If you've ever had an affair

[changemynamechangemynamewhen]

A) why
B) did you regret it and
C) did it turn into a new relationship

A) I was in a vulnerable lonely place at the time and he was equally in that place in his marriage.
B) Neither of us regretted any of the 2 years it lasted.
C) It was secret from everyone, only us. At 2 years we realised it had run its course, he made decisions to improve his marriage and I decided to finish it and be open to an available man to have a proper relationship with. I am happy in my relationship now and he is rebuilding his marriage successfully. We still respect each other as we helped each other through a difficult stage in both our lives. We remain friends without the benefits now.

A) because my ex husband had checked out of the relationship, he slept in a different room, ate his dinners in a different room, was also a gambling addict and stole my money, was emotionally abusive and after years of putting up with it I just needed someone to talk. Met someone online and it turned into a romantic relationship after a couple of months of chatting online.

B) Not for a second.

C) yes, we've been together six years and married since last year. Currently expecting our baby.

I had an emotional affair. Let my friendship with my best friend become more important than my relationship with my husband. Got divorced. Married best friend. Still happy decades later.

@litterbird how incredibly depressing for his wife. You actively had an affair with a married man for two years, never once regretted any pain you could have or still can cause her and now you’re actively seeking a relationship with someone open. I hope this new guy does the dirty on you in the name of working on his relationship with you 😠😆😆

Whilst I've been in that situation myself OP you better prepare yourself for an absolute herd of raging MN bulls who are on their way to shout at you for asking lol!!

Pop your hard hat on......

@Justtheonemorethen24 sorry can you read the OP?

A. My marriage was abusive and I needed out but couldn't see how. I needed someone to get "me" back a bit to give me the courage to leave. Would have better if it had been a friend but my ex husband had isolated me from all my friends
B. Yes sort of. I regret that I didn't have anyone else in my life at the time who believed in me. I regret the underhand nature of it all.
C. Not really but we have remained very good friends ever since (+15 years) but only through social media and telephone - we don't meet up. He gets me and always has but I know he's not the right man for me. We should have stayed friends

A) I was unhappy in my primary relationship and I fell in love with someone else.
B) the affair soon became a toxic, horrific mess.
C) I didn’t end up with him, so no, it didn’t turn into a relationship.

*i have since fallen madly in love with one of the best people I’ve ever met though, I am so happy and hopeful for my future. Had I not had an affair, I probably wouldn’t have left the original relationship as it had never crossed my mind to do so.

A) in a marriage I should have left years ago, felt unloved and unfulfilled and very lonely. Someone came along who I got along with and was very attracted to and I got swept up, probably related to low self esteem, I don’t want to make excuses for us though, it’s incredibly selfish.
B) every single day, not only because of the potential hurt that could be caused to our respective families but it is actually a horrible experience - the lows do not outweigh the highs in the end and emotionally it has taken its toll. It’s a total rollercoaster and just not worth it.
C) no, maybe it will someday but I’d always have those doubts, once a cheater always a cheater and all that. Just don’t do it, it can never ever be a good way to start a new relationship and it’s incredibly hard to get out of once you’re involved.

A) I was in an abusive marriage. He refused to leave. I was miserable.
He was a friend in a dead marriage to a Catholic woman who believed they should stay married despite not having any sort of relationship
B) No, I don't regret it
C) Yes, it's been rough but we're planning our wedding now, 5 years on

A) It wasn't intentional but I fell in love with my best friend, he could see the emotional abuse with my current partner (who had been having an affair for our whole relationship, apparently I was the other woman despite holidaying with his family etc) who knew! When I ended our relationship and told him he was free to continue with her (she was there a good two years before me apparently!) he dropped her like a hot potato but he was toxic and I'd never have gone back.

B) It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. He changed my life for the better.

C) We're still together nearing 10 years later, he's my soulmate and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

sorry can you read the OP?

Are you suggesting that the only people allowed to post on this thread are the ones who answer the three questions in the OP, OP?

