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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found messages on my boyfriends phone

27 replies

Mariaquartz · 22/02/2020 11:31

Me and my boyfriend have been together for four years but for the past six months have been very up and down. Last night I looked on his phone (after seeing him type the passcode in so knowing what it was) and found that he had Tinder. He works abroad a few times a month and I found evidence that on many of these trips he has messaged random women. One of them he has asked to come to his hotel and actually given the name of the hotel too. They agreed to meet the next day but the next day he messaged her to say he was working late so couldn’t. Of course the point is that he would have done, had she said there and then I’m on the way then I’m sure it would have ended in sex. He was messaging me at the same time, sending me photos of his hotel room. I don’t know what I feel. Disgust, of course, but I’ve said nothing. I feel like I’m biding my time but I’m not sure what for. The most recent message is from 2 weeks ago. I know I should just leave but don’t feel like I’ve got the strength to confront it.

OP posts:
filka · 22/02/2020 16:33

Don't do anything hasty, especially including having any conversation, but use the time while he is away to plan your exit.

  • Get an estate agent in to value the property
  • Start looking for somewhere else to live
  • Perhaps take important docs out of the house (passport, birth cert etc.).
Work on separating any joint financial arrangements, joint accounts etc. Consult a solicitor if necessary, though I understood that you are not married and have no children which simplifies things. Get an STI test. Be properly prepared for the conversation when he gets back.
dwum · 22/02/2020 17:27

He's a twat

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