I have been so stupid

[gognok]

Yes, I totally accept this is all my fault so please don't give me any more grief on that front.
My husband has never been a great communicator and for years has not really given me any attention sexually. I know I should have discussed this with him but instead stupidly I decided to have an online affair. It was wonderful, I felt appreciated and special (again totally false I know) but it put a huge smile on my face and made me feel happy- until he saw my messages. He wants a divorce and has asked me to leave.
My world has fallen apart, I want to die. We have children together. I don't know what to do next.

The damage is done and this marriage is over. Proceed with ending it as amicably as possible. Get a solicitor as soon as possible, and don't take any serious steps like moving out until you do so. That's all you can do.

Crikey- really that harsh?

That isnt harsh its the best advice. Your marriage has been over for years you need to face that fact.

Communicate to him that you wish to do this sensibly and with legal advice

I don’t think that was harsh advise, especially here! Your not happy, you acted on it,he’s angry you did what you did. Seperate

I agree your marriage was over anyway.

Why prolong the agony?

Was he also having an affair? I think you should divorce him in unreasonable grounds

If you take care of the kids he should leave.

It sounds as though there were huge cracks in your marriage before you embarked on this affair. Was the lack of sex something you'd tried to discuss with your husband before the affair?

Obviously an affair wasn't the right thing to do, but it isn't really fair to expect someone to live with a sexless marriage (unless it's by mutual agreement) so I can understand why you sought affection elsewhere.

Even leaving aside the affair, do you think your marriage would have been fixable? To me, it sounds as though it had already run its course.

Only you know whether there's any chance your husband would be prepared to give things another try - I'm afraid no one could blame him for not being prepared to forgive you - but ask yourself whether this is actually what you want - suppose he forgave you, what would stop you being back in the same position you were when you began the affair?

I agree you weren't really in a functioning relationship, though quite often people who have had an affair of some sort see their relationship in a worse light than it actually was. But no sex for a long time is something you can be completely objective about.

You could ask your H if he is willing to go to counseling with you.

If not, no use flogging a dead horse. But he may find that divorce over this will cost him more than he imagines now. It certainly isn't a given that he can just put you out of the house.

Don't leave the house unless you have to and have a financial settlement in place - is it his or jointly owned, or rented? If you are the primary carer if the children then you may well get to stay in the house.

Go and see a solicitor. Find out what you can expect in financial terms and wrt custody of the children.

Don't agree to any of your H's requests about leaving until you know where you stand, legally.

Thank you math.....good practical advice

Who owns the house? Are you both on the mortgage?

Both on mortgage

Thankfully I ignored all your stuck up advice and had an open and honest talk with my husband. He admits to neglecting me and I admit to having done wrong. We are now making a stronger effort and it's wonderful

Glad to hear things are looking more positive but nobody gave you stuck up advice From your OP it sounded like the marriage was on the rocks and the affair was a final nail in the coffin. People were giving practical advise based on what you said. Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't make it wrong or stuck up.

I hope you and your husband move past this and have a long and happy relationship in the future

I dont think it was stuck up advice either.

You are clearly unhappy and its not an easy fix but great you think you can make a go of it. Perhaps some counselling would be good so he can deal with his feelings and build trust and you can get to the bottom of why you neglected each other. Good luck

Ehh? You asked for advice, and people gave it.
Now 48 hours later everything is wonderful. I hope it works out well for you But it is early days

Good luck. You’ll need it.

Wow...righty oh op!

Stuck up advice??? Lol

I'm so glad it's wonderful now, a full 48 hours after you posted. I really hope it stays this way, what could possibly go wrong?!

I wish I’d known I could have an affair and everything would be wonderful after 48 hours, I’d have done it years ago 🙄😂

Best of luck in any event ☺️

That was a good way to try to close the thread. Totally unbelievable too.

Cue some hysterical bonding ...

Good luck to you and your husband OP. I think having a frank discussion together was the first thing you should have been doing, and I hope it all works out for you.

I'm not sure that I would call other posters' advice "stuck up", but it did strike me as odd that you said your world had fallen apart and their advice was to divorce and move on!

Bollocks 😂

Ironic the title of this is 'I have been so stupid' perhaps it should be 'I'm still being stupid'
Good luck with your new 'wonderful' situation'

Brilliant!