I was in a bad marriage with an abusive man who had ground my self esteem so low I had no belief in myself and couldn't see a way out
No regrets. If I hadn't I believe I would still be in the same unhappy place.

No I never ended up with him and wouldn't of wanted to. I still see him occasionally through work and am grateful for him showing me that I deserved better in life.

It's asking for peoples experiences @ShagMeRiggins not an excuse to attack others

Fair enough, OP, but you know this is an inflammatory topic, right? Good luck controlling the thread content.

I echo everything that @daveyn40 has said

It is not worth it and causes so much hurt

A) Yes, my marriage had runs it's course, having discovered affairs my dh had early in our marriage and doing nothing, the resentment built, I ended up having a brief affair. Shortly after I ended the marriage because I knew that I wanted more than my marriage could give. I don't condone cheating. I'll be clear and it wasn't tit for tat. However, without my affair acting as a catalyst I'd still be married and unhappy...
I'm not friends with the affair partner purely because it hurts too much. He wasn't married.

A. because I was bored and I could. I was almost single.
B. Yes but not at the time.
C. Not really maybe lasted about a couple of months if that.
He was quite fun, sexy as hell but a total Himbo.

A) I was in an abusive marriage, husband was an absolute arsehole.
B) Not for a nano second. I was happy and he deserved everything he got. OM was single so no fallout on that side. My only regret is leaving and going straight into another relationship and not having any time alone first.
C) Yes, we have been together for 21 years now. We have had our ups and downs but on the whole been happy and it’s a good relationship.

@daveyn40 snap. Word for word. The most utter worst desperate sad time of my life . I feel chemically changed and will never be the person I was. Damaged doesn’t cover it.

We went on to have a relationship but - surprise surprise- he had a spiritual awakening (I kid you not) and met a gorgeous warm yoga teacher who was sooooo much nicer than me. Within 2 weeks of meeting her I was history. Never spoke again. He married her.

I’m single and don’t regret ending my long term relationship but I do regret how I did it. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who wants me now. It’s very shit. I would do my utmost to talk someone out of it.

I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who wants me now. It’s very shit. I would do my utmost to talk someone out of it.

Why do you think you won't find anyone else?

I’m old.
Have 2 dependant dds.
Very Little childcare
2 x jobs.

And I still miss him. And it’s over 6 yrs since I last set eyes on him. Truthfully wish I’d never met him.

I’ve had a couple of relationships. But nothing compares. Now I’m on the singles thread and staying that way.

Yes. I am having an affair now (although I'm single, so I guess technically I'm not having the affair). He is married.

He's my peer at work. I regret every second of the hurt (either if his wife finds out or if she doesn't, the closeness/ intimacy she is missing out on because he gets it with me). I wish I could end it and tell him to come back when he's left his wife. But I've completely fallen for him. Totally and utterly. I've never felt this way about anyone - even my own ex-H.

I wonder whether it might. My brother and his wife had an affair. I don't condone how it started but they are happy now and I'm glad they worked out.

A) My partner was emotionally abusive and I grew close to someone from work who was also having a difficult time. I kept telling myself it wasn't an affair although with hindsight it 110% was an emotional affair. It teetering on the brink of being more than an EA was what got me to leave my partner.
B) Yes, it gave my partner a get out of jail free card for all the things wrong with our relationship and made me the official bad guy. I stopped trying to fix our relationship and spent all my time idolising this other woman. It took a long time before I could admit to myself what I'd done.
C) Yes but I was a complete mess emotionally after my previous relationship and it didn't work out.

A few years down the line I'm glad I'm not with my daughters mother any more as she was never going to change and it was turning me into someone I hated. I just wish I'd had the courage to do that cleanly.

1. My now ex was v unfaithful and I got sick of being the faithful idiot at home.

1. It's ongoing still. I don't regret it at all.

1. It's a kind of relationship but not a monogamous, heading for marriage, one. I don't see myself wanting a full time relationship again.