MIL ruining my marriage

[Changerazelea]

Hi all,
Posting for a hand hold and some advice, I've found recent threads on this topic reassuring in terms of the difficulties others were having with family relationships and guess I'm seeking some solace.

Married 10 years with 2 DD aged 9 & 5, DH and I have great relationship and have been very happy throughout our marriage and he is an amazing father.

We decided after having the children to move closer to his family for support and MIL and FIL were delighted and initially very involved with the children for last number of years. Generally MIL & FIL provided support for after school and babysitting once or twice a week. We live around a mile away so often school drop offs would evolve into family dinners and watching TV all together etc.

I have always enjoyed a very close relationship with FIL & MIL having lost my own parents and and in some ways came to rely on my MIL for advice and friendship heavily in the children's early years.

Fastforward 5 years and my FIL sadly died leaving a huge hole in the family, MIL obviously devastated but kept up her support of the family and together with extra support from us all seemed to be coping well and had a busy social life. Last year MIL started a relationship with an old friend who had just lost his wife, we were supportive but surprised by the speed and intensity of the relationship given her partners very recent bereavement. MIL has now announced her engagement and is planning to move away from the area, sell the family home and move to be with her fiance.

DH is very supportive of MIL and cannot see any reason for resentment on my part of her new life, I feel that we have been abandoned by MIL with very little regard for the children and for the diminishing time we now spend together that I have no relationship with her anymore. She will not spend any time with us without her fiance and I feel that I have lost her entirely to the new relationship.

Suppose I wonder how to manage the loss of this friendship in my life, I feel as if it has massively changed the dynamic in my marriage and don't see a way to keep my feelings and resentment out of my relationship with DH.

Any wise words of encouragement or thoughts on what may be useful for me in terms of counselling? Thanks all x

But no, it turns out OP and the GC were just a distraction she is happy to drop.

Distraction from what? Her previous husband?

She could move to the other side of the moon and still what you are saying would be ridiculous.

She's putting herself first and good on her. There's more to life than babysitting and propping up other people.

'But no, it turns out OP and the GC were just a distraction she is happy to drop.'

FFS

Was the poor woman's late husband just a 'distraction'

That's one of the most ridiculous punts I've ever read on here.

How far away is she moving, OP?

I think your OP was a little clumsily worded which is why you are getting a hard time. My friend went through something quite similar. She married young and was living in her husbands country with his parents. DH was an only child and they were all so close until MIL passed away fairly young. FIL became a little suffocating with their DS (sadly born 3 days after MIL died) wanting to see him constantly and buying large gifts all the time. But they remained close and DS was incredibly close to his grandfather.

Then FIL remarried and naturally his interests have shifted and he has some company. Which is of course amazing but my friend was left with feelings of rejection. More so for her DC than herself. They had been so close and all if a sudden he now visits once a year and even then doesnt really want to do much with the children.

Just be happy for her op. I’m sure things will change again down the line. Just keep the lines of communication openz