Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Men & Cleaning

78 replies

Horsesforcourses23 · 20/02/2020 14:28

Its a bit of a lighthearted thread this one, but seriously.... Men and cleaning.

Does anyone have a man who acknowledges and cleans first without a continual reminder of what to do.

Honestly it's the bane of my life. Thursday is bin day, without fail every week, and every Thursday I have to take the bin out or remind him to take the bin out and then when I come home from work I have to bring the bin back in even if he's back first. He will have walked past it to get in and just left it there.

It sounds really petty and it's more just a general moan but are all men just crap at cleaning?

OP posts:

LemonTT · 20/02/2020 14:29

Yes plenty.

mbosnz · 20/02/2020 14:33

No, they aren't. Being lazy, arrogant, and a slob are not factors related to sex.

ForkHandlesplease · 20/02/2020 14:36

My DH manages to remember what bin goes out on what day, and will take in our bin and sometimes neighbour on both sides. he doesn't love cleaning but will hoover, polish, throw a wash on when it needs to be done as do I. He hates cooking, but cooks at least one eve meal a week, and occasional b/fast. always makes a snack in the eve. prob the reason I'm a bit chunky ;-)

Original poster

Horsesforcourses23 · 20/02/2020 14:36

Sorry think I have annoyed people, that wasn't the intention. It's just it feels exhausting all the time and I don't want to sound like a nag all the time either so just keep my mouth shut but how the hell do you get someone to clean up who apparently "just doesn't see the mess"

I really didn't mean it in a sexist way sorry

OP posts:

loobyloo1234 · 20/02/2020 14:37

My DP always 'tidies'. And then says 'ive cleaned the house'

So then I have to clean around his tidying. My DD used to do the same, used to hide things in drawers and say he had cleaned up

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 20/02/2020 14:38

but are all men just crap at cleaning?

No but it is (sweeping generalisations coming right up) true that historically cleaning and looking after the house was seen as women's work, that culture still persists both formally in some families and in formally in others in many way (the SAHM by default takes charge of running the house and role models this inadvertently to the children/ a paid cleaner is a woman and so forth).

For this reason there are vast swathes of the male population who will not do any kind of household chores unless they are pushed to do it and probably more men in this class than women.

However, there are lots and lots of men who do clean and will pull their weight. In fact the tidiest most house proud person I ever met was a male friend who was obsessively tidy and cleaned everything with anti-bac.

Few people really like cleaning though. It's more a question of respect and pulling your weight in the joint running of a home.

Original poster

Horsesforcourses23 · 20/02/2020 14:41

Thanks, its just bloody annoying all the time. We both work full time and honestly I just feel like a skivvy for the most part!

He is very good in lots of other ways it's just this one continual thing all the time..

OP posts:

Lottapianos · 20/02/2020 14:41

'Being lazy, arrogant, and a slob are not factors related to sex.'

Spot on. Its nothing to do with being a man, and everything to do with seeing cleaning/ cooking / childcare as NOT THEIR JOB. No one finds household stuff much fun but it has to be done. Plenty of men do behave like adults in their homes and take responsibility for their share of these tasks

ForkHandlesplease · 20/02/2020 14:42

You didn't annoy me.
I don't think that its "because they are men" they just don't see what needs to be done. It's because with some, its an excuse that's accepted.
If they work I'm sure they don't have to be reminded constantly what needs to be done, It just wouldn't be tolerated.

Legoandloldolls · 20/02/2020 14:42

My husband has a certain level of blindness when it comes to seeing the kids socks etc months floor. He could walk past it thousands of times and never pick them up. He will wash up and cook. Hoover too. But certain things? Nope they dont register. I do nag. " you do realise they are YOUR kids? So there socks on your floor is a issue?" He agrees every time. But it's like a connection he cant make.

It's quite therapeutic to go on strike. Never pick up a single sock then watch him madly hunting for clean ones to dress the kids. Of course there lies the problem. Training everyone young to sort out their own share of their mess.

TheSandman · 20/02/2020 14:44

It sounds really petty and it's more just a general moan but are all men just crap at cleaning?

