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Original poster

Think my hubby is up to no good (dating sites??)

55 replies

Mumo2020 · 03/03/2020 18:20

No idea how to approach this so looking for some advice. During a very happy time in our marriage I smelt a rat and did some searching and found he had a 'looking for fun' profile on a dating site :( I confronted him and WW3 kicked off - he smashed up my laptop then said the 'lads at work' made it for a laugh, didn't believe this and the profile disappeared and he swore he would never let his mates do it again eye roll This was a good 10 years ago.
Since then I have avoided any looking at his phone etc as I don't think I could handle it if I found something. We now have 4 children and life has been good, however, I just started a full time job and I know he is struggling with this change.
Tonight his phone was flashing & he was outside so I pressed a button to light it up and it was passcode locked, as (Iphone and no idea how they work) I swiped to the left and there appeared to be some 'frequently used apps' in there was Tinder and plenty of fish.
I genuinely have no idea how to approach this. I did make up some profiles to try and 'find' him with no luck so maybe he isn't active? I have no idea. Previously when I have mentioned such apps he has sniggered about how desperate they are?
He will deny/delete I am sure. I want to get to the bottom/crux of any issue???
We rely on each other for childcare and if he storms out I can't go to work :( SIlly but true. I have no family support and few friends :/
No one to talk it through with :(

OP posts:
Mydogatemypurse · 03/03/2020 18:25

He is using it. They wouldnt be there otherwise. .I'm sorry you are going thru this. You cant stay with a cheater just because of childcare. You will get help. Go on the entitled to website and it will tell you what you will get.
Plus he will have to pay maintenance.
You will be ok. You might not be as well off and you will be tired but you will get rid of paranoia and someone who doesnt respect you I speak from experience. X

Emptywallet · 03/03/2020 18:34

He is using them but may have blocked your area or only views profiles from a completely different area.

He’s a shit Flowers

mamato3lads · 03/03/2020 18:39

Ah for fucks sake

Clearly using them otherwise WHY would they be there?

If you confront him you know he'll get violent again to deflect from the situation. Smashing up a laptop? Pathetic behaviour from a man who clearly cant keep it in his pants.

I'm so so sorry OP. What support have you got? You cant stay with this man. He will hurt you again and again Flowers

ouch321 · 03/03/2020 18:42

Not exactly the same thing, but when I was cheated on last year I was told that one of the reasons he didn't think it would work out with us long term was that we'd met on a dating website and that it wasn't the 'proper' way to meet someone.
Lo and behold months after he broke things off with me I found out he had started seeing someone behind my back months before and of course, yes, they had met on a dating website.

So I'd take his ridiculing with a pinch of salt if I were you.

Original poster
Mumo2020 · 03/03/2020 18:44

I genuinely have no support but I am a strong person (deep down) I just value honesty and would have far more respect if he just was upfront and told me rather than treat me this way. I guess decent people would do that after 15 years together & 4 children!

OP posts:
Toria70 · 03/03/2020 18:45

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.............

Stop burying your head in the sand.

Middersweekly · 03/03/2020 18:46

He must have these apps downloaded on his phone and be frequently using them. I agree with the poster above. Maybe you need to widen your search area if you want to find him on there. That being said I don’t have these apps so I don’t know how they work entirely. Whether he has actually met anyone yet or not, the intention is clearly there.

lazylinguist · 03/03/2020 18:50

I know it's easier to say than do, but you should have left him when he smashed up your laptop. No decent person behaves like that.

Babooshkar · 03/03/2020 18:50

Can you take a photo or make a video of what you described seeing on his screen (with the dating apps showing)? At least this proves they are there on his device, before he deletes them / denies it all.

Original poster
Mumo2020 · 03/03/2020 18:54

I just want the complete proof if that makes sense, I can cope with the fall out I just will not be made out to be the bad guy x

OP posts:
Mydogatemypurse · 03/03/2020 18:54

You can hide your profile so you may never find him on the app. They are sneaky fucks.

Rosalo · 03/03/2020 19:21

You've got proof. So sorry OP.

Mum4Fergus · 03/03/2020 19:25

What more proof do you think you need?

Opaljewel · 03/03/2020 19:26

Your proof is there op... no matter how much he tries to twist it, you've seen them. No one downloads these in a relationship who don't intend to use...

NoMoreDickheads · 03/03/2020 19:35

OP, he smashed up your laptop. [frown]. That's not good at all. Does he have a temper at other times?

I agree with PPs that you have proof. I would try to take a screenshot or whatever of what you saw, so he can't deny/hide it. You might find out more if you can get on other devices, or n his emails.

Ozziewozzie · 03/03/2020 19:36

My stbeh was a serial one of these!
You could check his emails? Sometimes with these apps, they send an email notification too, or at the very least, there could be an email for when he signed up initially. The email will also give you a date as to when he’s signed up from.
Could you access his emails from a computer? Check his deleted emails too.
Even if he seated you blind he has t met anyone, it’s irrelevant in my opinion. He wanted to, he’s signed up to. Like another poster said, if he walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.......

Original poster
Mumo2020 · 03/03/2020 20:02

You are all correct x

OP posts:
Iris27 · 03/03/2020 20:07

Any chance the phone opens up with fingerprint?

bobstersmum · 03/03/2020 20:07

Absolute bastard, considering what he'd been upto and what he's done in the past, I'd be smashing up his phone.

Iris27 · 03/03/2020 20:08

Although I do agree, you don't really need any more proof

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2020 20:10

More proof? You really need more? He's a cheat and playing you for a fool. I would be getting an STI check asap.

QueenOfOversharing · 03/03/2020 20:12

What an utter prick. Sorry OP

StVincent · 03/03/2020 20:18

Did you manage to find out more from the emails?

Mrskeats · 03/03/2020 20:21

He smashed your laptop? Shocking.

Forumqueen · 03/03/2020 20:21

Could you try and watch over him the next time he tries to go into his phone ....and see his passcode. So that you can try and get in his phone once his asleep.’

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