Devastated by conviction for child sex abuse images - need a handhold. Trigger Warning *title edited by MNHQ*

[thisstorywtf]

NC for this. My PhD supervisor, mentor and friend. WTF? Am reeling.

www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/former-cov-uni-professor-more-17792626

What a shock that must have been for you, child, horrific and disillusioning. It is often that way for those who were close to someone like him, he would have kept it well hidden. What a reck of a man he is now compared with what he was and could have been.

Honestly, who can anyone trust nowadays.

Hope you feel better later today, it will take a while for you to get your head round.

So sorry OP. I'm offering you my two hands to hold, because, well, having your trust manipulated like that is horrific, especially when you have been close to the person and have a history of abuse yourself.

And my feet are stomping on the words of the judge who implies that it was a dalliance due to having too much time on his hands!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this OP. At the same time I'm sorry for his victims..who the judge doesn't even bother to mention.

Selfsettling3 Thu 27-Feb-20 05:28:34
You know there is no such thing as ‘child porn’, this phrase normalises videos of children of being sexually abused.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 27-Feb-20 05:27:29
I forgot to say. It is no longer called child porn as this suggests child consent / collaboration. Child sex abuse images.
.....
Thanks for that information both of you, I didn't realise there was anything wrong with saying, 'child porn' until the last couple of days when I read something else on here and understand why; I could always see it was child abuse but thought it was just a term for describing a particular type of abuse.

These cases are so frightening, really.

wrinkledimplelover - my feet are stomping on the words of the judge who implies that it was a dalliance due to having too much time on his hands!
.....
I too wondered about that, it appears he only did it after retiring or at least only after that were things found on his computer. For all we know he could have been doing it long before with a different, long dead, computer. However no point speculating about that because we don't know.

So many people lead double lives, appearing perfectly average/normal most of the time and he was one.

It's so sobering. I'm sorry for the poor children, the op of course and others on this thread alone who are triggered by this news report.

Thank you all - am all over the place at the moment so am not being rational. I will be in the coming days, but today - you know? Mumsnet can be tricky, particularly AIBU, but I watched the thread that Gojettergirl posted and that was an awesome level of support - the real value that Mumsnet can be. So I appreciate all your comments - we are women living in a world that puts us last - our emotions, our daily struggles to survive, and today you will, and already have, helped.

OP you must be absolutely devastated. I’m so sorry

Sorry op. It's awful when someone you thought you knew isn't the person they appeared to be.
We had a similar experience when dh's work colleague was done for child sex offenceses about a month after he had been holding our newborn. Gives me shivers thinking about it now still.

OP, given your history, I don’t think reading the article for some time will help you. The comments from the men in this case (lawyer, character reference and judge) are fucking ridiculous. I’m angry and I have no history of abuse or with him.

Take care of yourself OP

How awful for the victims, I hope they are able to trace them, and what a shockingly poor sentence!

Oh op I’ve been in a similar situation, an old colleague except it was worse (not that there is really a scale on these things) because we worked with young people and he had taken advantage of that and went to prison.

It really made me doubt myself for a while. How had I not realised something was wrong, how had I thought he was a “nice@ bloke? It took a while to come to terms with the fact he had fleeced everyone and I wasn’t in any way responsible for not having caught him out.

I do feel for you, take time to process it and given your history I don’t know if some counselling might help you work through it all. 💐

I'm sure I read somewhere that this is a standard sort of sentence for downloading child abuse because it's so common. Increasingly I find myself asking WTF is wrong with men.

The whole thing is disgraceful.

Do you know what decent men do after retirement? They maybe take up gardening or join The Ramblers. Only men who are despicable at heart would do this. Time to let go of who you thought he was, OP, as we've had to let go of the professional image of so many bad men in the public eye.

£340 and a few hours of community service? Why so lenient?
Is it because it was all since he retired? Supposedly? And on screen, not in RL?

that whole fucking article is disgusting!im so angry and upset seeing that this morning.bloody excusing him the whole way through.how could they right such a piece,in such a way.

Crikey. So sorry OP. What a sad case in many ways. I am not surprised that you are reeling.

Do you have someone with whom you can process this? e.g. counselling service, trusted friend who will offer nonjudgemental listening, Samaritans (the number is 116 123 and they offer nonjudgemental listening 24/7/365)

It's a big shock, the emotional fallout must be huge. ((hugs))

What a nasty shock for you OP. I remember how I felt a few years ago when I read in a local paper that a much loved PE teacher at my secondary school had been jailed for similar offences - and I wasn't even close to him like you were with your PhD supervisor. I hope once you process this you will be able to get back on an even keel.

I too am shocked be the leniency shown. It's almost like the judge is saying we'll let you off lightly as you were able to masquerade successfully as a normal member of society.

@kateandme agree the defence statement was very much about poor Man, career now tainted, he was bored blah blah blah unbelievable to read that.

Similar experience. OP. I had a young child at the time, although they had never been alone together, it. Wasnt beyond possibility and there was no way you would have ever suspected

He got a suspended order, only to repeat and get custodial on the second conviction

@Bringringbring12 oh ffs of course the victims are the most important people to feel sorry for, but the OP is allowed to be upset about this too, particularly given their own background of suffering child abuse. What was the point of your comment?

Nice @Bringringbring12.

op, I hope you feel better soon.

I’m sorry op, it’s awful when someone close to use lets us down.

Bringringbring12 if you don’t want to support op who is clearly distressed,then why comment

Oh I see yo are a child abuse survivor

That really should have been in the OP

I’m sorry for what you have endured

I was just reading about the tutor at Pembroke College and then came on here and found this thread.
OP, it's a terrible, terrible shock and absolute proof that we never really know anyone or how they tick.

The judge is a joke.

bring it's 3 comments in. Maybe just take one tiny second to think about what you say before you say something shitty and insensitive.