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Original poster

Awkward situation re. money...

80 replies

User1775564212 · 07/03/2020 16:33

Don’t want to go into too much detail as might be outing but my brother had a problem with his house, DH is a tradesman and offered to help him fix it.

DH spent the best part of three days there and spend hundreds on materials.

DB seems to think it was done as a favour as hasn’t offered any money. DH is very squeamish when it comes to discussing money with my family. He’d like payment for one of the three days and obviously for the materials.

I’ve said he should have discussed this prior to doing the job. I’ve also said I’ll speak to DB but we’re not that close and I don’t want to fall out with him by landing him with a £500 bill when he was expecting it for free...

Any advice on what to say to DB?

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 07/03/2020 18:24

Your dh needs to learn from this to offer to quote, not offer to help.

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/03/2020 18:27

Spending £500 on materials without discussing it with your dB is lunacy, I’d expect any contractor I’d employed to discuss the costs of parts with me before purchase. What was the job?

Daisier · 07/03/2020 18:27

I think it's too late to tell him to pay now

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 07/03/2020 18:31

Of course it's not too late!! The DB invoices at 10% discount for whatever his business is, so the same applies! Just send over the invoice!

Lemonsandsugar · 07/03/2020 18:32

If you’ve paid your brother in the past why the hell would he expect his done for free.

I’d actually charge him the exact same rate he charged you

Toogramtogiveadamn · 07/03/2020 18:34

The £500 materials is bad enough but I can’t believe your dh took 3 days annual leave to do the work. Who would even do that before anything had been agreed.
Not only has he done the work for free he has paid for it out of his own pocket and also his own salary by using annual leave.
I actually think I’d be more annoyed with the dh than the db

Toogramtogiveadamn · 07/03/2020 18:35

Also why are you worried about falling out with dB if you’re not that close? Even more reason to

Dailyjunglegrind · 07/03/2020 18:36

If your not particularly close with your DB, was your DH's offer to help or tout for business?

Your DB is being cheeky for not considering at least the cost of materials.. aka mates rates, . that would be the least to expect & be fair.. as for labour, I think its going to your decision whether you write the cost off "as family" or seek some compensation for it (or in kind at a future date). What would your DB expect if roles were reversed?

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/03/2020 18:38

Did your dh really take three days off his paid job to do a favour for someone else? Is he claiming to be sick, or has he lost 3 days earnings? Mind boggling...

feebeecat · 07/03/2020 18:40

Invoice - detailed list of materials and labour costs, minus his 10% discount. If (when) he kicks off, you can reduce labour costs. He really needs to pay materials at very least.

Cherrysoup · 07/03/2020 18:43

You pay your db with a 10% yet your db is expecting 3 days labour and materials for nothing? Surely not!! Tell him to bloody we pay up!

callmeadoctor · 07/03/2020 18:50

Your brother should have ordered and paid for materials in any event..............

Quartz2208 · 07/03/2020 18:53

Yep your brother should have ordered the materials

You are just going to have to email him an invoice and give a 10-25% discount as that is what they do with you

TO be fair your brother may well be waiting for the invoice

ICouldHaveBeenAContender · 07/03/2020 18:55

Dad was self-employed. When DB also started his own business, Dad's advice was 'beware friends and relatives'. DH and I often called upon DB's skills. I assume I got mates' rates Grin but we always paid. Partly because we didn't want our jobs to be at the end of the queue, after the paying customers! Also, we wanted the same quality of service as other people got. It's an arrangement that's worked for us.

Suggest your DH invoices your DB, and by all means show a hefty 'discount'.

Tistheseason17 · 07/03/2020 19:13

I agree with PP - invoice with 10% discount.

madcatladyforever · 07/03/2020 19:19

Why on earth didn't your OH discuss this before he started work. Now nobody knows where they stand and there could beasily a family fall out. I'd just say look we will have to charge you for materials as we had to buy those specially and chalk the rest uplease to experience but for goodness sake your OH has to speak up next time. You can't just produce a surprise bill when you've led them to believe it's going to be free!!!

ReadyforTakeOff · 07/03/2020 19:27

Your DH needs to learn how to communicate. This situation astounds me.

category12 · 07/03/2020 19:28

Your dh should give your brother the receipts for the materials and ask for the money back. But otherwise he's probably SOL.

CokeEnStock · 07/03/2020 19:42

Just send him a bill for the materials with a comment that the labour was free - mates rates and all.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 21:59

Op does your husband run a business/self employed? Or is he employed? When he took the time off work. Did he still get paid?

Runnerduck34 · 07/03/2020 23:54

How much were the materials? I think its reasonable to expect DB to pay for those, time is slightly different as it may have sounded like DH was offering as a friend/ relative and therefore as a favour, thou it would be nice to be given something as way of a thank you.
Think DH has to chalk up losing his time to experience but he should definitely ask for money for the materials

crosspelican · 08/03/2020 12:25

How long ago did this happen?

If your brother routinely charges you for whatever his biz does and gives a 10% discount, why would he assume this is any different? I think it's possible brother is getting a needlessly hard time here. Presumably he knows there were materials used for whatever the job is, knows that Wickes or whatever isn't a charity, and knows that your DH took 3 days from normal paid work to do this job.

Just send him a normal itemised invoice through your accounting software and put in a 10% discount.

Not sure why the handwringing, unless this has already been discussed with DB and he literally said "Oh - I didn't think he was CHARGING us, so I'm not paying."

crosspelican · 08/03/2020 12:26

Why on EARTH are people suggesting that he sucks up the the labour time when the brother has not actually suggested that he objects to paying for it? And when the brother expects family to pay their way with each other's businesses already?

Weregoingonanadventure · 08/03/2020 18:34

Because he didnt give a quote beforehand, which would allow the brother to make an informed decision over whether to allow the works or not. It really sounds like he's phrased it as a favour; it's his own fault

SoupDragon · 08/03/2020 18:40

Because he didnt give a quote beforehand, which would allow the brother to make an informed decision over whether to allow the works or not. It really sounds like he's phrased it as a favour; it's his own fault

Seriously? Only Cheeky Fuckers would expect materials for free.