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Mean with money?

97 replies

Festivalgirl83 · 20/02/2020 22:19

Been with BF for two years, we dont live together as both have young children so waiting a while to decide which area to live in.
We have a great relationship but every now and then I get a little niggle about how tight he is with money. We both earn about the same each month so equal in terms of earning but little things such as last week we went to the chippy he was ordering fish and chips for himself, me and a chip butty for his daughter...he parked right outside the cash point to pointedly tell me there's the cash point I'll see you in the chippy?! I mean it's a fiver so hardly breaking the bank.
Another example he took me away for my birthday weekend (I had paid for half the hotel) and he still told me what I owed him for petrol money.
In two years he has never just treated me to a meal out we always halve it (I have treated him occasionally to meals)
Is it just me or is being tight with money a turn off and unromantic?

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 21/02/2020 01:29

If it’s this bad now, look out I would bet it’s only going to get worse. What an unattractive facet of his personality. Thinks more about his wallet than he does about you...I mean who does this?

PanettoneEater · 21/02/2020 01:33

@FetchezLaVache he sounds like a candidate to be on the extremes cheapskates tv show! What a bonkers way to live!

Pandamoore · 21/02/2020 03:21

Mean with money is pretty much always a bad sign yeh

KatherineJaneway · 21/02/2020 03:46

It would be a deal breaker for me being that tight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2020 03:47

I bought a sandwich and a coffee for a homeless bloke the other day. I treat random strangers better than your partner treats you.

Toomanygerbils · 21/02/2020 03:50

I could post a giant rant at this, instead will say you can do better

Mintjulia · 21/02/2020 03:55

Oh God, I have to be careful with money, but I’ve never charged anyone petrol money, birthday or not.

I’d be looking for someone new.

Weffiepops · 21/02/2020 04:58

Dump him, it will only get much much worse.

wehaveafloater · 21/02/2020 05:33

Run run run ! He's terrible.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 21/02/2020 05:57

surprised he didn't ask for the money out his daughters piggy bank to pay for her chip butty

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 06:06

I am all for keeping money seperate. I li e with dp and told him to never propose. I have no intention of mingling finances with someone.

However, I dont even act like this with my best friend. Never mind Dp. If me and my best friend go to the chippy one might pay, the other might pay.

If we were going away for her birthday, bot a chance I would ask for half the petrol. When I have been skint she has put petrol in my car.

Me and dp got takeaway last night. He paid because he had cash I didnt. If he got up today and reminded him I owed him £6 I would tell him to get a grip. I would find it supremely unattractive.

I wouldnt want to live with him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/02/2020 06:12

Get rid of this tight fisted man you have saddled yourself with.

When someone tells you who they are It pays for you to listen.

category12 · 21/02/2020 06:13

Don't move in together, and don't have more dc with this man. It'll be miserable.

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2020 06:17

I bought my work friend lunch the other day, was about a fiver so I'm more generous to her than he is to you

Dump the loser

Festivalgirl83 · 21/02/2020 08:51

He's extremely generous in other ways with his money, for example he pays above and beyond what he should in maintenance to his ex even when he does overtime or extra shifts he pays her part of that and pays for all extra curricular activities for his daughter.
We had been together about 9 months and went to a wedding, it was a work colleague of his (I'd never met) and he still asked me to put half the amount of the money he was giving for the wedding gift in the card.
He also bought me a ticket £16 for his DD dance show and asked me for that last week...I did say are you joking to that one?!

OP posts:
yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 21/02/2020 09:00

Paying for your child isn't an example of extreme generosity! It's normal behaviour for parents to contribute to their child's upbringing!!

fedup21 · 21/02/2020 09:04

He's extremely generous in other ways with his money, for example he pays above and beyond what he should in maintenance to his ex even when he does overtime or extra shifts he pays her part of that and pays for all extra curricular activities for his daughter.

Paying for his child isn’t generous!

Anyway-you’ve only got his word for it about what extras he pays. I bet his ex would paint a different picture.

Kirkman · 21/02/2020 09:07

He's extremely generous in other ways with his money, for example he pays above and beyond what he should in maintenance to his ex even when he does overtime or extra shifts he pays her part of that and pays for all extra curricular activities for his daughter.

That's not overly or very generous. If you can afford to pay for these things and has extra money, why wouldnt you?

My wage went up so my kids have extra treats, do you consider that very generous of me?

And that's actually worse. What he is saying his generosity (if you want to call it that) only extends to his child. Nit to others he loves. That tells you what it will be like living with him. He will think nothing of treating his child, but wont buy you child something from the chippy?

Dp has an adult son. He has his own home etc. Its slightly different. But I can not imagine asking dp for money because I was going to the chippy and his son was here. I wouldnt even ask his son.

When me and dp were first together ds was ill. Dp turned up on the doorstep didnt come in but gave me a dvd that ds wanted to watch while he was ill. That's generous with thoughts and money. If he had asked me to reimburse him ibwoild have shut the door in his face.

Yika · 21/02/2020 09:08

This is a massive turn-off.

If you see a future with him, ask him if he is willing to confront his money issues head on (I think he should see a therapist to tease out the psychology behind this miserliness). He probably sees it as normal.

TwentyViginti · 21/02/2020 09:08

Ah he pays extra for his daughter. That's why he wants a girlfriend on the cheap.

The othe stuff he wants you to pay for, in your update - seriously? How can you even contemplate living with someone this cheap? He wants to live with you to halve his living expenses. Did you see pps post about the Sainsbury's list and the highlighter pen? That's your future.

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 21/02/2020 09:15

My ovaries are cringing reading this , meanness like this is a total turn off, cut your losses and leave Scrooge to his own devices

strawberry2017 · 21/02/2020 09:30

He sounds awful!
Making you pay towards your birthday present is horrendous.
Get rid! He's not generous to you. He pays for his child as he should.

Saoirse22 · 21/02/2020 09:31

Get out of that relationship now.

Goodness, this made me shake my head in disbelief. Mostly for myself, because I've been there, done that.

I spent 7 years with someone who was tight as hell and I couldn't see it for a long time. Most of those 7 years we lived together. Sadly, I needed a very shocking wake up call - when I got depressed and ended up being unable to work and bring money, that man was annoyed with the fact that he had to pay most of our living expenses for a while. For me, it's a no brainer in a normal couple's household, if one partner is seriously sick, the other will take care of them and help them regain their health. It would have been a no brainer if it was the other way round and I had to work for both. But no, not for that guy. He basically didn't want to comprehend that I was sick and broke, which made my depression and feelings of worthlessness even worse and hindered my healing. Even after we broke up, he kept contacting me asking to give him back my share of this and that. Nowadays I know that him being a tight materialistic idiot contributed to me becoming depressed and pressured in the first place.

The only good things in the whole relationship was that it was a lesson and I left the relationship still young enough to find a loving, mature man and start a family where everyone is truly supporting each other through thick and thin.

What you mentioned about him paying for his daughter doesn't show any generous nature at all. It shows fulfilling of a duty. You can do so much better than him and don't need this sort of a burden. You have yourself and a small child to think about, not about counting every penny you owe to your personal money management police office who will breath down your neck every day of your life.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 21/02/2020 09:36

Wow, he's tighter than a duck's arse!

Being this tight is extremely unattractive, especially as he's allowed you to treat him occasionally. I bet he didn't say no then?

So reveal all OP - did he buy you a birthday present, or was your 'treat' the weekend away for which you paid half?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 21/02/2020 09:44

He's extremely generous in other ways with his money, for example he pays above and beyond what he should in maintenance

That's not extremely generous that's called being a father.