Now it's time to get naked - and I'm wobbly :( please help!

[CakesRus3]

I'm 42 years old, a size 16 and I have a wobbly belly and my boobs are not too great (my bum either). I have 3 dd's (all teens) so I have stretch marks, which don't necessarily bother me, well maybe a little. I'm not your regular curvy lady (the ones you see in adverts, they look gorgeous), I'm flabby and stretched.
Anyway, I'm ok dressed. I actually have an ok head. I have been single forever. Dated lots but never found a connection along the way. Now, I have met someone who appears keen. I am too. He very much fancies me (so it appears anyway). We have dated lots, and now we are staying in a hotel Sat as we feel that it would be nice to spend the night together.
However, I am so nervous. I enjoy his company and feel relaxed with him. I just have such a big fear of him seeing me naked (or semi naked), that it makes me feel sad. I also question even wanting to be with anyone. It's obvious he can see that I'm not a skinny Minnie. I look ok in clothes.
I'm so scared. I want to be confident. I just feel so anxious about it. I'm never going to overcome this. He might think 'Ewww!'

Gosh I had this too. Met a man OLD, very first date since my divorce and in 20 years. I was 40 and utterly terrified of doing the deed. So I got a little tipsy and went for it. The sex got better and better with time and we got married 3 weeks ago. He didn't give a shit about my cellulite or large wobbly arse, he won't be looking I promise you!

I have been "critically appraised" in terms of my appearance by a man only twice that i can remember - both times by men i wouldn't have touched with a barge pole. On Tinder yesterday a guy i'd exchanged two messages with started asking whether my hair was like my first or second photo at the moment (it changes a lot) and my red flags started waving all over the place. I unmatched him because i really have no interest in a man who puts a woman's appearance above everything else. I could just tell that if we met he'd be making up his little pro-con list rather than actually wanting to get to know me. So yeah this guy really likes you, he sounds decent. Don't worry.

I’m a similar age and size to you. I remember saying to my boyfriend as we were heading towards getting naked “But what about my wobbly bits?”, his reply was”I’ve got wobbly bits too, get ‘em off!” That was it, barrier broken! I’m still not a fan of my wobbly bits but it appears that he likes them. Go for it, he’s been imagining those wobbly bits for a while and is looking forward to seeing them!

Following on from myvprevious post, personally, I would avoid nighties, suspenders (I’m a stocking wearer myself, but not for the bedroom!) and the like. It creates a barrier and in a way illuminates any insecurities.

He’s going to see you naked at some point. You will be in an hotel after all. Just go for it and have a lovely time.

I read something once that finally explained why my DP is still excited about my post kiddy body.....mem find the intimacy of being naked a turn on. The fact that you have allowed them to be with you naked a turn on. And they look at the bits they like...they don't assess every part of you, comparing to the 'perfect' norm. Oh and they really like fannies, post baby fannies are still TERRIBLY exciting!!!!

Listen to some Lizzo tracks for inspiration, she owns her body and you should too. Maybe explain your fears to your new partner, no detail just it's been a while and you feel nervous. Hopefully he'll help in any way he can. Keep the lights low/off and drink some wine so you loosen up. Enjoy!

Whatever underwear I choose it's going to come off, yikess!

Be excited about this! The likely hood is, they won't be coming off in a slow, teasing way because let's be honest, who can be arsed to wait once you're that far in. It'll be more 'whip it off' and he won't be stopping to take in and analyse every inch of your form. In the throws of passion, neither of you will notice anything!
Get yourself some nice undoes for YOUR confidence and enjoy yourself!

I tell myself that if they are the kind of person who’s opinion of me can change based on my appearance at some point then they aren’t the kind of person I would want to be with.

I agree with the nice underwear (for you to feel confident) , also maybe just to
Make you feel confident take a little dressing gown type thing to walk to the loo or for in the morning.

@RuffleCrow. The hair colour thing might just be making conversation, like I would ask a man who had beard and none beard pics

If he likes you with clothes on, he's going to love you with them off! I bet he's a nervous as you are - it's your first role being intimate together but once you get over the first few minutes, it'll be perfect I'm sure. Go and enjoy yourself and stop over analysing.

Ooh just have fun OP

I am almost sure he will not care one iota about some wobbly bits. My DP likes mine. I like his. Thats what happens when you like someone

Few glasses of wine and away you go

Male perspective, if I may.

He'll probably be experiencing he same nerves you are. But you both want the same thing, so you will be fine. I wouldn't worry about the dressing up in expensive new stuff, it'll all end up on the floor. Have a great time.

I remember talking to my new fella after we'd DTD and told him I was conscious of my stretch marks.

Obviously he'd already seen me naked! His response: "you have stretch marks? I didn't notice them"

So your man isn't going to be looking at them, he's going to be looking at YOU!

Have you thought about communicating your fears to him?

Tell him. Give him your fears and expectations with a bit of time for him to process in advance. If he hears this and still doesn't get it then you've just saved yourself a load of time and heartache, win.

Babydolls are great for this. You can keep it on while still being mostly naked and they look sexy!

If you are enjoying yourself then your attitude will be the biggest turn on, not the firmness of your stomach or lack thereof!

He has the added pressure of wondering if his little man will rise to the occasion and whether he will last long enough

I'm 39, and a size 12 with wobbly saggy stomach due to pregnancy and gaining and losing weight, and cellulite on my by bum and thighs, and I was like you when I started seeing my bf. I was terrified of him seeing me naked, but I talked to him about it, and he doesn't care, and in fact he said I should never be ashamed of my body. Any decent man would say the same thing.

For heavens sake don't tell him you've bought new pants (see other thread)

Bloody hell OP, I am 67, size 16, and still very much fancied, even in my oldest pants. Enjoy yourself.

I also love that you said 'I have an ok head'...that is brilliant. Just remember that, ignore most of what you're telling yourself in that head, and go and have fun!

Just have wine and go for it, I thought I would be super nervous (I'm the same size as you) but when it came to it we were like teenagers, didn't even get upstairs! If it's right all your nerves will disappear because good men love you for who you are! Remember to have fun, you deserve it - and it's definitely better in your 40's

You sound like me OP. About the same age, same size etc. And I was so so worried too. And it was all fine! More fine than I could have imagined.

And if I look objectively at his bod, it's just a normal man body, no rippling 6 pack etc, but I look at it and I'm all phwooooarrrrr, and he seems to think the same of me.

Oh, and I wasn't even wearing my nicest underwear the first time as I was planning on waiting longer as it had been a long while. But umm, I didn't want to wait any longer. And he didn't take a bit of notice of my undergarments.

Awwww thankyou all so much. These posts have made me smile, some even laugh out loud. How lovely to come home from work to read. I need you all there with me tomorrow night haha!
Taken every single comment on board with appreciation.
I have told him I'm a little nervous. He is too but so excited.
I have just tanned, given myself a bit of a glow haha.
Yikesss!
It's also the morning bit I'm scared about, lighter, no influence of wine. I feel nervous just typing. I just really hope I'm relaxed. Your messages have helped :)