Strip club

[outherealone]

My bf went on friends birthday last week . The friend had talked about going to a strip club in the original party invite but then he deleted and cancelled everything and my bf just told me they were a small group (a few guys and one woman) going to dinner.
He was messaging me sporadically through the night with little ‘titbits ’ eg we’ve had dinner , we’re now in such and such pub, this person is being a dick, all that kind of stuff. He never mentioned a strip club and messaged me after on the way home saying the evening had been ‘very entertaining’
We hadn’t seen each other since but are in regular contact (ldr)
Then whilst out last night he’d mentioned the birthday and he said that his friend had had a private lapdance.
I replied ‘oh so you went to a strip club and were messaging me throughout the eve etc but never thought to mention you were there?’ he said ‘well i haven’t seen you since then...’
he only mentioned it in passing and said ‘I didn’t have a dance but I chatted to a couple of the girls to pass the time, as you do’
I’m like, ’oh funny you never mentioned it when we were texting that eve whilst you were out‘
I was also a bit hmmm about him chatting to girls sho were probably pretty much naked and mega hot (I have huge body issues due to disability)
He said he didn’t get a private dance as ‘there’s no point it doesn’t lead to anything even if I wasn’t single‘ ... so I said ‘but you watch porn knowing it doesn’t lead to anything’ and he was ‘yeah I suppose that’s true,’
So now I’m not sure if he’s told me the whole story or if half true? he said two of the guys had a private dance , didn’t mention the woman in the group but if another guy didn’t get a private dance why did my bf have to chat to the strippers?
I’m so bloody rattled that We were messaging and he never mentioned it!
he has form for omitting information to evade/avoid ‘awkward discussions’ but in this case he willingly told me but days later.

I was also mildly pissed off that he’d gone in the first place as his friend is vile and had recently sent me inappropriate messages and my bf never addressed it with him. The friend has form for cheating on other friends with their wives and girlfriends but that’s by the by...
I didn’t want to spoil our evening out so had to park it really...Not sure how im feeling about it now, am I normal to be a bit rattled ?
Thoughts and feelings aside about ethics , I’m not even going there at this point.

What possible difference does having a "well paid" job mean ?

More likely you can afford to pay someone to simulate sexual attraction to you ? A better "class" of sex worker ?

Total deal-breaker for me.

@anyfucker it makes no difference at all. I don’t understand your point. I was Accused of being “one of those sex people” whatever that means and so was explaining a bit about who I am and what I do.

Harvey Weinstein was one of those "sex people" and he is significantly richer than yow...so, your point again ?

If your self esteem is so low to accept this behavior then I suggest counseling

@AnyFucker why am I being compared to Harvey Weinstein? You’re now just being hysterical and rude

Harvey Weinstein and you see women as objects. You support transactional sex. You don't care that the women you pay are probably repulsed by you but are forced to pretend otherwise.

You are not so different.

To be fair AF, I doubt that the sex worker was repulsed by Stronmummy, probably just thought she was batshit, sitting in a lap dancing club instead of watching telly with her feet up.

I see this thread is a dog whistle for all the COOL girls. Slightly derailing but there’s a sadsack in my office who hangs out with the sleazy sales guys and goes to the strip clubs with them. She’ll tell everyone who will listen how she LOVES it and they treat her like one of the LADZ. It’s completely fucking cringe

@anyfucker 1) I am a woman 2) I do not see women as objects 3) I respect those who choose to work in strip clubs 4) I don’t have the patronising attitude that they have no agency and oh 5) I’ve not raped and sexually abused countless women. Don’t be obtuse and offensive

Repulsed or indifferent...the premise is the same. Paying people for sexual services is at best coercive.

@nacher - shortly afterwards she became my lover, so no she wasn’t repulsed

As if paying a stranger to rub their tits in your face in a room full of coked up leering men is sensual.

Pull the other one...

Strongmummy, you're just sounding ridiculous now.

I know you are woman, I didn't say anything different nor does it change my view of you

At best I consider you a handmaiden engaging in the sex industry to please the male gaze. For that, I pity you.

Men paying women for sexual services is bad enough, but women doing it to each other makes my skin crawl.

"Shortly afterwards she became my lover"

@IAmFleshIAmBone agree. It’s sleazy AF. Imagine buying another woman to impress a man. Men must think we are complete idiots

@nacher and @AnyFucker I think you both need to go and speak to some women who work in that industry and stop being so judgemental. I’m sorry that my more open minded view of the world and feminism offends. I also don’t understand why my admission is ridiculous, but there you go

Have to say I prefer dicks on my strippers, especially when they can wrap them around my arm 😋.

I am not judging them, I am judging you.

. I’m sorry that my more open minded view of the world and feminism offends

Lollllll

There is nothing feminist about actively participating in and defending the objectification of other women

As fascinating as some people's sex lives may be, this isn't really helping the OP at all. Apologies OP for the derail.

@Strongmummy

I am not sure why you get attacked, or compared to Harvey either.
I am also not sure why a woman in MN view has only one way of being a feminist, or one way or exercising her freedom to chose.
And of course - there is an implicit assumption that women can’t possibly ever want to be objectified.

In a country where sex industry is regulated - why would MN be the last authority on whether a woman who chooses to work there has a right to want to.
Or the countless women uploading their pics/videos on free websites for objectification...
And finally - why is another woman vilified for enjoying something sensual and beautiful, provided by a professional????
There is less contact in a lap dance than my masseuse has with my body during physio massage.

Obviously trafficking and coercion is wrong. No one is denying that.
But at the same time - a woman can chose to do what she wants with her body. Even if it’s a choice that we’d not make ourselves.