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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I get blown off?

10 replies

DEM041976 · 25/02/2020 03:42

My friends and I met a bartender a couple years ago on vacation. She’s always been really sweet to us ( yes, I know that’s their job ) We kind of struck up a friendship with her over when we were in town and she’s since moved to another city. I travel for business and a few months back I happened to be in town. I sent her a message to say I’d love to come say hello to her. She responded and told me the name of the place she works. I swing by and am greeted with a hug and we chatted whil she worked. I had to go back recently and since she gave me her number I texted and told her I’d be in town again and would like to say hello again. Response in about 10 minutes and she asked what dates. I told her and she says Cool, you know where I’ll be. I get into town last week and go to the bar and notice she isn’t there. I text and asks if she’s working and she says she was off but is working a lot over the next few days though. So I respond that I was leaving the following afternoon and was hoping to see her, I then ask if she would like to meet me for a drink or coffee and her response was I’m sorry I’m not really feeling up to it. That being said I’ve never thought of her of anything other than a friend. 1. Did she blow me off? 2. Is it possible I sent the wrong signals? 3. If I’m ever back there should I attempt to contact her again?

OP posts:
Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2020 04:01

I think so ..... it does seem a bit one sided sadly .

TopShelf · 25/02/2020 04:07

I'd contact her again, op.
Anything could have happened and she just couldn't face
being sociable. We've all been there.

FredaFrogspawn · 25/02/2020 04:13

Have you given her any signals that you might be interested in her as more than a friend?

DEM041976 · 25/02/2020 04:20

In a way maybe, but at the previous bar she worked in the flirting is abundant. So I played along there but other than that nothing comes to mind. When I saw her last time it was just friendly conversation and nothing flirtatious at all.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 25/02/2020 04:24

She’s not interested. I would leave it now.

DEM041976 · 25/02/2020 04:29

I think that’s what I’m having a hard time understanding. I know it’s cliche the say but I am really only interested in being friends with her. II don’t think I came across with the other mindset. I even told her that it’s just nice to see a familiar face when I’m in a different city. You’re probably right though. Just odd to me.

OP posts:
MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 25/02/2020 04:33

I don't think it's necessarily a blow off. She might just be exhausted from working a lot or many other different reasons, i'd try not to take it personally if she's otherwise been friendly and happy to see you.

Andpppy · 25/02/2020 04:39

You don’t know her that well. Nothing more than a passing acquaintance. She may have many things going on she does not share / illness in the family, a new r’ship elsewhere, some other personal issues. Whatever the case may be she is politely and clearly saying not up for a friendship or meeting up. Which is fine - we all have the right to say that. So respect the request, her, yourself and go do something else rather than worrying about it.

DEM041976 · 25/02/2020 04:58

Wouldn’t say I’m worried per se. Realistically, I don’t want to make mistakes. I’ll be honest, I’m a tell it like it is type, I don’t really understand hidden meanings. I totally agree with what you’re saying and that’s kind of what I was thinking anyway. Just really needed some clarity.

OP posts:
mumsie2019 · 27/02/2020 05:50

I would send a message.
A Hi hope all is well, it would be good to stay in contact as I enjoy your friendship, keep in touch sort of text.
Sometimes it can be a nice surprise sometimes it's a omg it's him again so be ok with either

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