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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP is just a massive selfish prick

74 replies

ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 21:02

I'm actually so pissed off now I wish I could just disappear into the night and never see the selfish dick again.

He is ill and he is. But by god he feels it absolves from from lifting a fucking finger. He couldn't even pour himself a glass of water - the bottle was on the table! He has sworn at me, shouted at me for making a reasonable request (put the toilet lid down!), ignored me, listened to our baby cry his eyes out whilst I fixed him a bottle then had to change him. He just stayed upstairs out of the way until I had finished and started feeding our baby then came downstairs and made himself some toast. Never fucking mind I've not eaten because I've been looking after two fucking babies today. I'm broken. I literally don't want him in the bloody house anymore. He pretty much admitted he doesn't give a shit about our son, who he told me was my son. I'm just so bloody mad I want to scream at him and push him out of the bed I bloody paid for. I actually hate him. He brings nothing but misery to my life. I know it's the age old LTB but quite honestly I can't deal with the fallout from that either. He is a nasty piece of work and he will die a lonely old man and it will be nothing short of what he deserves.

Sorry for the rant. Must vent somewhere or I'll be living my future out courtesy of our Majesty.

OP posts:
goldenorbspider · 29/02/2020 21:03

Rant away op! Is it a bad day or a generally bad run?

tiredanddangerous · 29/02/2020 21:06

Rant away and then make concrete plans to separate. You deserve more.

HollowTalk · 29/02/2020 21:06

If what you say is true, you'd have to be insane to stay with him.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 29/02/2020 21:09

Great rant, he sounds bloody awful. Is it possible that you could make plans to leave.
Just go for the rant, there are plenty of people that will listen and hear you. You'll probably get some advice if you want to look into ending your relationship

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 21:09

Since the birth of our son, he has done absolutely fucking nothing. I had horrendous mastitis and was very poorly yet he just fucked off to bed because he was tired and needed his sleep. Not me who had been in hospital 4 days and my bloody nipples were bleeding whilst running a temperature trying to fathom out how to look after a newborn all by myself. I might as well be a single mum, he has changed one nappy and done two feeds (I stopped breastfeeding due to the mastitis which was heartbreaking) then he moans at me for crying. Oh heaven forbid. I get criticised every day. Yesterday for blowing on my dinner. The day before clinking my cutlery. The day before that not finishing the baby's room quickly enough... Etc etc etc. I'm just so fucking over it, I need to do something before I have a heart attack. My poor baby deserves so much better! He deserves a father and what he has is a pathetic excuse for a human being.

OP posts:
everythingbackbutyou · 29/02/2020 21:10

My stbxh would have done exactly this, especially when ill but in general as well. Used to pretend to be napping on the sofa or in bed while I juggled chaos. Whenever there was an issue with the kids like misbehaving in public, I would be invariably called upon to deal with 'my' child. Vent all you want - it's so much better than stuffing it down inside. I did finally ltb last autumn but I understand about the fallout. I couldn't make my move until the alternative was to take up residential basket weaving.

puds11 · 29/02/2020 21:11

Time to leave. The potential fallout is a crap excuse. Lawyer, plan, escape. You and your son deserve better.

Standinguptononsense · 29/02/2020 21:12

Sounds like my ex husband after the birth of our second. He will only get worse. You need to protect yourself and your children. Xx

everythingbackbutyou · 29/02/2020 21:12

Let yourself be angry, I found that was my key to freedom. 3 dc together over 20 years and his behaviour sank lower with each baby.

everythingbackbutyou · 29/02/2020 21:13

And no need for anyone to scratch their head wondering why I had more kids with him after the first. That's how abuse works.

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 21:14

Thank you for listening. I know I need to leave. I just can't find the strength right now. I almost feel sorry for him. He can't realise how much of an idiot he is for missing out on his amazing baby boy. I look at our baby and my heart melts. DP, however, I don't think has a heart.

OP posts:
everythingbackbutyou · 29/02/2020 21:17

When the time is right for you, you will have the strength you need. This time last year I could only fantasize about leaving my husband but he continued to dig his own grave. Flowers for you.

