Might be partners child?

[Ginanddisco]

DP and I have been together around 3 years. We have a one year old son together.
Shortly after our son was born I discovered pictures of my partner on an old device with a young child. I asked about them and found out this..
A few years before we met he was having casual unprotected sex with a woman, said woman ended up pregnant. He knew that he wasn't the only person she was sleeping with at the time so wasn't convinced the child was definitely his, but she was adamant. Any time he questioned it she and her family began making threats towards his etc (his family knew nothing about it). So child was born and he had a small amount of involvement to keep peace (her family threatening violence towards his) until he could find out if he was father or not. She refused a DNA test. He reckons she claimed he was the father for money, as he knows other people she was sleeping with were unemployed.

This is his version of events and as much as I know. He eventually stopped seeing them and stopped giving her money, I'm not exactly sure how it came to an end. The pictures weren't a lot, but a mix of baby till about three.

He seems happy to just forget it and leave it in the past, however this doesn't sit right with me. Purely from the perspective of our son. He is utterly convinced that the child isn't his, but he has no black and white evidence. The child is only a few years older than my son and it terrifies me to think that it will affect him at some point in his life, if my DP had pictures on an old device then I imagine the chances of the child's mother having the same pictures are high. I also think the chances of none of it ever coming up again are slim.
I can only imagine how devastated I would have been as a teen if something like that surfaced about my family (given they live in the next town so it's not impossible they end up at the same school).
How can I protect my son any hypothetical situations without giving him unnecessary information about his father from before I met him, let alone before he was born?

I don't know if I've quite conveyed my worries regarding it very well. But does anyone have any advice?

What are you doing?

He hid this from you for your whole relationship. I would be gone for this, and so would anybody of sound mind.

On top of this, his story is bullshit.

Even if his story isn't bullshit, how could you be attracted to a man who could walk away from a child who might be his after 3 years?

Your only concern is your son, not the other child here growing up without a father. Your dp has no integrity, he should be insisting as much as he can on a DNA test not just walking away.

His story might not be bullshit. My nephew was told he was the father of this girl's child. She cheated on him and was sleeping with other guys at the same time. Constantly said he was the dad and then if any arguments occurred, she would scream at him he wasn't the dad. It really messed with his head. To cut a long story short, after my nephew bought things for the baby, turned out it was never his through dna test. Through a year and a half, my nephew had his life ripped apart and having to see his ex with a new man whilst she was pregnant (when they split) was a lot for him. Now thankfully he has a son of his own who we would never need a dna test for. Absolute double. Just a warning story it does happen.

@conduitoffortune
I'm not desputing any of this and our relationship is a separate factor which I am working on in my own time. If I could have just upped and left I would have but unfortunately it's not as simple as that, hense why I haven't put anything in regards to relationship in post.
However the subject matter I'm seeking advice on is how I can protect my son.

Well he should have had a DNA test enforced then like any reasonable person would. Not just suddenly decide after 3 years the kid couldn't possibly be his and walk away.

Oh, and been transparent with OP. The mother of his child.

His story doesn't even make sense.

1. He was made to see a child that he thought wasn't his under duress due to threats of violence otherwise from this woman and her family? Really? But was then easily able to walk away despite aforementioned threats of violence underpinning his contact in the first place.

1. She decided he was dad because he had money, and all these other men she was having sex with (really?) didn't. But he doesn't pay anyway and she hasn't gone to the CMS even though this was her driving reason for naming him as dad.

How would he have gone about getting a DNA if the mother point blank refused?

@Opaljewel
I've known situations almost identical to your nephew. It's tragic and it shouldn't, but unfortunately it does happen.

He would be able to go to court and they would order a dna test from what I've seen happen

Threats were made towards his family on the ground of him essentially abandoning her while pregnant. As far as I know he gave her money towards the child up to the child was about three. During this time he was pushing for a DNA test. I don't know what happened at the three year (roughly) mark which made it come to an end. To the extent of my knowledge she is now claiming he is not the biological father.

I have made clear on the OP that what I have written is his versions of events and all that I know. So therefore there is no point nitpicking his story as I cannot confirm nor deny anything.
I am simply looking for advice in regards to my son (as I have stated).

I wasn't disputing anything else other than the child might not be his story could be true. Like I say unfortunately it's from family experience. It wasn't an easy time.

@Ginanddisco That's awful. Should never play with a child's life like that. People shouldn't play games.

