DP is just a massive selfish prick

[ThankfullyAlive]

I'm actually so pissed off now I wish I could just disappear into the night and never see the selfish dick again.

He is ill and he is. But by god he feels it absolves from from lifting a fucking finger. He couldn't even pour himself a glass of water - the bottle was on the table! He has sworn at me, shouted at me for making a reasonable request (put the toilet lid down!), ignored me, listened to our baby cry his eyes out whilst I fixed him a bottle then had to change him. He just stayed upstairs out of the way until I had finished and started feeding our baby then came downstairs and made himself some toast. Never fucking mind I've not eaten because I've been looking after two fucking babies today. I'm broken. I literally don't want him in the bloody house anymore. He pretty much admitted he doesn't give a shit about our son, who he told me was my son. I'm just so bloody mad I want to scream at him and push him out of the bed I bloody paid for. I actually hate him. He brings nothing but misery to my life. I know it's the age old LTB but quite honestly I can't deal with the fallout from that either. He is a nasty piece of work and he will die a lonely old man and it will be nothing short of what he deserves.

Sorry for the rant. Must vent somewhere or I'll be living my future out courtesy of our Majesty.

Oh love, you must be exhausted, physically and emotionally.

Do you have someone you can confide in? RL emotional support can be a massive help. Find just one person whom you can trust to keep your confidences and talk to them.

You do need to leave, but you know that. If you aren't working, the best thing right now is to start thinking about how you can get back in the workforce. There is enormous power in having your own income.

What's stopping you leaving him? Tell us and we'll help you work it out.

Rant away! And when you are less exhausted hatch a plan to be free of this unpleasant lump.

My partner offered me no help after the birth of our son, even during labour when I was in agony he kept saying "you wanted a baby".

Jesus Christ I've heard some rotten things on here but this takes the biscuit. What a twat.

My partner offered me no help after the birth of our son, even during labour when I was in agony he kept saying "you wanted a baby".

Ah, I missed that!!! I know of a couple where the man didn't want a child but agreed to have one because the wife did. He told her it would be 100% HER and that he wouldn't lift a finger. She thought he'd change after the baby came. He was as good as his word. The marriage didn't last 18 months after their DD was born. She was worn to a frazzle and emotionally broken. She left him and although he 'regretted' losing her, he could have cared less about ever seeing his DD again.

What do you need to do in order to get out OP? I know you’re exhausted now but you’re already doing it alone - he’s just adding to your exhaustion and stress.

Could you find the energy to pack his bags & dump them outside the door? Then you could have some peace to try & get yourself in a routine & not have to waste energy on a waste of space. It won't be all plain sailing on your own but at least you will know what you need to do & won't have any negativity around you dragging you down.

Your life will be easier and better without him.
I left me ex when my son was 6 months old.
Similar reasons but he had a drink problem also.
I'll be honest it was the hardest decision I've ever made but once I'd made it my life got easier.
I wanted him to be someone he couldn't be.
I wanted us to be a happy family and with a baby so small it was hard to give up that fantasy.
I took the least shit option and got out.
Instead of having someone there and hoping they will help, hoping they will do what you think is normal and them letting you down.
You just get on. I knew I had to do it alone and that was less soul destroying than being disapointed all the time.
It's not always been easy but me and my son are happy and doing well.
Son sees ex at weekends while I work and they have a good relationship also.
I think he's a better dad alone than he would have been with me picking up the slack.
Our son is definitely happier than he would have been living with us together.

You sound like a wonderful mother with your maternal instincts perfectly in tact. It is heart breaking to hear of his shallow parenting skills. Your son is lucky to have you, so he will be fine.

I know exactly how you feel, there were days when I actually thought I could have killed the useless bastard.
I became someone I didn't want to be and that's what swung it for me.
My son gets me now, who I actually am, not who i became living with a lazy selfish areshole.
He would criticise me also, told me I didn't actually give birth, no I didn't I was in labour for 56 hours before having an emergency c section. Threw it in my face that I couldn't breastfeed.
He's just inadequate, he probably knows it too.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I honestly don't know what keeps me but I think it is out of some misguided loyalty and guilt. I also hate to admit it but I hope he may "wake up" and change into this loving caring person I thought he was. I know that isn't reality though.

