DH unsure if he wants to be with me

[4piecesofCheeseontoast]

My DH has told me tonight he's not sure if he wants to be with me anymore. He's been feeling this way for a year. We have 2 children together and I didn't see this coming.
We've been married for 5 1/2 years, together for nearly 10. I honestly don't know what to do, I feel heart broken. I don't want this to end this way but I don't know if we can over come it. He loves this kids but feels like we are house mates now. I feel sick

What a cliche he is. Sickening.

Get practical, op. Put yourself number one now because sure as sugar is sweet he will be.

So sorry op. Yes he will have spun the narrative in his head of long term unhappiness in order to absolve himself off guilt and responsibility. Sucks and I really wish you were not finding yourself in this club.
Do try and keep communication channels open for the sake of your DC, but it is ok to be very angry and sad and it's important to allow all these feeling out in whatever way you feel able (even if it's a rant on here).
Hope you have some good support in real life. Use them, I have been amazed at how kind some people have been.

Get everything firmed up in writing, preferably through a solicitor, such as who pays what. They ALL start out saying that they will be fair and pay for such and such and see the kids all the time time. Once the guilt they feel at breaking up their marriage starts to fade, so do the intentions.

Look after yourself and the children.

Sorry to hear this OP

Start as you mean to go on. He pays what he should. He has the kids OVERNIGHT, don't let him off as he'll want his cake and eat it!

Sickens me how men can re-invent themselves overnight and fit their kids in around their new 'fun' lifestyle! While blaming it on 'drifting apart' and still claiming to want to be a good dad

Not the option for us left behind being the primary carer!

Talk to his DM. He will doubtless not have told her the truth. Explain she'll have DC in her home for overnights and weekends.

Say he left without warning, refused to try to save the marriage.Ask DM if she's met OW.

I would be thinking he’s got his eyes on someone else at work. It’s time to make life more difficult for him. Time to let him know that you’ve been thinking too, and you’re not sure what you want either. He needs to give YOU some thinking time. He can spend some time with the kids starting this weekend. You can go to Mum’s/friend’s, etc. Take time out. Let him step up. He can also do the first half of the school week. Without input from you. He has time to sort this. When you get home, you expect the house to be impeccable. (I did this to DH, btw.)

@4piecesofCheeseontoastb so sorry to hear that it's come out about the OW. It's unlikely to provide much comfort now but just to say that, in most instances the men who leave end up regretting it, and by that time the women have moved on and wouldn't consider taking them back. It sounds like you were doing much more than him so you'll manage fine I'm sure.

So I've packed a bag for my DC to go and stay with him for 2 nights from today. It broke my heart packing them up like that. I'll be coming home to an empty house after work, all I can ask myself is why has he done this? Why?!
UC meeting this morning, hoping for at least good news from them so I don't have to panic about money as well. I know they probably won't tell me anything much today. Oh what a huge pile of shite this is.

I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is.

Can you try to use the time alone to do things that you really really like doing? Not just mindlessly sitting in front of the TV. Do things that bring you joy, even if it is just reading books you like and listening to your favourite music. And try to work out; I always feel soooooo much better after exercising.

In time you will be less distraught and feel stronger, and you can spend the time to work on yourself. There are so many good self-help books and podcasts out there that can help you improve your outlook, stop you from accepting shit from your X and feel more positive about the future.

Above all, look after yourself.

Have you friends that you can meet up with? Exercise classes you could go to?

Join a pay as you go gym?

you're doing so well.

Do you have anyone you can speak to IRL?

Oh and next time don't pack a bag he needs to sort out what they need and provide it - nightwear, nappies, toothbrush clean clothes etc.

He picks them up appropriately dressed and drops them back appropriately dressed.