Awkward situation re. money...

[User1775564212]

Don’t want to go into too much detail as might be outing but my brother had a problem with his house, DH is a tradesman and offered to help him fix it.

DH spent the best part of three days there and spend hundreds on materials.

DB seems to think it was done as a favour as hasn’t offered any money. DH is very squeamish when it comes to discussing money with my family. He’d like payment for one of the three days and obviously for the materials.

I’ve said he should have discussed this prior to doing the job. I’ve also said I’ll speak to DB but we’re not that close and I don’t want to fall out with him by landing him with a £500 bill when he was expecting it for free...

Any advice on what to say to DB?

You have the perfect get out OP. Send an itemised bill with 10% off. It will fester if you don't.

What can they possibly say?

I agree with dropping off an invoice for the full amount, with a prominent "10% family discount" reduction noted on it.

Just send a written bill.

Your brother is a bit of a dick for expecting it to be free, particularly if you are not close. And there are no circumstances in which I’d not offer payment to a mate that had done similar for me.

If your partner doesn’t want to get into a conversation about it, then he should prepare an invoice for the materials (and any labour he feels should be due) and just email or post it to your brother.

The annoying thing is they have a pretty successful business (no kids either) and we are given a 10% discount.

This drip feed has changed my opinion.
I was going to say for you to do what @Weregoingonanadventure said, and your dh to learn a lesson about being clear up front before starting any work, for anyone. ie, that this time, he has to 'suck up' the labour charges, but you still need to recover the cost of materials.
but
with the fact they have historically charged you for their skills with only a 10% discount, I now think it is reasonable he invoices them for his skills with a 10% discount.

I think, given your DH didn't say he was going to charge, that you can't really charge for labour after the event, without discussion. I wouldn't expect to pay a family member who offered to help me fix something.

Parts, at cost, invoice your DB for.

In the future discuss terms before doing any work for family and friends. And don't let your husband offer to help when he's actually touting for paid work. If he wants paid work, he needs to be clear about that.

Three days work and your brother thought he was getting it free? Including materials? Maybe he’s waiting for the invoice.

I think your husband is at fault for not quoting for the job. Majorly at fault, then asking you to sort it. Call your brother and explain the costs incurred.

Send a bill - fuck the DH should have discussed it 1st - THEY should have discussed it 1st before being a cheeky fucker as well. And YOU should deal with it as its your family. Use the proceeds to buy DH sone buisness savy and a wee back bone - possibly the only things left on the shelf 😁

How did the offer of help happen?
If DB asked for help bill him
If DH offered to help, bill for materials.

You both need to grow some balls here. Tell DB that whilst he was happy to help him out, he will need some money to compensate for the work he did. Your brother is being extremely rude not to offer some upfront.
That said, your DH really should have made this arrangement crystal clear before he started work. When you do work for family you MUST make these things transparent before you do anything otherwise you just end up in awkward situations like this.
Always best to text confirmation first, that way youve sent it in writing so noone can wriggle out of it or claim after they "didnt know"

Maybe just message DB and say DH feels embarrassed about sending you an invoice, but I was just wondering if you would rather an invoice for your financial record or do you just want me to send you a message with the amount for materials ect. X

DH is a tradesman and offered to help him fix it

No He didn’t, as a pp said. He touted for paid work,he just pretended to offer to help.

Bill him for the materials at cost and your DH’s time with 10% off.

That is so rude. My DB has done several jobs for me over the years, and I always give him a decent amount for his time and get my own materials, or make sure he his reimbursed immediately. I hope your DH won't be doing any further work for him.

Get your DH to ask him if he'd like the bill emailed or would he rather have a paper copy , then he'll be in no doubt that he needs to pay.

I dis agree with people your DH isn't a drip or spineless.

My DH is a tradesman and this situation with family and friends happens a lot and is very awkward. DH will be asked if he can 'pop round and take a look' at something that needs doing and then 'mates rates' are expected which sometimes means doing the job for a returned favour at some point in time! Or being offered payment which is practically nothing. DH now goes in to hiding if he thinks someone is after a favour because he is like your DH and finds discussing payment with family members really awkward.

DH should be paid for materials and YOU need to tell your brother that.
Regardless of whether you fall out or not, he is wrong to expect materials to be paid by you.
DH should not have taken time off to do the work and fit it in over weekends.
Put it down to experience and don’t do any more till rules are set in place

The fact your brother has done work for you and charged makes this much easier

Just bill him in the same way he billed you

Your brother surely didn't expect all the materials for nothing! Regardless of whether he expected to pay for labour, not paying for materials used is cheeky fuckery.

When friends or relatives do jobs for me, using their work skills and time they would have otherwise spent earning money, I always expect to pay. It's nice if you only pay mate's rates, and get the materials at cost price. But I wouldn't expect any of it free.

Small jobs or favours done in their own time might be free, same as I would do for them. But even then I'd pay for materials without question.

And this is why you dont do big jobs for family or friends.

£500 materials? Your DB is an arse for not offering that upfront! Does he think your DH has a spare £500 to chuck about?

Gosh, how silly to not discuss this before hand! Your DB might well have assumed the materials were odd ends that your DH didn’t need. I think ask for the money but don’t get the hump big time if he can’t pay it or at least some of it, because the fault lies in not having been clear from the start. I suspect when this squeamishness puts a dent in the wallet, your DH will find the courage to be more upfront.

As others have suggested, you could just send the bill and say nothing. But I think, family or no family, its very unprofessional to bill and basically fail to quote upfront.