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Original poster

New relationship doubts

59 replies

UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 12:52

I've waited forever to meet someone and finally got to know a man through an evening class I go to. He seems nice, although I have a few reservations (for example he doesn't have a job at the moment) and seems to like me a lot.

However as soon as we started dating he's become quite needy and a bit pathetic - frequently saying he "wants a cuddle" and pointing to his face for me to kiss it. It's turning me right off.

My concern is that previously I've been attracted to a lot of emotionally unavailable men who have treated me very badly and, now I've met someone who seems keen, it's me who's being avoidant. I don't know whether to see how things pan out or just to nip it in the bud (and condemn myself to being single for another eternity).

Help!

OP posts:
LouisaJenny · 08/03/2020 13:09

Oh thats tough! I’d be exactly the same I think. That sort of think is a total turn off for me. I cancelled a first date with a guy who said he was looking forward to us meeting so we could cuddle (cringe).

Perhaps just say something to him about your past relationships and that you take a bit of time to get into that sort of thing..?

BumbleBeee69 · 08/03/2020 13:14

However as soon as we started dating he's become quite needy and a bit pathetic - frequently saying he "wants a cuddle" and pointing to his face for me to kiss it. It's turning me right off.

this.... and the no job..would turn me off too OP.. it'd be a No from me.. 🌺

Splitsunrise · 08/03/2020 13:17

Pointing to his face for you to kiss it???? That is horrendous! Definitely not your issue!

Sameold2020 · 08/03/2020 13:20

The fact that he doesn't work would be enough for me. You'll be having to kiss his face and buy him dinner soon.

Manyminieggs · 08/03/2020 13:21

Point at your ass and indicate that he should kiss that.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 08/03/2020 13:23

Why on earth doesn't he work and how does he pay his way on dates if he doesn't work?

TraumaQ · 08/03/2020 13:25

No job = red flag

The neediness would see my sex drive move out!

RaininSummer · 08/03/2020 13:30

Yuk. He sounds as if he has the emotional maturity of a 4 year okd. And no job .

Claire926 · 08/03/2020 13:41

So many red flags. He needs to sort himself out with his self esteem and get a job. Find someone else.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 14:01

*Why on earth doesn't he work and how does he pay his way on dates if he doesn't work?

He had some sort of emotional breakdown a few years ago, I think. He's always paid for himself (and for me a few times) but I don't know where he gets his money from.*

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 14:03

Bugger. Bold fail.

So many red flags. He needs to sort himself out with his self esteem and get a job. Find someone else.

I've been single since c.2005. How do I meet someone else?

Damn, damn, damn. I really thought things were happening for a change.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 14:05

He also asked me if I liked being tickled. Hmm

OP posts:
ErrmWTAF · 08/03/2020 14:18

OP, just because previous boyfriends were emotionally unavailable, doesn't mean this polar opposite is the Right Stuff.

Unlike most, I'm not going to diss him for not having a job - lots of people have problems like that, and you said he's paid for himself, etc. But the rest of it? Eeuuck! You're not emotionally responsible for him, certainly not at this early stage.

Bottom line, as Chumplady says: the only question that you need to answer is "is this acceptable to you?" I suspect it isn't.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 14:23

@ErrmWTAF - thanks, good advice.

OP posts:
GreaseRizzo · 08/03/2020 14:27

Ewww I was asked once if I liked being tickled too! He meant my feet. Absolute weirdo in the end. I’d get rid tbh

carly2803 · 08/03/2020 14:31

bin off! if your feeling weirded out all ready....nahhhh

carly2803 · 08/03/2020 14:31

bin off! if your feeling weirded out all ready....nahhhh

Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 14:36

Sigh. It's only been three days! Sad

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 08/03/2020 14:56

I LOATHE tickling... utterly loathe it.. I cannot express how much I despise this and see it as torture not funny...

partofthepeanutgallery · 08/03/2020 15:01

Trust your gut. I know it's something women are particularly reluctant to do when it comes to relationships for some reason, but you need to learn to do so.

MadamePewter · 08/03/2020 15:01

It’s only a short step to butterfly kisses.... 🤢

Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 17:55

It’s only a short step to butterfly kisses.... 🤢

Oh good god.

He also says "expresso"...

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 08/03/2020 18:03

Oh, and he may have said, "cuggle"... Blush

OP posts:
Musti · 08/03/2020 18:09

If you're put off for whatever reason then don't carry on seeing him. You shouldn't have to persuade yourself or force yourself to like someone.

BobGalaxy · 08/03/2020 18:20

OP I recommend you read the current "I'm going to have to dump him because his phrases irritate me" thread to see where you'll be in 8 months if you don't ditch him now! Grin