Partner having a female friend

[kat4321]

I was curious about others opinions on this, I am open and don't want to come across completely crazy.

My boyfriend has recently made a new female friend sort of through uni (they're not on same course or same classes or anything). He's been open with me from the beginning and I trust him 100%. They have a lot in common and seem to be getting on well and text quite a lot back and forth, he was planning on meeting her next weekend, I will also be 37 weeks pregnant. She has called him beautiful a few times through text and he thinks it's innocent.

He doesn't have many other friends and is more extroverted than me and says he wants to meet interesting people, which I understand. And as I said I do trust him, and you're probably wondering whats the issue then? But I just don't trust her or other women and their intentions, and for them to meet when I'm heavily pregnant and for me to be overthinking like crazy and driving my self mad, am I selfish for thinking he shouldn't meet her at this point? Or am I crazy for overthinking any of this at all? I probably am.

Please don’t underreact here, OP.

Boundaries are already being crossed. As a partnered man, he has no business texting lots and seeking out this new female on the scene, especially when she is calling him beautiful and wants to take cozy walks in the park. Honestly, how would he feel if you were channeling so much energy, time and attention into a man who was calling you beautiful?

He is playing with fire. Having a newborn will be both joyful and stressful...a vulnerable time for you both. He does not need to set up a relationship where he is developing emotional closeness, confiding in, and relying on another woman.

Tolerate this at your own peril. I would tell him you are uncomfortable, and if he values and respects your feelings, he will shut this down now.

You are 37 weeks pregnant . His place should be at YOUR side . You could go into labour at any time . He is either being naive and stupid as some men are or he is liking this - either ways it needs to stop . He has a child coming into his life and he needs to get real . He's not a 20 year old at Uni - he has responsibilities .

I wouldn't go at this gung ho accusing him or her of anything but explain to him how you feel AND I would keep a very close eye on this situation . You should be able to enjoy your newborn without all this fucking hassle.

PS He doesn't have many other friends and is more extroverted than me and says he wants to meet interesting people, which I understand

No you and your child should be the most interesting people he has ever met !

My husbands best friend is a woman and he meets her one to one all the time, however the situation is quite different because they were already housemates and best friends when we met 19 years ago, and our families are very close and spend a lot of time together. I don’t think I would be keen on this either.

I definitely think he's being naive here, thinking this woman just wants to talk philosophy with him. She's very clearly flirting with him, with all the 'beautiful' comments. I think he's genuinely just wanting to make new friends, but he needs to wise up here. Lots of affairs start with neither party setting out to cheat.

So you do need to tell him he's being inappropriate. His priority should be you at this point in time, with your baby about to be born.

I think the coffee/ walk thing sounds quite date like outside the uni context. I'm presuming that they can grab a coffee from time to time between lectures which wouldn't be as wierd.

I wouldn't expect him to be meeting one male friend just in that way either unless there was a particular shared hobby. DH has recently changed jobs and made new work friends of both sexes. Social things are always group contexts like nights out and I was invited to a barbecue. He's only met up with some of the men 1:1 to go to the gym or watch football. I can't imagine them meeting just to "go for a walk".

He want to find out if she’s make a good friend...

How philosophical of him.

They are both taking the piss in plain site. He reminds me of Ken Barlow 🙄

Since you’re having a baby with this man, I think you should be able to tell him exactly how you feel. You don’t need any extra stress while pregnant. You’re a human being with feelings and insecurities and any healthy relationship should make room for that.

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all. Pregnancy is prime time for men to cheat unfortunately, I would find this new ‘friendship’ concerning.

I wouldn't be ok with my partner dating other women

Don't be such a bloody mug

As another poster said “This is the type of thing that leads to affairs , don't be the cool wife”
She’s calling him “beautiful” it’s not ok.
I would be saying to DH, “I’m not comfortable with this at all. I’m about to have your baby, I need you here to support me and this girl calling you beautiful after knowing you are about to have a child with your partner is extremely inappropriate which makes me deeply suspicious of her intentions. For the sake of my peace of mind I would prefer you to keep her at arms distance. It’ about respect and I don’t feel that she has respect for your relationship status.”
He really shouldn’t be arguing with you about this. This isn’t about his right to friendships, it’s about her flirting with a man who is taken and about your feelings as you are about to have a baby,
He’s being deluded if he thinks she’s not trying to flatter him.
Please don’t stand for this, it’s extremely disrespectful of her and thoughtless of him.

its simple, either you trust him or you don't.
There seems to be an outcry here because the friend female and apparently on Mns any DH who has such a friend is either cheating or going to.
I wonder if the same noise would be made if he friend was male or if you had a friend who was male ( I somehow doubt it).
As long as he is taking care of you, then his friends should not be viewed with suspicion just based on gender. You will only show that you don't trust him and he may stop being so open with you.

Have you met her?
Does she even know you exist? (Men do lie)

I’d be putting a stop to this. She’s obviously after him.

Plenty of people have platonic friendships with the other sex. I work in a male dominated industry and often have lunch and coffee with male colleagues. It doesn’t have any meaning beyond getting on well with another person. I wouldn’t think the worst of the situation before it’s begun. I think the only concern with weekends is if there’s also time to get all of the baby prep and family commitments done, too.

Not sure where calling a man you’ve only just met “beautiful” a few times fits in with being platonic.
If I was calling a man beautiful I would absolutely be setting my sights on him. And if a young woman that my partner had met recently was calling him beautiful I’d shut that thing down fast.

MMmm her intentions are irrelevant. I think you pay lip service to the I trust him 100%. You are posting because you don't. Something is eating at you and doesn't seem right, own it. The beautiful thing sounds like English as a second language... Tell him exactly how you feel so he is under no ilusions and present the situation as reversed...usually does the trick.

She sees it as a date. I wouldn’t trust her intentions. Your DP should be taking you as well.

It's definitely not on, but what are you going to do? Either you trust him and he doesn't betray that trust, or you trust him and he does. You telling him he can't have the friendship won't solve anything. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat.

If it was my DH, I'd have a bag packed for him in the closest and be making my preparations to leave him once the truth came out.

Calling him beautiful? That's crossing the line. If he thinks that is ok or doesn't see an issue, then he's definitely part of the problem in encouraging her. That is NOT fucking ok to call another person's partner 'beautiful' and arranging a cosy walk together. Fuck that. I'd be losing my shit at him.

My boyfriend has female friends from years ago and they meet for lunch on some occasions and go to gigs. I have no issue with this at all because I've met them, we all go out socially and there is no ulterior motive.

If you met a guy and started texting lots and he called you beautiful in messages and wanted to meet one on one for walks in the park, would your other half genuinely be ok with that?!

I don't have a problem with my DH having female friends.

I would have a massive problem with female friend calling him beautiful in text messages. That's not on.

It's unacceptable. Pregnancy is when a lot of men cheat, even if he has no intention to initially.

@cheeseandwin5
The only trouble is she calls him beautiful, they text a lot, she's invited to a cosy 1 to 1 walk and he enjoys her intellectual conversation.

With the stress of pregnancy and then a new born - tire wife and endless hard work , a relationship can become vulnerable.

Then these intellectuals conversations suddenly become 'we have a connection'

Mine you it does beg the question how this man can not see how inappropriate this is without being told.

Both myself and my H have loads of friends of the opposite sex. None that we call beautiful or they us. This is so inappropriate OP.

If a new ‘friend’ called me beautiful, I would back off.