Figgygal · 29/02/2020 21:18

Leave him
Move on with your life you’ll be happier for that

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 21:22

Don't I know it! I used to worry that his ex wanted him back. To be honest, she had a lucky escape but bloody hell I wish she'd tried harder! Apart from then I wouldn't have my beautiful baby, but you know what I mean. He gets worse every day. The constant criticism is the hardest, then he tells me I have a real issue with the world (I don't!) And that I need to stop pitying myself...it's unattractive! Ha! Like I want to be attractive. I'd rather never have sex again with him after the way he speaks and treats me, but apparently I'm the one with the problem, so be it.

OP posts:
OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 29/02/2020 21:28

Does he HAVE a massive prick? Seems to have nothing else going for him. Make your plans slowly and carefully, and get out when you can. Loads of wise posters on here who can help you with advice Flowers

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 21:29

No massive prick either I'm afraid Angry it really is a bum deal!

OP posts:
damnthatanxiety · 29/02/2020 21:48

Not why you say you haven't the energy to leave. It's more energy sapping to stay.

flossiewossie124 · 29/02/2020 21:49

Why are you still with him?

Mum2one2019 · 29/02/2020 21:55

Sorry you are going through this. My partner offered me no help after the birth of our son, even during labour when I was in agony he kept saying "you wanted a baby".
Even now, I have to bully him into coming to play with him and ask him to put him to bed. It's just so confusing, how could you not want to read to him and snuggle up with him?!
It's the worst isn't when you have a newborn and you are so overwhelmed. I literally wanted to have a shower for 5 minutes in the morning, gave him the baby who had just fed, got in the shower and the baby started crying, he gave me an ear full of how tired he was and why did I give him a crying baby. I just sat on the bed and cried while he went back to sleep!
Do you ever see those posts on fb, about women saying how having a baby is hard and their relationship is never the same again but they love their spouse more because they see how supportive they are and do so much for you and the baby. The same works for unsupportive spouses, the less supportive they are and less they do, the less interest you have in them.
Does that make sense?

CatpissEverdine · 29/02/2020 21:56

I was you 15 years ago. I had 2 more kids with him. Wish I had left years ago but there was a reason to stay, I suppose. It's taught me a lot about life. I really sympathise though. It doesnt sound as if he has many redeeming qualities

Original poster
ThankfullyAlive · 29/02/2020 22:02

@mum2one2019 it makes complete sense. In front of family and friends he portrays himself as father of the year but he gives him to me as soon as he starts crying, doesn't matter what I'm doing. I don't bother asking anymore. The other day I watched him "play" with our son. He laid baby on his play mat and kept pulling down the musical toy whilst he sat on the stool and watched TV. It broke my heart. Not for me but for our son who he can't even be bothered to give his time and attention to for 10 minutes. I cried cooking dinner wishing DS was sat in the kitchen with me happy to see me smile at him. He has the most gorgeous smile.

OP posts:
user1497997754 · 29/02/2020 22:05

Life us far to short to put up with this you and your son deserve better.....start divorce proceedings and get a better life

Toria70 · 29/02/2020 22:19

Time to start lining up your future.

And that means leaving mr misery in your dust, while you're running in the opposite direction.

Life's too short to be this unhappy Flowers

Mum2one2019 · 29/02/2020 22:19

I completely get how you feel. I do so much for our son, every thing I do is for him. You shouldn't have to ask him to do things, he should want to do it. And joint parenting is about sharing the responsibility even when lo is crying.
If he can't do that, he is making your life harder. A relationship is meant to make your life easier and happier.
Does he bring any joy?

Miljea · 29/02/2020 22:20

There's a thing.

We mums are hormonally, chemically 'tied' to our babies. That what keeps them alive. How we respond to their lovely little faces. Meet their 'needs' however 'loudly' expressed....🙄😊

However, sadly, a lot of men just see their baby as a noisy irritation. An annoyance disturbing their comfortable life.

Their commitment to their partner, their genuine actual desire to father a child just isn't strong enough. He humoured her (at best), but doesn't like the all encompassing result.

And it's her fault for wanting it.

Sadly, I don't think you can ever change that man-child attitude.

Our own PM is proof- 'sire' and run.