AM I crazy?

[Hey15]

Ok here goes....
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years last year I found out he was paying for pictures of other woman he said to wank to? I didn’t believe him but I couldn’t leave him him, he said he wanks all the time and he’s been doing it as long as he can remember. It really hurt because there was so many pictures on his phone, website after website etc, we said we would work things out, but I don’t trust him one bit, he lied to me for weeks before admitting the pictures!!
Now last night I walked down stairs to get a drink he was on the sofa with a hard on. I didn’t see him wanking but I could see his dick was hard though his bottoms I asked him he said he wasn’t but of course he won’t tell me the truth, am I wrong in thinking of leaving him,!?? We have 2 girls together and I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship! I don’t want to break up the family but I know he’s lieing again

@Guiltypleasures001 he was doing it like 5 times a week could of £s every time it’s a prostitute site If you like there profile you pay for pictures and video etc he said he was more real
I don’t under why I should be ok with this

It's normal to masturbate and you're being very unreasonable.
Good post @dropyoursword.

You'll not find a man that doesn't. So unless you want to live alone forever I'd be less accusing. Are you religious as this seems a bit bible bashing. It's not considered a 'sin' anymore.
However I'd prefer he did it in bedroom or bathroom not lounge.

Ok what if it was the other way around he’s down stairs cooking dinner cleaning up and sorting the kids out and I was up in bed fingering my self with that be ok? No it wouldn’t.
Any man i think would be helping or playing with his children before they go bed..

Can't believe the responses on here OP. I'd ask to see his phone and be prepared to walk. Spent 5 years in a similar situation with porn obsessed exH and it destroys your self confidence, causes anxiety etc. It isn't worth it, he won't stop lying so you don't know really what he's doing.
My ex spent thousands on private online sex sessions with webcam girls. I wish I had been strong enough to finish it when I first found out.

I think everyone’s is missing the point, it’s what he’s doing it to!

@QuentinWinters thank you!!
I don’t understand why I should sit back when I know he’s doing all that shit behind my back it’s Hurts

I’m with you OP, completely unacceptable. It’s not the masturbation it’s the lying. And paying for porn is ridiculous in this day and age. Are you sure he hasn’t done more seeing as he was looking at prostitutes? I don’t have a problem with my dh wanking or looking at porn but I would have a problem with him lying to me, paying for porn, neglecting his family so he can wank and making me out to be crazy when confronted. You don’t own him, he can wank away but you don’t have to put up with his lies. That would be it for me.

Everyone who has answered so far has asked you whether it’s the photographs or the wanking which you’re bothered by, and in each of your responses you’ve focussed on the wanking and then been told it isn’t reasonable to police what someone does with their own body but that you do have the right not to tolerate porn or payment for it and it is fine for that to be a dealbreaker. You’ve then continued to say you don’t like him masturbating or denying it when you —interrogate— ask him about it. That’s why you’re not getting the responses you want to hear!

How much is he spending on the porn?

There are websites like only fans, model type women who sell explicit content as subscriptions, kind of like Netflix. There’s a level of infatuation with certain personalities that would make you want to pay to see these things, that can cross a line for a lot of people.

Also something like adult work where they are known sex workers, but again there’s a reason you go on to pay for things that are freely available, I think the men are obviously looking for some kind of additional emotional connection that paying for it creates.

How much is he spending? That's the important factor here, not the wanking, the porn use or the timing. You have no right to stop him doing it but you have every right to confront the spending issue if it's a lot.

He sounds hard work OP with his lies and wanking addiction, and paying for pictures to wank off to sounds pretty desperate to me. I'm fairly confident most men wouldn't need to do this, they'd just watch pornhub or something. Either way, I don't think I could trust him and i'd find it totally annoying to have some bloke thinking about nothing but wanking, and doing it upstairs when he should be doing fatherly duties. Sounds like you need to chuck a bucket of cold water over him

The wanking is normal. It is a myth that if you have regular sex you don't need to do it. It is different. Even if he is sneaking upstairs for a quickie, that is not so bad--but if he is up there for ages leaving you to do all the work, obviously that is not ok. He doesn't have to tell you that he is wanking. It is a private thing.

Paying for pics from prostitutes is not ok and is highly suspicious considering there are free pics of everything you could ever want, online. I doubt it is only pics he gets tbh. This is the real issue and no you are not BU for wanting this to stop.

Before all the lies porn or wanking was never a problem, but he left open adult work tab on his phone, i was using it with him sat next to me, he lied over and over for weeks and there was lots more, of pictures etc but I said we could work on it and I don’t want him on the sites and if he needs them we should spilt he said he won’t ever use them again, now of course if he’s wanking I’m worried he will go back on the sites

@CrazyToast he used to be up there for ages saying he was on the loo 🙄
I don’t see the need to lie
I got told if you need to lie the. You probably shouldn’t be doing it

@wobblywinelover thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks like this
To be honest he’s made me this way with his lies

I would be upset too, especially by the pictures. If it's eating you up so much then leave him. Either that or you're going to be checking up on him driving yourself mad.

I wish I could leave I’m not strong enough, we haven’t spoken since last night, I just want to truth if he’s wanking to normal porn then whatever but anything more then no

You ARE strong enough. You might not feel it right now but would you rather sentence yourself to this lifetime of wondering misery than leave and have a happy peaceful life? You can leave, you don’t need to spend the rest of your life downstairs slogging away with the kids wondering if he’s pissing money up the wall on pictures to wank to. What’s your housing situation? Do you rent or own? Whose on the tenancy/mortgage? Do you have access to money?

I feel bad for the kids 😢
I have a 6 year old with health problems and he spends a lot of time in and out of hospital and I don’t work so I rely On my boyfriend for income we rent and it’s in both of are names!
I wish this was never a problem

The problem is you know that he lies to you so even if he does say he doesn't visit the sites you won't necessarily be able to trust him.
That's why you need to ask to access his phone/laptop and if he refuses you have your answer.

Is he pushy about having sex with you?

He’s never pushing with sex, I always have access to his phone His bank and everything I want really, controlling or whatever but he has nothing to hide it wouldn’t be a proble x

I understand feeling bad for the kids but honestly is this any life for them? Him gaslighting you, you both arguing, him wasting money on porn?

HE said he stop when I found out over a year ago paying for them I look at his bank so I know he hasn’t the kids neve see us argue but I’m so close to walking I’m going to try and talk to him tonight xx thank you

Good luck, you are worth more than this

Thank you
Talking didnt go as planed he’s saying he don’t wank anymore he can’t believe it will get out of control again 🙄
As if I believe that
I won’t see him now till tomorrow evening now
I can walk away or put it to the back of my mind.
I love him in every way possible but I hate this part of him 😳