I'm finally leaving but he doesn't know yet

[sillycat72]

Well I have taken my wedding rings off but he hasn't noticed.
It's been an awful 6 months, his teenage dds decided they wanted me out and have been so spiteful and rude. It's become toxic here and he has just been so awful. He doesn't know himself what I have done but I guess he feels as they are his dcs he should side with them. I get that but from my POV it's horrible as me and my teenagers have been pushed out. They won't go anywhere if I'm there, they won't even go on holiday if I'm there. How can I expect him to go on holiday without his kids!
I did leave and he begged me back said he needed me and saw the error of his ways and needed me etc. But it didn't last long, his younger dd14 said she wasn't coming back to the house and his older dd15 just didn't want to be here, which made him upset. Me and my dcs 16 and 13 don't understand were it's all come from. What have I done, I think maybe I tried too hard and they somehow think I was trying to replace their mum or something . But for me it's felt very isolating and I've never cried so much, I didn't want my marriage to end I still don't but they just hate me and dh won't stand up for me because he doesn't want to loose his children. So I've managed to find a house for me and my 2 I just feel I have to get out of here! I'm scared though but it's awful here. I hope we will be ok I'm very tearful tonight

I remember a previous thread of yours, those girls sound delightful. Im sorry you feel like you have no choice other than this, but you cant live your life like that either x

Firstly, well done for finding a way out of an awful situation.
I understand you appreciating your dp siding with his children, but from what you’ve explained, this isn’t a matter of taking sides. Your dp ought to be sitting down with his daughters and sorting this out. At the very least, for their benefit, for his and for you. If he just buries his head, he’s being a crap role model and parent. Kids at that age can often be opinionated. But it’s the parents role to support the children’s development, not just let poor behaviour happen.

I think very soon you’ll be incredibly glad you’ve escaped. Your children deserve far better too.
It’s ridiculous that you’ve not been told any reasons. They obviously don’t want you to have an opportunity to address anything.
Be thankful you’ve got an escape plan. Be thankful their toxicity is no longer your concern. Be thankful you and your children are about to be free. Show your children what they are worth.

Well done.
Maybe you can explore ways of maintaining a relationship in separate houses until his DD’s have left home.
Maybe not

I know I've so wanted him to stand by me and talk with them about the issues or what's going on but they won't open up and he is prepared to do everything separately meaning I get left out of family events, or his neice had a baby he went with his mum and dd to see her. I guess normally that wouldn't be a problem but it's everything I'm just pushed out. The only thing I have got out of them is they are jealous of me being with their dad they want him to themselves. I was prepared to compromise of course I don't mind them seeing their dad alone I get it, but to be excluded from absolutely everything is just really effecting me. I think he thinks I'm over sensitive but well that's how I feel and I want a better life for myself and kids plus they are feeling awkward . Everyone seems to hate their mum

Well done for taking the step op. Your life will be so much better.
He sounds like a crap df.
Imagine them as adults.
Grim.

You poor thing, what a rubbish situation. Full credit to you though for the model you are to your children. You’ve shown them that you have their backs and that no-one should put up with being treated like that. They will always be grateful that you took them out of such a toxic environment.

I’ve just read your previous threads. What a set of little cow bags. But I wouldn’t be leaving I’d be asking him to leave, his kids love there50% of the time and are older- your kids are with you 100% of the time and need stability. You have put your step daughters above the needs of your own children and seemingly for nothing, why isn’t your dh thinking of your two kids? Is he happy to have them moved from pillar to post at the way so of his own daughters. He doesn’t need a family home for shared custody, you however need a family home for your children as you are the main cater.

You seem so sad in your posts it’s heartbreaking but I can’t help but think that if you stood up for yourself then the girls wouldn’t see you as much an easy target. For instance with the video, I’d of demanded it taking down and an apology given to me and possibly even confiscation of phone for a day or two. Some people may not agree but posting something’s online at someone else’s expense is cruel and bully behaviour. I’m pretty sure if even a picture was uploaded of your sd with the wrong angle or the wrong filter then it would be world war 3!

You sound like youve gone past the point of salvaging the relationship now, your dh should have been making major movements to heal this relationship and re introduce his wife and daughters on a more mature level and work hard to ensure that the home life goes smoothly. Of course people have hiccups and arguments and disagreements but your dh has done nothing to help at all apart from hear their reasons of why they dislike you and not give you an insight as to why.

Have you sought any legal advice? Don’t leave empty handed your are entitled to 50% and once the little princesses realise that their family home will be sold and they will have to end up sharing a bedroom in a not so nice area the penny might finally drop. your dh will likely meet someone else - do your sd plan on doing this to every partner? Do they not want their father to be happy?

