My husband has left after 22 years

[RupaulsHagface]

I am in shock, I feel numb, I had thought for a while something was going on and found evidence in his phone, confronted and he has left me. He says it's nothing to do with 'her' and won't give any details. Doesn't love me anymore, I am broken :(

11 months ago h left me after 20 years of marriage, you are far from alone (no ow in my case). Please consider sitting down to do finances, s a general rule you are likely to get a far better interim agreement if you can bite your tongue and discuss civilly. I have actually more money- turns out he was spending all the money! If I had used a solicitor it would have quickly got nasty and (according to web calculator) I would have got half what I currently receive.

Take him for every penny you can get, but pretending to be reasonable is the way, not anger.

@bettysnow
Can so relate, though did not have go through what Betty did.

It is all about self. Finding strength to change into the person you want to be, new you could be - your best you who you can trust ti be there for.

Events like this force you to change and that is painful.
It magnifies your every insecurity and makes you deal with it.

Would I change back ?
Not on your Nellie.

I am happier and stronger than I’ve ever been. And that is a very attractive thing.

but once you learn to trust yourself you will never need to worry about putting your faith in others x

So wise. I completely agree

Christ what an arse! Bloody mid life crisis piece of shit!!!

Sorry op that is shit
Just shit

I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

It may feel like now he has just moved on, and doesn't care for you, but he does. He's on the defensive, he will break down and try to speak to you.

Give yourself plenty of space to comprehend this. Don't rush the legal aspects unless you absolutely have to.
Avoid getting in touch with him if you can, I appreciate that can seem impossible. But let him miss you. It's only then you will find out his true feelings.

Keep drinking that tea, it's excellent medicine!

Also been through it

Mine apparently had been miserable for years and l treated him appallingly...apparently. Amazing how so many people then said how they thought he spoke to me like shit....

He was not happy when l told his parents that he had an OW as he'd promised them there wasn't. Stupid fool. My loyalty to him stopped the day he left me for her.

Mine also was very cold and harsh towards me. He couldn't understand that he'd obviously stepped out of the marriage years ago...but l hadn't. Plus the fact l was the one left with the DC whilst he went off for his new "normal life" as he called it

Ru I think at this stage you essentially need advice on getting through day to day if not hour by hour. Firstly please please resist from any contact. This will only cause you to sink further and increase your suffering. Remember he knows where you are. Secondly alcohol is not your friend right now. Absolutely understand the need to dull the pain albeit temporarily but alcohol will weaken you. You need to concentrate on building yourself up. Exercise daily even for ten minutes. For the time being draw up a routine especially important in the evenings and stick to it including tv, bath, time you get into bed. Planning will help you keep control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. Nytol one a night are fantastic for helping with sleep problems short term. Buy yourself a journal/ diary and write down everything you feel. You will be amazed at the progress you have made when you read back. Meditation/ self hypnosis on you tube especially at night with headphones is particularly great for helping nurture inner calm.
Say the word "stop!" out loud when those invasive/ stuck on a loop thoughts creep in. Keep practising this. Do not go "pain shopping!" No looking or getting other people to look on social media for him or her. Doing this will only keep wounds open and prevent healing.
Lastly treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend. You treat a dear friend with kindness,compassion, love and respect. No more self criticism. When you change how you think about yourself you will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how much stronger you will get. Hugs to you x

I found concentrating on the present helpful when I started obsessing about why. It could be noticing a bird or that the weather is nice. It sounds trivial but you are grieving and in shock so being grounded in the physical world is a good way of staying present. Shock will send you into dissociation which is that floaty, not with it, time not making sense feeling which is horrible so noticing the birds singing, that the rain is horizontal, that the cat is furry are all good strategies.

Lay off the booze. It will make you sadder. Eat. Shower. Get out of the house of 10 minutes at least.

It gets better but these first few weeks are brutal. Be kind to yourself.