Strip club

[outherealone]

My bf went on friends birthday last week . The friend had talked about going to a strip club in the original party invite but then he deleted and cancelled everything and my bf just told me they were a small group (a few guys and one woman) going to dinner.
He was messaging me sporadically through the night with little ‘titbits ’ eg we’ve had dinner , we’re now in such and such pub, this person is being a dick, all that kind of stuff. He never mentioned a strip club and messaged me after on the way home saying the evening had been ‘very entertaining’
We hadn’t seen each other since but are in regular contact (ldr)
Then whilst out last night he’d mentioned the birthday and he said that his friend had had a private lapdance.
I replied ‘oh so you went to a strip club and were messaging me throughout the eve etc but never thought to mention you were there?’ he said ‘well i haven’t seen you since then...’
he only mentioned it in passing and said ‘I didn’t have a dance but I chatted to a couple of the girls to pass the time, as you do’
I’m like, ’oh funny you never mentioned it when we were texting that eve whilst you were out‘
I was also a bit hmmm about him chatting to girls sho were probably pretty much naked and mega hot (I have huge body issues due to disability)
He said he didn’t get a private dance as ‘there’s no point it doesn’t lead to anything even if I wasn’t single‘ ... so I said ‘but you watch porn knowing it doesn’t lead to anything’ and he was ‘yeah I suppose that’s true,’
So now I’m not sure if he’s told me the whole story or if half true? he said two of the guys had a private dance , didn’t mention the woman in the group but if another guy didn’t get a private dance why did my bf have to chat to the strippers?
I’m so bloody rattled that We were messaging and he never mentioned it!
he has form for omitting information to evade/avoid ‘awkward discussions’ but in this case he willingly told me but days later.

I was also mildly pissed off that he’d gone in the first place as his friend is vile and had recently sent me inappropriate messages and my bf never addressed it with him. The friend has form for cheating on other friends with their wives and girlfriends but that’s by the by...
I didn’t want to spoil our evening out so had to park it really...Not sure how im feeling about it now, am I normal to be a bit rattled ?
Thoughts and feelings aside about ethics , I’m not even going there at this point.

@nacher - shortly afterwards she became my lover, so no she wasn’t repulsed

🤢 Urghhh cringe

my boyfriend gave his ex girlfriend a lift and i packed his stuff.

for this i’d have two new christmas “baubles”

Of course you're not sure @MMmomDD, you are mn resident man apologist..

@nacher, lol at referring to your Cokeywokey ideas as feminism...🤣

Obviously trafficking and coercion is wrong. No one is denying that.
But at the same time - a woman can chose to do what she wants with her body. Even if it’s a choice that we’d not make ourselves.

These choices that a woman so 'freely' makes, harms other women who don't have the choice. It's perpetuating the cycle of women being objectified by men. As long as men still see women as a commodity, something they can buy and sell, something that is just there to fuck, women will still be kidnapped, trafficked and coerced into doing things they don't want to.

But of course if it's only your own free choice that matters to you, why would you care about any of that.

@Sadiesnakes
In this case I am a woman apologist, it seems if we were to use your terminology.

@IAmFleshIAmBone
Regulated sex industry where women who want to make that as their profession exercise their right to do so is not the reason men see females as objects.
Men get to that sort of thinking all on their own - and that has been true for some men throughout history and cultures.

@Strongmummy

So what. You could be a 42 year old married man in the City. And it would still sound sleazy.

You sound like you were checking the servants are okay with their terms of employment.

It would be better if you had said you liked the service you got. It would be more honest.

Thank you @nacher I kinda knew it was a risk posting here about this but it’s been a fascinating derail

I’m a 42 year old mother of 2 in a well paid City job.

I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck this has to do with anything.

If you were Terri-Anne who works in the sun bed shop and has 6 kids, would it not be acceptable?

Nobody cares about your wanky city job, they care that you see women as commodities. Even though you are a woman yourself. Cheers for perpetuating that.

No @MMmomDD You have never ever put the interests of women first, in any of your posts.

Sadiesnakes I'm not clever enough to work out if you're insulting me or not. What's a Cokeywokey idea?

Regulated sex industry where women who want to make that as their profession exercise their right to do so is not the reason men see females as objects.
Men get to that sort of thinking all on their own - and that has been true for some men throughout history and cultures.

It might not be the reason but it certainly doesn't do women any favours. Women becoming their own oppressors is never going to make men see us any differently.

WokeyCokey. Yes I am insulting you. Actual Feminists don't advocate the sex trade. Full stop.

So sorry @nacher, on my phone and @ added you not @Strongmummy.

Sincerest apologies

I was a bit by that exchange....

Wow @Sugartitss that’s a fascinating story, there must be more to it than just a lift?

sadiesnakes I was a little confused too, I reread the thread several times trying to figure out what was going on 😂

@Sadiesnakes
No, I do not automatically put one gender ahead of other. Not men, not women.
To me lack of bias is important.

As to what real real feminists do or don’t think - who made you the authority.
Woman’s choice is at the core of feminism. So - even if it’s a choice to be a sex worker, or plaster herself on amateur porn sites - It’s not up to other women or men to tell them they don’t have that freedom.
Simple principle, really

I don’t agree. Feminism is about agency, with the same opportunities given to women as to men. That does not yet exist, imo.

Thus “choice” without that kind of agency is not so free or simple as you suggest.

Even in the absence of agency - and things not being as simple - it doesn’t mean that any of us have a right to judge/rule out as unacceptable choices by women that are as free as they can be currently.

There is a huge difference between judging individual woman who buy into the empowerment bullshit of 'sex work', and judging the industry itself, which unquestionably exploits and objectifies women. Doing the latter is kind of a key tenet of feminism.

If only I knew why men have this “need” to go a poxy strip club, especially while in a relationship, then keep quiet about it. Oh wait...because they are sleazy and low.

@DjMomo , if only... well in this scenario the ‘reason’ was a friend’s birthday. Do you mean all men are sleazy and low or just those types?
I’m really confused about men in general based on my experience, that of my friends, what I read here and everything I’ve learned in real life and through the media.

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen one bunch of men calling another bunch of men uptight, controlling or prudish for them not wanting their wives or girlfriends to have a naked dance from a young man who may or may not be exploited.

Funny that.

AngelsSins
Maybe because women don’t attend strip clubs in large numbers on a regular basis with sleaze on their minds? Hmm?

Maybe because women don’t attend strip clubs in large numbers on a regular basis with sleaze on their minds? Hmm?

Indeed, and I highly doubt men would be encouraging each other to be “cool” with it if women did suddenly developed this interest.