Let him go and go on to live a happy life with your kids, you don’t deserve the shit you’re getting them from. Is of lost my temper but I understand that By doing so you’ll give them the silver bullet theyve been looking for.

@Heartburn888 you are right but I hate this house and also he won't leave, he just taunts me, plus he can and will just let himself in all the time. We have cameras so he can watch my every move. I just want a fresh start somewhere new, I can afford it but yes the house needs to be sold. That's my next challenge. I want to be away from them all and find myself again.

He sounds abusive. A fresh start sounds good!

Are the girls over this weekend? Can you make yourself scares with your kids if so?

Go and treat them to something nice, a nice day out with mum who is finally starting to become her happy self again. You’re doing the right thing and if he comes begging back - don’t even given him the satisfaction of an explanation as to why you won’t come back - give him a taste of his own silent treatment!

I'm actually reaching out to friends and that is helping me a lot. I am a lot stronger than 6 months ago. It was all such a shock to think my marriage was ending I thought that was it for me but things have got so bad I just have to go. He said he still cares about me when I said but I need more than that he just said don't we all! I just get nothing and feel pushed out. It's my 2nd marriage though it looks really bad doesn't it

Really wondering what is wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Teenagers, girls especially can be little shits when they want to be. They would be like this with anyone. He is a dick.
You are incredibly brave and strong for putting your children and yourself first and getting out of this toxic situation.
Be proud of yourself and stop blaming yourself.
You don't deserve that. Be kind to yourself! X

When are you planning on telling him op?

Honestly, well done you for finding a solution to this messy situation. Finding a place for you and your children is an excellent move, as it ensures you're all safe and in an environment where none of you are walking on egg shells.

Your husband sounds like an idiot for letting things get this out of hand. You have been very strong to handle everything. Making you feel left out is so hurtful. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong - if the situation was reversed and your kids were being like that - would you sit back and do nothing? In fact, doing nothing is only encouraging their behaviour.

Maybe things can be worked out between you but I personally think that his actions in this situation have broken your heart because why would you want to be with someone who treats you this way and doesn't support you. Sometimes when nothing obvious is wrong then it's harder to end things.

Step one - move out and go from there. I think you will be surprised at how much happier and relaxed you feel. Your husbands daughters won't be able to have their power games, they'll have their mouths shut finding out that you've gone and they're not welcome there. Then your husband will have to deal with the fact that they drove you away and now he's left alone with his daughters which could have all been avoided if he took some initiative and tried to resolve things.

Good luck to you, you can do it! 🍀

OP the freedom of this appalling lack of support from someone who claims to love you.. will be immense.. you get yourself and your kids out of there and find yourself 🌺

Oh it will be so good to be away from someone who 'taunts' you. He sounds vile!

I'd pack and go while he's out for the day, then tell him. Otherwise he'll be right there taunting you and may get even more nasty.

My advice is to put rings back on and say nothing. If he's noticed but not said anything it might be a bad sign. You need to leave without drama.

I know I'm doing the right thing but I still feel anxious and scared for the future. I guess that's normal.
I'm not going to tell him at least before I pass all the referencing. I'll tell him before move date as we have to pack.
I can't believe myself he let it get like this but he did

I wouldn’t tell him until you’ve moved as much out as possible.

I wouldn't tell him anything at all. I'd pack as much as possible without him noticing and keep it with friends. Then on the day I'd wait for him to leave the house and pack the rest of the stuff, go and then call him and tell him you're done.

Removals men can clear a house in a few hours once he's out. Are you taking furniture? You'll need beds for the kids, and all their stuff. Don't tell him till you've moved it all.

Put all your energy in to your new home & your daughters, leave him & his kids to it, make the best life you can for your little family. Get your ducks in a row, make sure you have copies of his pay slips & bank statements for any accounts he has, get all birth & marriage certificates, passports, driving licence etc, try to gather as much cash as you can, get cashback when you go shopping as that way it doesn't show on bank statements, make sure you have a bank account in your sole name & keep an eye on any joint account to make sure he doesn't empty it, if you can find any details of pensions he has that would also be useful. You say he has cameras all round the home,that is a sign of abuse & can be used against him in the divorce, I would dump something in front of them whilst I was hunting for pay slips etc. If you have anything precious to you I would try & remove it from the house before he knows you are finally leaving, could you ask a trusted friend or relative to look after things for you? Get the best solicitor you can, ask any friends who have divorced for recommendations.

Could you recruit some helpers for when you move out? I wouldn't tell him as he may try to stop you, get as much out as you can before & then take everything else when he is out at work, turn the cameras off if you can or block the lenses with a cloth or something.

Thank you that's really helpful