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Original poster

Awkward situation re. money...

80 replies

User1775564212 · 07/03/2020 16:33

Don’t want to go into too much detail as might be outing but my brother had a problem with his house, DH is a tradesman and offered to help him fix it.

DH spent the best part of three days there and spend hundreds on materials.

DB seems to think it was done as a favour as hasn’t offered any money. DH is very squeamish when it comes to discussing money with my family. He’d like payment for one of the three days and obviously for the materials.

I’ve said he should have discussed this prior to doing the job. I’ve also said I’ll speak to DB but we’re not that close and I don’t want to fall out with him by landing him with a £500 bill when he was expecting it for free...

Any advice on what to say to DB?

OP posts:

TraumaQ · 07/03/2020 16:38

Your DH needs to get over being squeamish and bill your brother for labour and materials appropriately. He can offer a discount on labour if he wants- and show it on the itemized invoice. Obviously you will back him up.

He also needs to learn from this and provide a proper written quotation for any "odd jobs" that friends and family want doing. Even if it's only for materials and fuel.

APatchyTomCat · 07/03/2020 16:40

He needs to get over it and ask for the money he wants, or chalk it up to experience and learn for the future.

Avocadohips · 07/03/2020 16:40

And it sounds like DH muddied the waters by "offering to help fix it". So he might need to take the labour on the chin this time. Still charge for expenses incurred and learn from his mistake.

vdbfamily · 07/03/2020 16:42

I agree... bill him for materials but not labour as it was not pre agreed.

Original poster

User1775564212 · 07/03/2020 16:45

He took three days off work to do it which Makes it even more bloody ridiculous not to have clarified things first IMO.

I guess he just assumed DB would pay him something and DB assumes he wouldn’t have to 🙄

OP posts:

Mayhapitis · 07/03/2020 16:45

Why on earth didn't he talk about cost before doing it?! Especially the materials!

Lindy2 · 07/03/2020 16:47

He really should have let your brother know the cost before starting work. Your brother would then have been able to confirm if he was ok to pay that amount before any work was done. I guess that is a lesson learnt though.

I think the suggestion of asking your brother to pay the cost of materials is your best option. You shouldn't be out of pocket even when doing a favour.

Weregoingonanadventure · 07/03/2020 16:47

For goodness sake, call your brother and say "the materials we had to buy came to £X. DH has been an idiot by not talking to you about this first so he isnt going to bill for his time but we cant afford to pay for your materials so could we sort that out now"

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 07/03/2020 16:47

OP you are married to a total drip!

Original poster

User1775564212 · 07/03/2020 16:47

I know... I think he was expecting my brother to offer him something

OP posts:

Littlepond · 07/03/2020 16:49

It definitely should have been discussed before hand and I think your DH offering to help him is really unclear that he expected payment. But you can ask him for the money for the materials of course! Just let him know how much the materials cost and ask if he wants an official invoice / breakdown of it.
And next time your DH needs to say “I can work on that for you and am happy to offer a discount, mates rates! I’ll only charge you half the going rate, plus materials, is that ok?”

Letseatgrandma · 07/03/2020 16:49

Your brother is a piss taker and your husband is being spineless. Are you going to intervene?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/03/2020 16:52

How about
"Hi OP's Brother,
About the work that I've just finished for you to fix the X problem you had. Well, I can't afford to cover the costs of the materials myself but I don't mind doing the labour for you. The materials cost Y amount so if you could see your way to paying that, that'd be great. I know I should have said something before now but you know how it is. I also didn't know exactly how much it was going to be. Does that sound fair to you? No charge for the labour but pay for the materials? Brilliant"

Iflyaway · 07/03/2020 16:52

I don’t want to fall out with him by landing him with a £500 bill when he was expecting it for free...

Who the fuck expects 3 days of free building work?

Your brother is a free-loader and your husband needs to get some balls.

This should all have been worked out prior to starting.

You are effectively subsidising your brother from family finances.

Is there a back story to your brother's CF? If he is hard up, just make a monthly payment plan with him.

Olawisk · 07/03/2020 16:53

He should pay for the materials but if it’s family I wouldn’t charge for my time.

My partner has a job like that. My DB recently needed help on 2 different occasions and my partner didn’t charge him but he paid for the materials.

BadCatDirtyCat · 07/03/2020 16:53

Tbh I think not discussing the labour costs is your DH's own silly fault so he'll probably have to write it off. That said, your dB definitely needs to pay for materials so you (DH) should just present him with a receipt for those.

Ghostontoast · 07/03/2020 16:56

The least he can do is gather up the receipts, present them to your brother and ask to be refunded for the materials ASAP.

He needs to calculate how much his time cost and the next time someone wants (a freebie) his help, he needs to remember how much it cost him last time and tell them he can quote for the work, and if they want to proceed they will need to sign a contract pay him up-front for the materials, and pay him the remainder on completion of the job.

Original poster

User1775564212 · 07/03/2020 17:04

Yes he absolutely should have discussed it first, I’m really pissed off that he didn’t.

The annoying thing is they have a pretty successful business (no kids either) and we are given a 10% discount. This of course is not a problem in itself, it feels like double standards in this situation though.

OP posts:

Flufferbum · 07/03/2020 17:13

Yeah OP but your brother is a little bit of a CF? You have already said the two of your aren’t that close, therefore obviously he’s not going to get it for free! Anyone would be an absolute CF to think someone would
Pay for the materials AND do the job for free!

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 07/03/2020 17:14

DH is a tradesman and offered to help him fix it.

He should have added “for the cost of materials and I will do it for mates rates” if he wanted paying for labour, that way brother could decide if he wanted him to go ahead or at least clarify costs before hand.
I have BIL who has done jobs for us & he wouldn’t dream of asking for labour costs but will let me know if I need to pay for any parts used or if he has parts already. Likewise DH does work for DM, we don’t even ask for material costs.

GnomeDePlume · 07/03/2020 17:14

User1775564212 there's your answer then. Invoice with a family discount of 10%.

OhCaptain · 07/03/2020 17:16

Whatever about thinking the labour would be done for free, there’s no way he should think that your DH should be buying the materials!!!

TW2013 · 07/03/2020 17:21

He is probably waiting for the invoice. How can he pay if he doesn't know how much.

AgentJohnson · 07/03/2020 17:23

Do not interfere, your DH is a grown up and you can’t swoop in and clear up a mess of his own making. Yes your brother is clearly a CF but your H was stupid to take time off work and pay for materials without prior agreement.

TheSmelliestHouse · 07/03/2020 17:31

Do an invoice with a reduced labour rate. If you're paying for DB business output, that's fair enough

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