Having just cleaned the toilets in my house because neither my wife or my two teenage daughters seem to think it's something that concerns them and typing this as displacement behaviour before tackling the shiteheap that is my son's bedroom (There are THINGS! under his bed) I can honestly say, No. Not all men are crap at cleaning.

bluebell34567 · 20/02/2020 14:50

oww the sandman your wife is a very lucky lady.

needadvicewithbloke · 20/02/2020 15:16

Women aren't born with a feather duster in one hand and a mop in the other. How did you learn how to do domestic chores?

He needs to learn and parents need to teach their children essential life skills as it's part of parenting. Children should leave home knowing how to look after themselves: cook, clean, wash clothes etc You know, like functioning adults.

He's a sexist prick OP who thinks it's demeaning women's work and beneath him. He has no respect for you so leaves it all to you. He can't even manage to bring the bin back, he leaves that to you.

Tell him to shape up or ship out.

AngelsSins · 20/02/2020 15:18

bluebell34567

No! Don’t add to the problem by acting like a man doing this is something special! Would you tell a man he was very lucky if his wife had just cleaned the loo?! Nothing against you Sandman, just think this only enforces the idea that it’s a woman’s job by default and she’s lucky if her husband does it.

mbosnz · 20/02/2020 15:19

oww the sandman your wife is a very lucky lady.

I don't know that I've ever heard a woman be told how lucky their husband is because they cleaned the bog and tidied the kid's room. . .

whereishappyat · 20/02/2020 15:23

My hubby is good with household stuff, I'm a sahm he works full time and still does his fair share of cleaning and chores. I think I am lucky, I don't mind telling him Thankyou for helping because it makes him feel appreciated and means I've less to do. Realistically with me being at home full time I should do 90% but I would say it's a 60/40 split which I am happy with.

otterturk · 20/02/2020 15:26

Mine is good. I have very high standards am anal as fuck and he sees this as an amusing trait and makes sure things are how I like them to be. He's a good one. Although he did wake me up a few weeks ago to tell me he had put some laundry in, like a Labrador wanting praise. No idea why when he does it all the time.

Don't stand for it OP. Nothing about a Y chromosome that excuses laziness.

otterturk · 20/02/2020 15:27

Just to add after seeing the PP's post, I always thank him for doing things. Not because it's "helping" but because it's kind, just like he always thanks me for dinner.

Kimbo180 · 20/02/2020 15:28

Mine moans while he cleans like whats that all about

ShamefulBlanket · 20/02/2020 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginandbearit · 20/02/2020 15:41

The two most unhygienic , untidy and chaotic houses I've ever seen were female dominated , one a nurses hostel and the other a house share...grim grim grim...inch deep in make up detritus, floordrobes , kitchen a bombsite ...and worse which i wont describe. ...but i know.NAWALT 😬

Original poster

Horsesforcourses23 · 20/02/2020 15:43

Thanks so much for all the replies, and I know some men do clean and I do say thank you, and he say's thank you when I cook dinner.

I think it's that I am just fed up of having to do all the cleaning, cooking, washing drying and no one in the house seems to think anything is their responsibility..

I made all the lunches the other week and he washed his cup out.

Because that was HIS cup and HIS mess... the chopping boards and knives that were SAT BY the sink were my mess.... after having made his lunch... I could have screamed!

With all that said as a PP said, I cut more slack on the kids when in actual fact I should be teaching them their jobs as well so they don't do the same when they are older!

Maybe a strike is the way forwards...

OP posts:

CrystalAlligator · 20/02/2020 15:46

DH and I have different standards when it comes to housework and I had an epiphany one day when I suddenly realised that for the rest of our lives I’d be redoing the toilet after he’s ‘cleaned’ it, asking him to change bedding and hoover etc and I’m just not okay with that. So he hired and pays for a cleaner. Only fair if it’s gonna otherwise all fall to me.

polkadotpj · 20/02/2020 15:46

I'm contemplating strike action too. My kids look at me like I'm a lunatic if I ask them to move their plates etc and it has to stop..

SimonJT · 20/02/2020 15:51

Some people are mucky, lazy, have different standards etc. It isn’t about being a man or woman.

I hate cleaning, so I have a cleaner twice a week so that I don’t have to do a great deal of cleaning.

Flip

1 2 3 4