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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have been so stupid

60 replies

gognok · 24/02/2020 19:02

Yes, I totally accept this is all my fault so please don't give me any more grief on that front.
My husband has never been a great communicator and for years has not really given me any attention sexually. I know I should have discussed this with him but instead stupidly I decided to have an online affair. It was wonderful, I felt appreciated and special (again totally false I know) but it put a huge smile on my face and made me feel happy- until he saw my messages. He wants a divorce and has asked me to leave.
My world has fallen apart, I want to die. We have children together. I don't know what to do next.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 26/02/2020 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YgritteSnow · 26/02/2020 22:17

I don't understand what "stuck up advice" is. Can you explain?

letsdolunch321 · 26/02/2020 22:22

Had you spoken to your dh originally & NOT had an online affair .... YOU would not have had to post on here.

Posters were trying to help you as you had made a post

Opentooffers · 26/02/2020 22:26

Maybe it was the shock he needed to get his act together? Bit odd the fast turnaround, but who, whatever works 🤷

ouch321 · 26/02/2020 22:33

I'm not sure 48 hours is enough to consider the matter done and dusted.

Don't count your chickens...

AnyFucker · 26/02/2020 22:37

Yeah, bollocks

QueenOfOversharing · 26/02/2020 22:37

Oh I do love a happy ending...

outherealone · 26/02/2020 23:00

Wow. What a bunch of stuck up vipers.
So glad the op completely ignored the advice she asked for and is now in second honeymoon territory. Wonder if her cuckholded husband will be planning some online fun of his own to help redress the balance?
Cue next year: renewing the wedding vows

NoMoreDickheads · 26/02/2020 23:07

My husband has never been a great communicator and for years has not really given me any attention sexually

OP, IMHO you need to still keep an eye on this. If (when?) he acts like this again, you'll need to consider what you want to do, whether you'll end the marriage as you'll be dissatisfied again, etc.

Kirkman · 27/02/2020 06:13

Yeah cause it happens like that.Hmm

2 days later, all is hunky dory and everyone has admitted their fault.

Maybe you want to advance search the threads where this has happened and 2 years down the line, no one has moved on from it. They realise it's been shit for si long theres no way back.

If you came here expecting people to tell you how to convince him to not divorce you, you are in the wrong place.

I mean, if the relationship was so short for so long it justifies what you did, why would continuing it be a good thing?

MidniteMessenger · 27/02/2020 06:19

How rude are you OP? Stuck up advice or truthful?

MidniteMessenger · 27/02/2020 06:23

In fact I think your trolling and will report the thread. This is the 3rd thread where 24/48 hours later following advice given on here the op has slated posters calling them out on their advice, then everything is hunkydory, I think it's the same poster name hanging with 3 or 4 different threads.

Waiting1987 · 27/02/2020 06:24

Is the man you had met online in January now your husband then? Confused

PixieDustt · 27/02/2020 06:25

Thankfully I ignored all your stuck up advice and had an open and honest talk with my husband.

The only person is YOU who's is stuck up. People giving advise then you slate them.
OP limit your internet use maybe things like this wouldn't happen... Grin

Kirkman · 27/02/2020 06:27

I am not so sure it's a troll.

Op you posted here for advice regarding your period and the fact it was going to interrupt your shagging the OM?

Really?

You didnt have an online affair you had a full on affair. Your husband knows that does he? Arranging to meet up in a hotel when you were meant to where?

This is the problem. Soon it will sink in that its mot just messages or the odd shag. It's been months of lies and hiding information. It's been hundreds of lies of where you are, who you are talking to, how your day had been. If your husband knows about the sex, he will reply how you were when he saw you after. What you said, how you acted. How you stood there, knowing you had spent the afternoon shagging someone else, pretending you had a run of the mill day.

PixieDustt · 27/02/2020 06:28

Also stop making your husband take the blame for something YOU done.
YOU went and had an affair because it made YOU happy. Your husbands done nothing wrongZ ALL YOU.

Emma198 · 27/02/2020 06:29

It's all been wonderful for 24hrs 🤨

SillyMoomin · 27/02/2020 06:30

Continue to bury your head in the sand op

monkeypigsysandy · 27/02/2020 06:31

No one replied for several days so you put a goady post on to start it up again, ok , definitely believable

welliesarefuntowear · 27/02/2020 06:33

I think, and I say this with the best of intentions that you need to try and unpick this a lot more than you are. He is desperate at the moment. I've been in your husbands shoes. People can and do repair their marriages after affairs but you have to recognise you have destroyed the trust that you had. Your tone to other posters is pretty arrogant and I suspect you are the sort of person who is not used to thinking outside the prism of their own existence. I hope you can make it work but currently you're not giving anything to your husband. And this has only stopped because he found out. How much longer would you have continued?

Oblomov20 · 27/02/2020 06:36

Stuck up advice?

If you think things will be better in the future, You are probably naive op. Once the trust is gone, it can not be got back. If you're late back from work/on a week long course/miss the train home.... he'll always be wondering, where you truely are, and if you are lying to him again.

NotStayingIn · 27/02/2020 06:49

If he really hasn’t given you any attention and his immediate reaction to you cheating was wanting you out, I think there is a good chance that for him the marriage was already over.

His change of heart is far more likely because he has some other reason for not wanting to go through with a divorce right now. (Not wanting to be alone, financial, keeping face, not wanting the hassle, whatever.) I think when the time is right for him he will leave you.

Unless you both really work on the marriage I think it’s highly unlikely things are as fixed as you think they are. That’s not being mean, just realistic.

Russell19 · 27/02/2020 06:50

You say here he's given you no attention sexually. Yet on another thread you said you don't enjoy sex and do it begrudgingly when DH wants it....

Maybe you are the cause of your marriage problems not your DH so don't go blaming the affair on him. Not very fair.

monkeypigsysandy · 27/02/2020 06:54

Total bollocks

TheMemoryLingers · 27/02/2020 07:11

I put time and thought into the advice I gave - I wish I hadn't bothered now.

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