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Original poster

AM I crazy?

73 replies

Hey15 · 04/03/2020 09:38

Ok here goes....
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years last year I found out he was paying for pictures of other woman he said to wank to? I didn’t believe him but I couldn’t leave him him, he said he wanks all the time and he’s been doing it as long as he can remember. It really hurt because there was so many pictures on his phone, website after website etc, we said we would work things out, but I don’t trust him one bit, he lied to me for weeks before admitting the pictures!!
Now last night I walked down stairs to get a drink he was on the sofa with a hard on. I didn’t see him wanking but I could see his dick was hard though his bottoms I asked him he said he wasn’t but of course he won’t tell me the truth, am I wrong in thinking of leaving him,!?? We have 2 girls together and I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship! I don’t want to break up the family but I know he’s lieing again

OP posts:
Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 09:42

Also he said he wasn’t hard it was a semi and it always happens, I know he’s lieing but what can I do about it

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/03/2020 09:52

You can't do anything about it.
He is an adult and he chooses to do this.
It's up to you whether it's a deal-breaker or not.
He's a porn addict.
IF he wants to address it then it's very hard and will take more than 2 years intense counselling for him to 'quit' this.
Why is he paying for pictures?
You can access millions of porn pics on-line.
There is no need to pay. So what kind of pictures are these?
I'd be very worried about that.
And... he is spending family money on porn.
How will he feel when his 2 girls get into this industry and men like him are wanking over them?
Will he be OK with that?
(that won't happen, but it's a scenario I would put to him)

Sharpandshineyteeth · 04/03/2020 09:55

Two separate issues here. He wanks all the time. So what, it’s his body and you absolutely cannot control that. Arguing about a semi is ridiculous. Second issue is what he wanks too. I get that paying for pictures makes you feel uncomfortable but if he needs a visual stimulation, he’s going to find one, whether that be pictures from the internet or porn.

Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 09:56

I just hate the lies, makes me feel stupid.
He’s amazing other then this issue.
Not sure why he pays for pictures!
He’s a good dad works very hard for the family so I can stay at home and look after the kids.
But I love him and just so fed up with the lies.

It’s so hard,

OP posts:
Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 09:59

@Sharpandshineyteeth it’s the lies that bothers me, if he had a issue with wanking then just say, we have a very active sex life ad have it most nights, but he goes training Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday and don’t get back till about 11 I normally wait up for him but I was to tied last night, if we have sex all the time why does he need to wank!???

OP posts:
Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:04

Or if he wants to wank then man up and say so don’t lie, he told he he don’t want to wank anymore. He don’t need to wank anymore and if it becomes a problem again he would talk to be about it.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 10:19

Is your issue the photos of other women or the wanking? If it’s the latter then that’s a conversation to have about what your boundaries are around pornography and what you each view as infidelity. And if you can’t reconcile that then that might ultimately be a reason to separate.

If it’s the fact that he masturbates a lot then, if you have sex most days, it isn’t affecting your sex life, which I think is the only valid reason a partner should have for being upset over their partner’s masturbation. I’d be somewhere between angry and mortified if my partner was constantly trying to catch me out masturbating and asking me whether I’d done it or why I was doing it or trying to make me stop doing it. It’s normal, it’s healthy. It is completely different to sex - sometimes you just want to get off for relaxation or to fulfil an urge rather than all the logistics and emotion that come with sex, and as long as he isn’t regularly rejecting you in favour of having a wank then it really isn’t your business.

NoMoreDickheads · 04/03/2020 10:20

Or if he wants to wank then man up and say so don’t lie, he told he he don’t want to wank anymore. He don’t need to wank anymore and if it becomes a problem again he would talk to be about it

Masturbation is a bit taboo. Most of us do it at some point, but we don't talk about it- it's normal not to talk about it. Grilling one's partner about whether they're masturbating or not, or somehow banning it, or encouraging them to ban it for themselves, is a bit odd.