Ok well tell your DP to take the matter to court for a DNA test. These children might be half siblings, who would otherwise be denied a significant part of their identity

@assaggyastwohotbollocks
Thank you, helpful to know. I wasn't sure what the legalities are. If that is the case it would possibly be a good idea meaning there IS black and white evidence if it was to ever be opened up again in the future with DS brought into it.

I was born Feb 94 and my sister was born October 94. Our “father” (I use that term very fucking loosely) was sleeping with both our mothers and well you can imagine the rest. He denied me, still does (sometimes) even though there was a DNA test. Although my incredibly strong mother decided enough was enough and didn’t want him to see me as he had acted like a complete pig towards me and her. I found out about my sister and then 2 brother from yet another woman when I was 13. I thought my world had ended. Also made me think of all the things I had thought I missed out on. Turns out he abandoned my sister too. So the only good thing about me finding out is the relationship I have with my sister. Hope this helps x

How can you think you have a child and have at least some involvement in their life for 3 years and then just leave and not see them ever again even without being 100% sure the child wasn't his, ie. with a DNA test.
Even then it would be an important story to tell future partners, but the fact that he doesn't even know and still hasn't told you before you brought another child is unforgivable tbh.

I found out I had an older half sister around 10 years ago through social media! and social media then was nothing like it is now.
Of course it will come up again!

I'd be concerned that he could abandon my son as well but I'm sure that has already crossed your mind. I'd suggest that he seeks a DNA test then you'll know either way.

@user1481840227
I'm really not sure but I don't think he saw the child many times over the three years so it's not like he was the child's dad till they were three then just disappeared, I don't think the child ever knew him as "dad". It seems the mother was more interested in money than she was letting him see the child. But I don't really know I can only give you the tiny snippets of information I do know. I wish I had the answer but I don't. I too think it's unforgivable but as I said in another comment, it hasn't been as simple to just up and leave.
Social media is a big part that worries me, I'd hate to my son to find out anything that way, but I'd also hate to tell him something that he doesn't need to know because I think that could possibly be damaging too

@WelcometoCranford
Of course it has, naturally

You can get a DNA test through Court. Your DH doesn't seem to be too bothered, as you say he sees it as his past. I think your son having a father with poor morals is a bigger problem than any potential relationship with a sibling.

Even if he didn't see him that much then surely he had some kind of feelings and loving emotions towards this child who was potentially his son? Even if the son didn't see him as dad!

Literally makes no sense at all that he'd go along with something like that because of threats to his family. I assume they were normal people (a bit rough perhaps) and not mafia or some drug gang leaders, their threats surely would never have come to fruition.
Does the money part even add up? How much did he claim to be giving her? Surely it must have been a lot for her to go to all that effort of extorting money from him?

As PP have said he has it in him to walk away from one he could do it to this one too.

I think you have to tell your son so he grows up knowing he has a sibling that he might get to see one day when they are old enough to decide whether to meet. This (whatever version is appropriate) is much better than a teenager finding out and developing trust issues.

I would also get saving for therapy in case having a lying father turns out to have a bigger impact than anticipated too as who knows what this man is going to get up to.

I grew up knowing that my dad had fathered other children (even though he always told me I was his only child). He was married to my mum, had countless affairs and then my mum divorced him. My dad was never there for me though, so different set of circumstances for you, but from my perspective, I always found it fascinating that there were "others" out there. I'm 38 now and I recently found a half sister without my dads knowledge. There are two more potential siblings out there. But I don't know how to contact them.

Kids are resilient though.

@user1481840227
You're asking questions I've already made clear I am unable to answer as I can't speak for someone else.

Both regarding not going through with threats and that it would be a lot for her to go to the effort for money.. I think you sound quite naive. No longer even talking about my partners situation. You don't need to be "mafia" or "drug gang leaders" to be a nasty bastard. And regarding money, I'm not sure if you've read @Opaljewel comment but it's hardly unheard of for women to claim that someone is the father of a child they're not for some sort of financial gain.

If she only wanted him for his money then why hasn't she put in a child maintenance claim? His story makes no sense at all, he's lying.

@Friendsofmine
I think you have to tell your son so he grows up knowing he has a sibling that he might get to see one day when they are old enough to decide whether to meet

I'm just on the fence about giving him information that may not be true. If I knew for a fact it was his child then I would agree with that 100%. But if it's not then it could be an unnecessary burden for my son to carry in his mind if that makes any sense?

She may not have put a CMS claim in precisely BECAUSE she knows he’s not the father.

CMS will insist on DNA tests if the person being claimed against denies paternity and if she refused (as she’s done previously, it appears) they’d close the claim.

Much better for her, if she’s in doubt about paternity, to just bully / threaten the OP’s partner into paying up.