Devastated by conviction for child sex abuse images - need a handhold. Trigger Warning *title edited by MNHQ*

[thisstorywtf]

NC for this. My PhD supervisor, mentor and friend. WTF? Am reeling.

www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/former-cov-uni-professor-more-17792626

Punishment would have meant he possibly went to jail for a while, when he got out he would be free to abuse children again. I don't believe in capital punishment. I do think he did the world a favour.

A really helpful book on this subject, if you can get hold of it, is Circles of Harm - surviving paedophilia and network abuse by Kate Cairns. It describes this exact phenomenon of the ripples of these crimes spreading outwards and affecting many others. It is out of print but there may be second hand copies available.

Obviously the judge had to adhere to sentencing guidelines but he didn't have to speak so sympathetically and glowingly about the paedophile.

Senior Social Worker who was also a Practice Teacher and Mentor, who played the role of Santa for many years at SW Family Centres, charged with historical sexual abuse/physical abuse dating back to when he worked in a residential unit for children run by a big charity.

The shock was huge and this was amongst people in a profession trained to spot red flags. The fallout made some people question their whole professional identity and competence. A group of Family Centre Workers were vocal in expressing their belief that the young people who came forward were making it up, women who you thought shared the same ethos as yourself and who worked in a resource you had referred countless vulnerable children to. This turned colleague against colleague and friends against friends.

I understand your distress OP and you will question your judgement for a long time but remember that the MO of abusers is to operate in plain sight, to gain trust and blend in. They adopt the characteristics of the role they chose to give them most access to children Priest, Teacher, Football Coach, Social Worker.

Obviously the judge had to adhere to sentencing guidelines

The report says there were some category A images. Under the guidelines, possession of category A images carries a minimum of 6 months in jail. If he intended to distribute or share the images the minimum sentence is 2 years regardless of whether or not he actually did so. Unless there was a suspended sentence that the report hasn't mentioned, I can only assume the fact that the overwhelming majority of the images were category C has led the judge to conclude that the category A and B images were unrepresentative of his conduct. A category C image is indecent but not involving sexual activity.

What happens is they start off with “regular” porn, it becomes an addiction, but over time it ceases to satisfy them, they then move on to more hardcore porn, same thing happens again. Eventually, through the sites they are visiting, they see child abuse and that’s how it starts.

Where do you get this information from, Meruem? From the monsters themselves? How can you believe a word they say? Of course they would rather blame pornography rather than accept responsibility for their own cruelty and depravity. Do you have any objective/empirical studies to back this up?

I wish they would all do what the teacher upthread did.

Another man being treated with lenience. I despair 😩

OP, much sympathy. Must be unbelievable. Look after yourself

Hi OP, it's understandable that you could never have imagined this. Perpetrators are so often people no-one would ever have expected it of.

Take good care of yourself and seek all the support you need. xxxxx

I must say that on the days where I’ve had ‘too much time on my hands’ I haven’t ‘fallen’ into looking at utterly repellent pictures of little children being sexually abused because doing so would make me throw up. You don’t ‘fall’ into downloading and viewing hundreds of images. That’s a choice. What the actual FUCK is the judge on about?

Very sorry OP - what a horrible shock for you.

Thank you all. I have good, supportive friends and family around me luckily. Also the comment earlier re being outed - I don't hide what happened to me because talking about it could help others who may feel alone. xxx

Another man being treated with lenience. I despair

Not particularly lenient given the sentencing guidelines. See www.expressandstar.com/news/crime/2019/10/15/suspended-sentence-for-dudley-woman-caught-with-2000-indecent-images/ for an example of a woman who had over twice as many images as this person and didn't go to prison. Another example can be seen at www.southendstandard.co.uk/news/18196466.rayleigh-paedo-downloaded-1-1k-child-abuse-images/

If the offender had the images purely for personal use and they do not include penetrative sexual activity, sexual activity with an animal or sadism (or such images are a sufficiently small proportion of the total as to be regarded as unrepresentative of the offender's behaviour) the offender is unlikely to go to prison for a first offence regardless of whether they are male or female.

Similar situation op, a colleague and friend of mine was found to be (and convicted of) having having sexual relationships with a number of students at my school, one as young as 12.

I felt devastated not to have realised and protected those young girls, particularly as a survivor myself, it still makes me feel sick thinking about it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

PinkyU Yes it is shocking isn't it.

@Wereallsquare

Here's one website with a very good introduction:
www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-the-behaviour-of-another-adult/online-behaviour/

From the introduction:
"Huge numbers of people access legal pornography sites and for many this is a gateway into more extreme, or maybe younger images, as they become bored by or desensitised to what they are viewing"

There's plenty more out there to back up what I'm saying.

I understand how people feel. While we tell ourselves that it's just monsters who would do this, we can feel safe that our sons, brothers, partners etc would never do such a thing. But the truth is most perpetrators are someones partner/friend/relative.

Sorry op. Things like this have such a huge fall out. Especially when the person has a position like this where they work with lots of people. I'm extra sorry it is bringing back memories of your own abuse. Please be kind to yourself today and next few weeks.

Sorry op.

You have every right to feel a whole range of emotions, because this goes right to the heart of our identity. How do I trust others, how do I trust myself, how can I trust anything, how can I protect myself, protect others, now/future.

I was a senior HR manager that unfortunately had to deal with several cases of employees accessing legal but indecent images at work, and a couple of cases of criminal activity outside of work ultimately resulting in custodial sentencing (and therefore dismissal). I was fortunate to be supported by the police and/or our own security team in dealing with the images. The hardest part by far was supporting the managers in dealing with their feelings about the employee. Most were just in disbelief, some in absolute shock. Later, this became a feeling of loss, like a betrayal or bereavement.

I echo what pp have said. Be gentle with yourself, and recognise this will take some time to process.

I must say that on the days where I’ve had ‘too much time on my hands’ I haven’t ‘fallen’ into looking at utterly repellent pictures of little children being sexually abused

Me neither. Its so weird how understanding the judge was.

FFS what is wrong with this country that he gets a small fine and some community service? It's disgraceful.
. Sorry OP this must be horrible for you.