To the pp that asked, I have a relatively decent job. Nothing amazing but it pays the bills and some. Currently I'm on mat leave and it is a good job too. I'm tired even though my son is now sleeping so well.

Also I'm so sorry to hear of others having to live though/have lived through this pattern of behaviour. It's heartbreaking

I was in a similar situation. My ex had no interest in our DC and left everything to me. It broke my heart that he didn't care. He was also abusive but it was his attitude towards our DC that really opened my eyes. I left and I have never regretted it for a second. Life isn't always easy as a single mother and I still have to deal with him to an extent regarding contact etc but life now is a whole lot better than being with him and yours will be too.

OP, the thought of leaving him seems impossible because you’re exhausted. But the longer you stay, the more exhausted you will get.

Also, he is undermining your confidence. Every day you stay with him you will be more ground down.

I hope you’ll break free before he wastes any more of your and baby’s time.

I know you are all right. I'm also scared that if I leave he might want contact days with DS and there would be no reason for me to say no. Atm we come as a pair. I don't think I could deal with the worry of him having DS a whole day when he can't be bothered with him for 10 mins. What happened with others re contact who split when their DC was a baby?

At the baby stage, contact ‘days’ would be unusual. The recommendation is little and often so a couple of hours several times a week.

Ah love you sound broken. You do know deep down you can’t stay with this imbecile for the next 18 years because you’re afraid of contact time, don’t you? This will do far more damage to your ds in the long run. Not to mention wasting your life with a man you despise.

It is great that you’re in a position to be self sufficient without him. As LangSpartacus has pointed out, there won’t be any overnight or long day contact visits at this stage. Whose house do you live in atm? Do you have anyone close by you could call on for help or go and stay with for a while? Is your family supportive? If you were my dd I’d move heaven and earth to help you. I hope you have someone there willing to do the same for you.

He is ruining your enjoyment of your baby. I was fortunate enough to leave my ex before I knew I was pregnant, because it is harder to leave afterwards. He would have been exactly like your husband.

If you don't feel up to leaving him now at least start putting your plans in place. People are right about the longer you stay, the harder it will be.

Are you with my ex OP?!

I could have written that. Vile excuse for humans. Certainly not worthy of the title of man.

Is this your first baby? I think it's harder with your first, when everything is so new and a bit shocking.

Seek comfort and support from friends and family, you don't necessarily have to tell them anything,but just have them to lean on, to get strong and take your mental steps to your decisions whatever they be.

Congratulations on your beautiful boy

This is so sad OP.

My 'd'p did me the favour of running off just before DC was born, as heartbroken as I was at the time at least I knew I was doing it alone.

I have never felt guilty that my DC only has one parent now.

Living with one happy loving parent is better than living with both, when one
has checked out emotionally.

Why do people have children outside marriage?

Seriously, a man not being arsed to even put his money where his cock is, is kind of a big clue.

This TRUTH might not be politically correct. It is however, correct.

I need to get prepared for the future. I know I will get there. My family will help. My parents are aware now of what is going on. Mum has said I can move back home with the baby but I feel that I need to stay for now. Again I can't really explain why, but I think I worked so hard for this house that I don't want to give it up yet, or be chased out as it is probably what he wants.

@screamingladysutch in your statement I'm assuming you think the man earns more? In my situation I'm the breadwinner, I have more savings, better job, pensions. I don't want to put my money "where his cock is"
For me I'm not religious either and marriage just doesn't mean much to me. Sure I'd love a gorgeous vintage engagement ring, and one day I'll buy such a ring for myself.

Ha. This man sounds like my Exh
Especially the bit about ‘well you wanted kids’ and ‘ it’s your baby’

And we were married
Men can be useless man-children even if they’re married

Don't be like my cousin. She moaned and ranted about her lazy disrespectful husband for years. Said same as you, that he'd die a lonely old man. Except in the end he left her, just when their DCs were leaving primary school. He was remarried within 2 years of leaving.

You can't predict the future. But you can look at life options and not imply that staying with your Husband is your only option. & if your relationship is bad, be aware that he may not see staying with you as his only option.

*living with a woman within 2 years of leaving - not remarried.

Although he did remarry eventually