. Sometimes the locations aren’t exact, or even that close.

Wow that sounds quite scary. Does that mean he’s logged in as well as you?

Locations aren't always very accurate. My location always comes up as London and I'm about 200 miles away

I'd not waste my time in a shop, I'd get a new phone, even if it's secondhand, and a new number.

He could have access to your google account as that can show where you've been? It's a pain but I'd get a new phone and create a new google account.

Factory reset.

I’ve logged out of messenger now and turned all my location services off. I’m just going to get a new phone with a new number tomorrow. I can’t believe he is still doing this.

On your phone go to Settings, your name at the top. Underneath there'll be a list of devices that are registered to you - one iPhone 7 should be noted as "this iPhone 7", make sure there isn't another one. If there is, the fucker is logged in as you on his phone. Change your AppleID password.

Now look in General, Settings, scroll down to Profiles. This should be empty, or at most have a profile from your cellular carrier. If there are any others, swipe to delete. These can enable "device management", meant for corporate phones so the IT can remotely mess with your phone, and are needed for keyloggers.

To eliminate any possibility of being jailbroken, reinstall your phone. Plug it into a computer with iTunes, take a backup, then Restore your phone. After it's done you can reload the backup (else it'll be blank).

For Messenger, go to the Facebook website and somewhere down in the security settings is what+where has recently logged on. You can punt devices out from there.

My Ds’ iPad is linked to my iPhone so when he downloads games they come up on my phone too - this could be a problem, is DS's iPad using your AppleID? You should not do that, it can then share your messages, notes, calendar, photos... although to enable any of that someone would have to know your AppleID and password. Is that one you've been changing? If not, you must. Set your DS up with his own AppleID and then add it to your family group - this gives you the link and control without anything in the opposite direction.

Do you save your passwords on your phone so you don't have to renter them every time? If he knew your pin code he could have accessed your passwords and accounts

If he’s on your Facebook he could very well be on your email too.

He probably knows you’re on mumsnet/your account details.

He might also have access to your chrome/IE browser history.

Jesus I am so sorry

This has sent shivers up my spine

I would report the c---

You have been more than reasonable with him and sadly in my experience this is when they continue giving you grief sadly :(

I have no advice to add I’m afraid but just wanted to say a massive fuck you to your ex h if he has managed to find your thread!

Do NOT change any passwords from your phone.

If he's installed a key logger then he will immediately know your new password.

I wouldn't bother with the Apple staff, they really know nothing about software.

New handset and new Sim. You could do a factory reset but the trouble is iPhones are very difficult to wipe everything if they've been jailbroken (which takes about an hour if you know what you're doing.)

For all his tech savvy, your ex is a bit thick, isn't he? He couldn't resist raging at you, thus tipping his hand. His lack of control has actually given you valuable information.