Partner having a female friend

[kat4321]

I was curious about others opinions on this, I am open and don't want to come across completely crazy.

My boyfriend has recently made a new female friend sort of through uni (they're not on same course or same classes or anything). He's been open with me from the beginning and I trust him 100%. They have a lot in common and seem to be getting on well and text quite a lot back and forth, he was planning on meeting her next weekend, I will also be 37 weeks pregnant. She has called him beautiful a few times through text and he thinks it's innocent.

He doesn't have many other friends and is more extroverted than me and says he wants to meet interesting people, which I understand. And as I said I do trust him, and you're probably wondering whats the issue then? But I just don't trust her or other women and their intentions, and for them to meet when I'm heavily pregnant and for me to be overthinking like crazy and driving my self mad, am I selfish for thinking he shouldn't meet her at this point? Or am I crazy for overthinking any of this at all? I probably am.

Why is he meeting her? Where are they going? Are you invited?

(Wouldn’t personally be happy unless it was a group thing.)

Why can’t she come to yours for dinner and meet you his life partner

I wouldn't like the calling him beautiful thing, that's obviously flirty IMO. @Knewyou has a good idea that maybe you could somehow go along.

You're not being crazy to find this unacceptable!

Meeting her alone isn't really appropriate no.
...she isn't even on his course?!

Sorry but...its not like she is an old pal, or even a classmate.

I wouldn't be happy about this either.

If he wants to hang out with her then either he should invite you along too or do it in some other group context ideally.

If this continues then at the very least he has to be clear that be has a partner and is not looking for anything romantic. Like literally say it. I would probably want him to text it to her in front of me 'just to clarify' so that you can be sure he has been clear with her. And I would be inviting her to dinner or something sometime so that i could get to know her too.

Well the beauteous thing is weird but doesn't in itself mean she's trying to have sex with him. I don't think you should police his friends and I don't think your pregnancy impacts that as long as he comes back if you need him. If you trust him, then if she is it on he'll tell her where to go. Or you don't actually trust him

Nah .... fuck off!
Wouldn't have that for one minute.

Going off on his own for a meet up with some women hes met? Why???
Wouldn't have it
Especially not at 37 weeks pregnant

This is the type of thing that leads to affairs , don't be the cool wife

They can meet at your house. I’m sure she will be delighted to meet the mother of his child if she’s such a good friend

It's crossing boundaries.
It doesn't feel right to you or to us on here.

So unacceptable! Ask him how he would feel
If the show was on the other foot. Being friends is okay but if they are texting all the time and want to meet outside of uni is so out of order. You must be feeling all over the place with all your hormones being pregnant. Congratulations though not long to go now xx

I wouldn't like another woman, especially a recently met friend, calling my partner 'beautiful' in messages and I'm a lesbian where these sorts of things are understandably more blurry!

👆🏽 *shoe

Yeah I wouldn't be happy.. does she know he has a heavily pregnant partner at home?

Well you're not crazy. How old are you/he?

I didn't love it when you said 'i don't trust her or other women and their intentions'. Not all women are rampantly trying to shag your man!

Having said that, I can see why you feel uncomfortable. The 'beautiful' comment does seem weird, and although I don't have the context, I can't really imagine a scenario in which that wouldn't be a bit strange. I agree with posters who've asked why the meeting can't take place at your house. Can you suggest that to your partner?

I wouldn't meet another man no. I especially wouldn't want a man calling me beautiful when I have a husband...
My husband also doesn't go meeting up with woman especially when he has a pregnant wife at home, what are they planning to do?
Have a romantic meal? Nice little cinema trip??
No I wouldn't be having any of it, fair enough inviting round for dinner with the wife/girlfriend but on his own when you don't even know her?? Bit odd.. And she isn't even on his course, even more odd

That's really weird and it would not be happening in my relationship, call me crazy or whatever else I don't care.

Why is she calling him beautiful? Does she know about you and that you are both soon to be new parents?

Where are they going?
What are they going to do?
Do they not see & talk to each other enough at uni and over text?

It's all weird IMO & I'd be paranoid.
Like another PP said, this sort of thing leads to affairs. Not all men are like that, but one thing can lead to another and before you know it there's been a full blown affair.

Frequent texting
Her calling him beautiful
Planning to meet 1:1 during weekend

OP, this is inappropriate. Your partner is acting like a single man. Their level of contact, plus her calling him beautiful, is crossing a line. Their ego-boosting is a slippery slope. Meeting up for a weekend date is out of order.

It sounds like something is simmering right under your nose. Don’t be a mug, OP.

How will you be feeling when you've just given birth and you're wanting that special bonding time as a family for the first few weeks, but they're texting each other?

For a few weeks or months after the birth and you're both sexually inactive, is it not going to play on your mind that he might be wanting it and could go elsewhere since she's right there waiting for him and that's the easy option?

This could very easily change your mood after birth OP. Because your hormones and emotions will be so raw and all over the place it could really bring you down.

I'd try and sort it with him ASAP and tell him you're not happy about it and don't agree to it.

I'm not sure how to reply individually to anyone as I'm still new to this, but thank you all for your responses!

They were initially going to meet 1:1 at a coffee shop or a walk in park (suggested by her). But my boyfriend did agree that was a bit strange so he said he would try meet with friends, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. I don't want to be a controlling partner at all also.

He has one other friend that is male and said he wants to make new friends especially at uni, although I do still find it strange myself that they aren't in same classes etc. He does philosophy and likes intellectual conversations with others which he says he has with her, and wants to find out if she would make a good friend. He has mentioned me/us/our baby, to her, but she has made the 'beautiful' comments knowing this.

I will try talk out my feelings more with him I suppose that's the best thing to do.

Is he trying to meet with her plus his friends so that it is not just the two of them? If so, he shouldn't be trying to meet her at all. He should back off and concentrate on you. You really shouod be his priority and focus right now. Congratulations on your pregnancy

I think he's being a tad naive. She sounds like she has more than friendly intentions, which he's not really listening to, and is just deluding himself she wants to talk about philosophy. I think this is actually very silly, because it's not great for her, it won't be great for him and it's not for you either. He needs to mature a bit fast and realise that although men and women can be friends, they can also have other intentions as well as being friends and that it's better to be absolutely clear your end and even not pursue a friendship if really that's not what's on the table. He's a twit and if I were 37 weeks pregnant and he was wittering on about some new friend at college, I'd honestly be very angry.

Don’t worry about being a controlling partner. It’s just not appropriate for him to start meeting up with this woman.

She sounds mildly strange with the ‘beautiful’ stuff, but friendships need to start somewhere, he’s wanting new friendships, and university is an obvious place to meet people. I don’t see the relevance of your pregnancy — surely you don’t expect both of you to sit at home 24/7, waiting for labour to start?

You're not being unreasonable atall. I wouldn't stand for it. Tell him how you feel and hope the friendship is maintained to uni and he's with you the rest of the time.