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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He wants me to reanact what happened to me

97 replies

Apricotjam82 · 24/02/2020 19:27

A few weeks ago my partner and I went on a mini break We have a very volatile relationship where is can be emotionally abusive. He has been so lovely to me since Xmas but whilst we were there we rowed and he said he didn't love me, told me I was a silly little girl, refused to speak to me when o was trying to sort it out and asked for his key back (I'd told him of he asked for it back again it would be the last time). O did something really silly and I left. Tooly bag and went to find a new hotel. I called him to go back but he didn't answer. O found a hotel and then got really drunk and ended up going back to a blokes flat. Here I don't remember much other than I left there screaming; I ran partially clothed, no shoes and ran and ran. He did something to me that made me run. I don't know what. I ran around this town o didn't know with no much one until someone stopped and helped me and took me back to my hotel. I called my partner during this time over 40 times and left voicemails screamimg and asking for help. He answered none of them. The next morning he called and asked if I was still in the town and he'd give me a lift back. I told him o thought I'd been sexually assaulted. He replied I don't believe you, you went there and slept with someone else. He ended it. O don't know what happened to me, I literally remember nothing than going to that flat and leaving screamimg with no shoes on and no bottoms. My partner doesn't believe me as he said my jeans are too difficult to get off and he can't do it. He said hell consider taking me back, if I show what happened, I have to show him what I can remember physically and o have to wear the same top, underwear, jeans, everything. I said I can't face doing that. So he's blocked me, dropped all my belongings on my doorstep and that's it. It's over. I am just devastated I did this to him

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 26/02/2020 18:16

you know his reasons for this re-enactment are LIES... he's just a sick pervert trying to prove all of this is your fault.. seriously you need help understanding why this man is dangerous for your mental health and wellbeing... please speak to someone other the. Him..

MitziK · 26/02/2020 19:03

Honestly? I think he wants to reenact it precisely so he can sexually assault/rape you. And say you wanted it to happen.

For fuck's sake, don't indulge his vicious little fantasy. Because, for a start, he's going to make damn sure the door is locked so there is absolutely no chance you'd be able to escape when he does it. He might chuck you out into the street without clothes at the end, though. Just for that extra humiliation.

Just stay the fuck away from him. Forever.

FabbyChix · 26/02/2020 20:08

Seriously you don’t need this man he is a total prick tell him to Fuk off and he can believe what he likes

FabbyChix · 26/02/2020 20:09

So what if you slept with another man he was the one fucked you off

porple · 26/02/2020 20:13

you need to forget about him he’s extremely abusive. look up the freedom programme

Nofunkingworriesmate · 26/02/2020 20:28

Lots of women have been sexually assaulted wearing jeans, most rape victims are wearing a full set of clothes.

Please ring helplines and go see your doctor as a priority, if you feel able contact your local police station I can assure you you will be treated kindly, respectfully and believed

FrogsFrogs · 26/02/2020 20:31

Run a mile he sounds terrifying.

Serenschintte · 26/02/2020 20:34

Op you need Women’s aid and the Freedom program
No decent man would say or do the things this man is saying you must do.
It’s vile and horrible.
I hope you have the strength not to do this. If you need your possessions back the police may help you - or find some supportive friends who will go with you to get your items back.
Good luck

Apricotjam82 · 26/02/2020 23:13

All he's messaged since is how this has affected him, how I flirted with a random stranger, how I choose not to be with him, and another man over him. I did choose to leave but it's because he wasn't being nice to me. I did go out and talk to someone else because I wanted to feel like I was a nice person but I didn't want this. My ex just says he's sad I went off with another man x

OP posts:
copperoliver · 26/02/2020 23:28

He's done you a massive favour. Sorry what happened to you. X

Justtryingtobehelpful · 26/02/2020 23:36

Your partner sounds like a sexual predator. He is using this to make you feel inadequate. Don't do it. It will be thrown back in your face and used to blackmail you many times in the coming years to force you to comply with his sexual requests.

Find someone in real life to talk to whether it's a friend, family member or therapist. This is wrong.

Read

  • How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser
  • Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why Does He Do That? docdro.id/py03
GabsAlot · 27/02/2020 00:02

|Just ignore his texts op hes being abusive-hes not sad hes controlling you turning this whole thing round on you

BumbleBeee69 · 27/02/2020 02:48

OP he is showing you who he is... believe him.. his only concern is Himself.. his ego.. his image.. his pride.. He will use everything you share with him as a weapon to beat you mentally forever... he's a fucking dirtbag that needs ditched ... please speak to professionals about what happened to YOU... you need help.. please acknowledge that...

cakecakecheese · 27/02/2020 07:02

Block him.
Get help.

Sassanacs · 27/02/2020 07:36

Don't go from one abusive situation to another OP... take this as a bells and whistles warning to make the break properly and no longer have anything to do with this man.

This is nothing short of cruel. To suggest that you should reenact an assault to make the person who is supposed to protect you believe you shows someone of a very twisted disposition. STAY AWAY!!

Get some help for what happened and work on your self-esteem so that you are not so emotionally vulnerable as it will cloud your judgement and you may overlook coercion and mistake control for kindness and being 'protective'. These predatory bastards spot it a mile off.

Sorry for what happened to you. I hope you find some peace.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/02/2020 08:40

I'm glad you're calling him an ex, OP. He's not remotely thinking about you. He cares only about himself. People like that need to be removed from your life.

contrary13 · 27/02/2020 09:16

"I am just devastated I did this to him"

No. He did this to you.

He sounds like my abusive ex. And believe me, you've had a lucky escape, if he is. You've had a lucky escape, regardless of him. But you, OP, have done nothing to deserve the treatment from this man, whom you believed/thought loved you.

I'm so sorry. Flowers

pooopypants · 27/02/2020 10:45

Block him. On your phone, social media, the lot. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM. He won't stop. You need to be a little bit strong and block him, it WILL get easier

BumbleBeee69 · 27/02/2020 11:40

He's just vile... horrible

BumbleBeee69 · 29/02/2020 14:58

How are you OP? did you manage to speak to someone other than your dangerous ex?

friendineed · 29/02/2020 16:38

You don't need to convince him of anything. You need to talk to the police. If you choose not to then see a rape councillor. Either way you need to look after yourself and block this so called boyfriend.

12345kbm · 29/02/2020 16:50

OP this is shocking.

Can I first suggest that you get in contact with Rape Crisis, they might have some specialised counselling in your area. You can find your local Rape Crisis here.

This man sounds very mentally unwell and I'm sorry that he's been harassing you like this. You really need to protect yourself from him and keep away. You've been through enough and you don't need to reenact your trauma. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

You might find the Freedom Programme helpful which can teach you about healthy relationships and red flags.

If he continues to harass you then contact the police on 101 for further advice. If he threatens you or becomes aggressive then dial 999.

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