AM I crazy?

[Hey15]

Ok here goes....
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years last year I found out he was paying for pictures of other woman he said to wank to? I didn’t believe him but I couldn’t leave him him, he said he wanks all the time and he’s been doing it as long as he can remember. It really hurt because there was so many pictures on his phone, website after website etc, we said we would work things out, but I don’t trust him one bit, he lied to me for weeks before admitting the pictures!!
Now last night I walked down stairs to get a drink he was on the sofa with a hard on. I didn’t see him wanking but I could see his dick was hard though his bottoms I asked him he said he wasn’t but of course he won’t tell me the truth, am I wrong in thinking of leaving him,!?? We have 2 girls together and I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship! I don’t want to break up the family but I know he’s lieing again

Oh op I'm sorry I can't imagine how your feeling . I myself would be gone in a shot . I won't have lorn in a relationship and if I found out no matter how good we were it would be over . I have issues with porn mind . I think maybe he has a sex addiction ? I know men wank but to wank all the time I think then there might be a deeper Isis going on. My boyfriend doesn't watch porn anymore . Not saying that he never will again but for the last year nothing . If he's stupid enough to do it again then it's his problem that we are over . X

Did you make it clear to him that it isn’t the wanking, it’s the lying and paying for it and making out like you’re crazy when you confront him about it? If it were me in this situation I’d find it impossible to move on. I really feel for you

I haven’t seen him doing it for the past year. I have told him I don’t want him on them sites then we will spilt.
But he makes me feel crazy, I’m not sure if it’s all in my head or not!!! Is he telling the truth? Has he stopped? We have sex more in the past year.
He’s promised when I found out he wouldn’t do it!
But he’s lied before, I have look though his phone and nothing but it’s so easy to delete things

@Princessfaffalot
I did he was very chilled at first but I kept calling him a lier then it all got out of control
He keeps saying you can’t keep bringing up the past I can’t change it I’m not on the sites I’m not paying for anything etc xx

Can you check his bank statements xxx

@inasituation87 I have there’s nothing on there, x

Hmmm if he's doing it still you will catch him out one day . He will forget to delete stuff off his phone . Check his deleted photo album maybe he's forgot to delete any photos for good x

Sorry but no man would do that

Virtually every man wanks and uses porn, and they wouldn't usually tell their partner when they've done/are going to do it.

If it was while you were looking after the kids, that doesn't matter too much as it wouldn'tve taken him long I imagine.

The amount he's doing it might creep me out a bit though, but that's because it'd remind me of my sleazy ex and his 'sex' obsession.

Ah ok, I get it if it's really sleazy sites maybe, and if he's really up there for ages.

I look on his phone regulars not healthy I know, when I walk down the stairs last night he gave me his phone straight away amen there was nothing there 🙄
Do I walk now or wait and see what happens I believe he will forget one day I just want prove he doing it again

Hi op

I wouldn't be alright with his behaviour

He is spending family money on sex workers, and that's food out of your child's mouth, it's bill and rent money

Ide kick him in to touch, it's cheating in my eyes

I’m sorry but...how is everyone somehow accusing the guy of gaslighting her and being unreasonable. She’s a controlling unpleasant piece of work here too! She’s already said she checked his bank account and he’s stopped making payments. She’s been very clear it’s as much the wanking that bothers her as the payments which have stopped. She’s made very unpleasant derogatory comments about how a real man behaves. She’s bloody awful!

YABU You have no right to know about his masturbation habits if they are not affecting your sex life.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her partner to help out with kids and participate in family life rather than be downstairs wanking. We all masturbate but there's a time and a place.

He paid for photos of a real woman that he fancied. To wank to while he imagined fucking them. I wouldn’t be thrilled with this.
However, the arguing over whether he had a semi or a raging hard-on is quite ridiculous.
He will wank. It doesn’t matter how many times you have sex. If he fancies a knuckle shuffle he will, as would anyone else. What he wanks to or thinks about is his business. But paying a real person for wank material is just wrong.

Paying for the pictures would be the issue for me. It sounds like you've gone into hyper detective mode, grilling him and calling him a liar. That's not good for you, him, or the relationship. Most people masturbate regularly and being interrogated about it would be a horrible way to live. You either have to let it go or break up.

For me I'd have an issue with him paying a sex worker for photos. I'd assume he's also meeting her regularly and the photos were for in between meets. Where does he go 3 times a week til 11pm? Are you sure he's not visiting this sex worker in that time ?

In any case, he sounds like a sex addict or hyper sexual. Total turn off. I get why you don't like it.

He’s definitely not meeting sex works he goes Brazilian jujitsu With my uncle lol

The class is 50 minutes drive from here to his class,

I know I have issue over it all now because of the sites, he has changed in the past year before he would wank when he got home from work then wouldn’t have sex with the in the evening because he already released
But now most evening we have sex
Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt

And see what happens
This is his first serious relationship he said he got into the habit of wanking Way before we got together and just didn’t stop,but yeh I dunno

I think you're over fixating on the wanking. Getting het up and quizzing him over seeing he had an erection is wrong. I understand where you're coming from with him paying for the pictures, which seems to have stopped. You can't ban someone from masturbating though - for most people it's a healthy natural thing. You're going to drive yourself mad with the suspicions and you'll probably push him away from you if you carry on like this.

I don’t mind the wanking bit, just the sites he uses I haven’t told him not to wank I just don’t want him on the sites, also if I walk in on him wanking not to call me a cunt and lie about it 🙄

Now last night I walked down stairs to get a drink he was on the sofa with a hard on. I didn’t see him wanking but I could see his dick was hard though his bottoms I asked him he said he wasn’t but of course he won’t tell me the truth, am I wrong in thinking of leaving him,!??

This is what makes you sound like the masturbation police and when you said you kept calling him a liar. All you can do is talk to him and say you've no issues with him masturbating (and show this by stopping the quizzing today) but that you would see it as a huge breach of trust if he were paying for pics again. From what you've said that has all stopped but a calm, honest discussion is needed.

he used to be up there for ages saying he was on the loo

OP reading that has brought back horrific memories. My ex used to spend 30 mins in the bathroom every morning (to the point where he made me late for work) wanking, saying he was on the loo. Like you I didn't give a crap he was wanking but found it inconsiderate given the timing and the fact he used my laptop, but more importantly it was massively unnerving how doggedly he would lie and lie and lie to my face about it - even when there was obviously evidence (e.g the tabs he'd left open).

That might be all your DP lies about, who knows, but in my case, well put it this way, the things he was prepared to lie about turned out to be a LOT darker than merely wanking to porn And I only properly found out after 7 years.

I understand why you're upset, it's v.unsettling having someone lie belligerently to your face; makes you wonder if they're lying about anything else.

That might be all your DP lies about, who knows, but in my case, well put it this way, the things he was prepared to lie about turned out to be a LOT darker than merely wanking to porn sad And I only properly found out after 7 years.
Yep, my experience too