Having said that, this level of sexuality is unusual. I would find it disturbing and it'd maybe make me less attracted to him.

And does he really pay for pics? Is that because he likes particular porn actresses or something? :/

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 10:20

Sorry - if it’s the former, the first sentence should say.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 10:23

He’s lying because he’s embarrassed. You’re making him feel awkward about it by grilling him over it.

Musti · 04/03/2020 10:24

Why is he paying for pics when there are billions available for free? However, wanking is his prerogative and if it isn't affecting your sex life then I don't see the issue.

DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 10:30

Or if he wants to wank then man up and say so don’t lie, he told he he don’t want to wank anymore

How often do you masturbate OP. Do you tell your partner about it. Do you tell him what you fantasise about while you do it? Cos, shit, I don’t! That’s stuff is private. Not sure why you’d expect your partner to be so open with you about his wanking!!

Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:31

The issue is lieing I didn’t care if he wank before but I do now because of the lies because of websites and pictures, I’m sure I only know half the story there, if he was wanking to normal porn I wouldn’t of cared but he was paying a online prostitute For pictures couple of £s a night, for about a year, I have looking into his bank and he has stopped paying for that I think, I don’t care if I now embarrassed him He lied for weeks made me feel crazy laughing at me saying I was wrong he didn’t know about the picture etc,
MAYBE TO MUCH HAS HAPPENED MAYBE I SHOULD WALK

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Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:32

@DropYourSword I don’t want to be lied to?
There’s a difference if he didn’t lie before it wouldn’t be a problem?
I don’t masturbate I don’t need to we have sex most night

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DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 10:33

You seriously can’t understand why he’d lie to you about this?!!

Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:36

No I don’t
He shouldn’t of lied Before, then it wouldn’t of been such a problem

It’s not the wanking it’s what he’s wanking to
I find it weird that people need to hide this

OP posts:
Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:37

If he said just laughed and said yeh I was wanking I could of been fine but he don’t he lies and lies why would I want to be with someone that can lie over something so stupid? What else could he be lieing about?

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DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 10:38

You find it weird that the vast majority of people would find it excruciatingly embarrassing to talk about something so intensely private?

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2020 10:40

You asked in your title - crazy isn’t a kind word but yes, I think you’re totally off kilter with this. You don’t have the right to demand someone tells you when they masturbate! He’s lying because you are making him feel utterly embarrassed about something completely normal. I really doubt that if he was actually honest about doing it, you’d be fine as you insist - you’d be telling him he didn’t need to when he has you and still giving him grief.

I have sex most days, usually several times. I still masturbate if I feel the urge, because it’s different. If you don’t like the paying for photographs and use of porn, you have the right to a discussion about that and say they aren’t something you’re prepared to tolerate in your relationship. But back off over the rest!

Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:41

Yes I do that’s what I just said 😂
I’m not a Random person He’s talking to?
If was can he open about sex why can’t he be open? Even if he finds it embarrassing he shouldn’t lie it’s wrong, calling me every name up the sun so he don’t get embarrassed please I’m worth More then that, he’s supposed to be a man

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Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:43

@ComtesseDeSpair I have told him I don’t want him in the sites he been on I find it wrong, im not stupid I know lots of people wanks, just hiding it doing it while I’m looking after his kids while he’s up stairs I’m sorry but it’s wrong

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DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 10:43

Well, I wouldn’t worry too much OP. Keep acting like this towards him and I’m sure he won’t stick around much longer. Problem solved.

Guiltypleasures001 · 04/03/2020 10:46

Hi op

What do you mean paying for pics? How often how much are we talking

Paying for the pics ide be passed about that involves contact
There's plenty of free pics on the net

Original poster
Hey15 · 04/03/2020 10:47

Acting like what?
He’s bare face lieing to me!
Paying for pictures going up stairs leaving me with the kids? So he can go have a wank. Sorry but no man would do that,

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DropYourSword · 04/03/2020 10:49

You want him to stay downstairs and do it in front of you?

What’s with the “be a man” “no man would” shit??